Tuesday, 28 September 2010
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A Letter to The Guy I Measure All Others Against
I know you better than anyone else, no one can make me smile the way you do, and I always feel comfortable around you because you know me so well. You were with me through my childhood-- you know what I have been through. I don't have to explain myself to you because half the time you already know what I am going to say. You're my best friend and I will always have a special place in my heart for you. No one knows the kind of man you can be and that guy is gentle, kind, funny, and sweet. You try to play off this front to other people, but if you just let them see the real you, people would like you a lot more.
Dear You:Now it been like 8 years since we met and about 4 since things first started heating up... but you still have yet to ask me out. Yes I remember way back in sophomore year when you used to call me just about every night just because you wanted to talk to me (and yes I remember we talked about absolutely nothing). I knew you liked me and you knew I liked you (it was kinda obvious to everyone) and yet I waited and waited for you to make the next move, and when you didn't, can you blame the fact that I moved on?
But you didn't give up and continuously pursued me even though I had other boyfriends. And every time I broke up with them it was because I wanted you, and each and every time you didn't come (granted you had other girlfriends that you asked out, but why never me?). And despite my initial efforts we had our first kiss when I was with my ex boyfriend (which I am not proud) and from them on we became inseparable. And, no, I didn't break up with this guy because I loved him (so I thought) and I didn't want to lose him for you to not take the next step with me, so I made you wait. And you waited a long time.
We talked and we are still talking, the "dates" we went on were nice but it was awkward for me. We always fight, something we never did when I was with him, and we fight about dumb shit. Like how you think I am always cheating on you, when I can't cheat on someone who isn't my boyfriend even thought I don't get with anyone but you. We bicker, and fight and yet somehow we always manage to make up.
This summer was supposed to finally be the time when we could be together for real this time, and all we have been doing is going back and forth. This last major fight I thought was going to be the end of us, but when you told me that you couldn't not talk to me, I took you back (like I always have) and just recently when you finally admitted to me that you loved me, we talked for hours about everything and finally got back on track I thought things would be perfect. When we went to the beach these last few nights and laid under the stars and actually talked and spent time with each other were times that I never thought I would get again.
You know I love you, and I will always love you no matter what. But I am not playing games this time.
I don't think you know how hard it was to leave my ex-- I really had feelings for him but I was afraid of losing you more. I want to be with you as a boyfriend, not just the girl you love. If I'm the one you love, then don't lose me again because I am waiting for you to get your shit together, with work and school. But I am not waiting forever, you've had 4 years to ask me out and I have yet to see you come close.
Don't lose me again because if I leave this time I am not coming back. I can't keep doing this. It is getting way too hard for me.
Love Always,
Me.
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About the Author
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- From: bamxocandy@xanga
- Name: Candice
- About Me: simply put...im Candice or Candy for short. I'm a full time college student, and just like every other 19 year old trying to find my place in the world. I got a pretty good head on my shoulders and my mind races through like 3848378 different things a minute. I like the simpler things in life: walks on the beach, movies nights snuggled up on the couch, books, and just embracing life while i can. I'm a sucker for sweet talkers and I always say things before I think. I dont expect anyone to be perfect because I know i'm far from it :)
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Comments (23)
Ouch, hope he gets the clue. It doesnt sound like you two have a good foundation, and Im sure many people are telling you to give up on him for someone who wouldnt put you through this and better yet, someone who would respect you and not pursue you while your with someone else. I hope you realize that too. Although you arent perfect, you know when you deserve better. I just feel bad for the poor guy that was in between you two.
This sounds like a monologue of my life right now. Only he has yet to admit he loves me. He wont admit anything even though it is totally obvious.
Ha, I won't lie, I clicked this thinking it was going to be a little more... perverse.
I can relate to your letter, my situation is different ofc, I haven't known my bf for all my life nor were there guys/girls in between us, but I am constantly waiting for him to get his act together and be a good bf.. he's making the step, there's progress, but he has a long way to go. Good luck!
This situation is confusing. You should just say to him straight up "If you're not going to be my boyfriend, then I'm done". He's had enough time to think about it, so if he can't make up his mind on the spot, then I'd give up.
my life a little over a month ago in someone else's blog entry.. woah... except i've left and moved on in that month. it was hard but the roller coaster relationship is not my thing.
hope things work out for you =]@xjadersx@xanga - Ditto.
I don't understand why can't you two just sit down and talk about your feelings. Sort it out. Figure something out. Instead of breaking up with your then boyfriends and hoping he'll come "ask" you, you need to man up yourself and talk to him about your feelings and where you stand. If he's not ready to be in a relationship now, move on. When he is ready and the timing is right, try a relationship with each other. Quit breaking up with your then boyfriends for him hoping he'll come around. If you're in a relationship, YOU need to respect it and so does he. I'm sure you wouldn't like it either if some other girl was doing the same thing he was to your boyfriend too. Sheessssh!
Communication is key to a healthy relationship, people! Use it!
I don't understand why you keep waiting for him to ask you out. Why don't you just ask him out yourself? It seems like you're causing yourself a lot of pain and unnecessary heart break. If you know he loves you and you know you love him, then just ask him to be your boyfriend. If you can't do that either, then why expect him to be the one to man up? Just because you are a girl doesn't mean you can't start the relationship.
@jeezshoua@xanga - everything you said was perfect.
stop being a weenie about labels. does 'boyfriend and girlfriend' really mean more to you than being happy with him?
honey i really think you need to tell him this straight up. the place most relationships go wrong is when people aren't properly communicating with each other and telling each other everything the other needs to know. it's unfair to him if you leave him without first telling him how you feel and giving him a fair chance. he can't read your mind. help him out a little!
@hallentine@xanga - wanting labels isn't being a weenie. it's nice to have reassurance of what you mean to someone, instead of just being "someone they love". most people need a sense of security in their relationships.
@jeezshoua@xanga - What she said.
@hallentine@xanga - Yes. Being in a relationship constitute a "commitment" from one another. It also states the fact that they are at least going somewhere in their "relationship." If you're not considered as boyfriend and girlfriend, but just two people who cuddle, fucks, talk on the phone.. might as well call yourself "friends with benefits."
8 years? Wow. I can't imagine letting my own dilemma (2 1/2 years and counting) last that long. Especially because we live in different countries now.
Have you tried saying all this stuff to him directly? Because if you have and he still hasn't gotten it together, you're just wasting your time.
@jeezshoua@xanga - @ivarahBharavi@xanga - it constitutes being a weenie if she's been letting it sit like this without making a move herself or breaking it off for years. really.
@hallentine@xanga - We're talking about "labels," dear, in reply to your "being a weenie about labels" comment. Other than that, I'm pretty sure @ivarahBharavi@xanga - and I covered what you just wrote in our initiate posts.
@jeezshoua@xanga - @hallentine@xanga - @KasumiCelesta@xanga - @jeezshoua@xanga - @UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - @ivarahBharavi@xanga - @hallentine@xanga - @xFallingxAwayx09@xanga - @gilly_owens@xanga - @jeezshoua@xanga - @x_24ko@xanga - @xjadersx@xanga - @lforletty@xanga - @JinXd_Icicle@xanga - @lostonlove@xanga - @wolvenchic@xanga - WELL THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO COMMENTED anddd i took into consideration everything that people had to say..since this post i have gotten him to sit down with me and we have talked about our issues and we are doing alot better....were working on our communication and i am happy to say that for once in 8 years i can see us moving forward instead of standing still. :) thanks
@bamxocandy@xanga - very glad to hear that things are working out for you, dear =]
Why is it women always complicate things? Did you ever ask him out or is that not allowed in this new "equal rights" world? Then you hold shit against him? Maybe YOU thought he knew but he really didnt. Are you a mind reader? Do YOU know what he was thinking? NO. And yet you want to act like THIS to him for it? Never judge someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. This means believing, acting, thinking and everything else EXACTLY (not like you think they would or should but EXACTLY) like they REALLY DO. You women do this STUPID SHIT and you only hurt everyone involved because of it.
This is so similar, like so similar to my situation, timing and all. i'm gobsmacked.
story.of.my.life.
@lforletty@xanga - Me too. My bf has yet to have his job act together. He just quit his job and hasn't even begin to look for another one. To top it off, he has his freeloading uncle and cousin living at his house and his mom is taking their side. He's waiting for the uncle to leave to find a job.
@kn1ghtviper21@xanga - Wow, I can only begin to imagine how frustrating that must be for you.. good luck and hang in there, but if your bf's lazying off, I'd suggest you push him to find a new job soon and not just loaf around 'cause that won't solve anything! I literally told my bf that if he can't provide financially for a future family with me, then don't even bother being with me at all. I need to be with someone responsible and hardworking.