Monday, 27 September 2010
-
Girl, 19, Single
Hi, everyone, my name is Trivolity, and I am single.While I do enjoy long, moonlit walks on the beach, this is not a personal ad. In fact, it's a confession. And a rant.
A couple weeks ago, my younger brother, who is 16 years old, informed my mom that he had his first girlfriend. When I heard this, the first thing I could think to say was, "dammit, he won!"
See, I'm 19 and I've never had a boyfriend. It's kind of sad that my younger brother started dating before I did.
And here's the biggest problem: when I see my friends coupling off, and people with horrid social skills who I'd call downright annoying catching themselves fish after fish, I have to wonder what's wrong with me.
I've never even had legitimate guy friends. The groups I've fallen into have always been full of girls, and those one or two guys with questionable sexuality who you know will come out at any second. My constantly surrounding myself with nothing but female companionship would have Feminist theory calling me a lesbian. But I'm not. It's not my fault that my closest groups of friends are from theater, the piccolo section in the marching band, and the honors college, which are 95% female.
But aside from this unfortunate statistic, I don't understand why no one has ever even approached me (aside from that kid in 7th grade who was a complete pot head). I don't think I'm socially inept, I don't think I'm gorgeous, but I don't think I'm downright ugly, either, plus, I'm a pretty friendly person, albeit a bit on the shy side.
It always astounds me to think that high school aged children are already having sex, and I've never even had my first kiss. People talk about dating tall and dating short, but I'm still working on dating at all, regardless of height.
I think the funniest scenario is in my creative writing class when my teacher asked us all to describe something we found beautiful about our most recent boyfriend/girlfriend. Yeah.
And I feel like I'm missing out on a very important part of life, especially life as a young adult, but I can't seem to remedie this issue. And I can't stop wondering what's so wrong with me that nobody wants me. Am I destined to be perpetually single?
How old were you when you had your first boyfriend/girlfriend? How do you like to go about finding someone? Do you have any advice for me?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: Trivolity@xanga
- Name: Leona Marie Forging
- About Me: to make the kind of music a voice makes
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 2 Views: 0 7767 Comments: 0 180 View all posts by Trivolity@xanga
Comments (162)
awwww honey its okay! im almost 21 and im single, tho ive had a couple bfs in high school.
Sometimes guys are stupid. They might like you, but think that you aren't interested. Or that you might not have time for them, or something really silly. Maybe you should make the first step. Not asking them out striaghtforward, but going to hang outs, and flirting more, hinting that you might be interested. Maybe even a coffee date? Not saying you have to turn into a bimbo slut, but dropping some hints might help :)
Then you haven't found someone worthy enough to date you. Don't think that you don't have a ton to offer a guy, you do. Timing just hasn't been fair yet. It'll come....don't rush it. When it doesn't, the guy will be wonderful and worth every second of waiting. <3
don't focus on it. focus on what you love in life most. do it, become successful, and somewhere along the way somebody will run into you on your journey.
I don't get why I'm not approached either. I have a hunch it has something to do with being shy. I hate going to clubs because my friends (who are not the most attractive girls at the club) get approached all the time, while I dance around by myself. I just avoid clubs now, because I realize they get the attention because they're slutty. Haha. Anyways, it's not a problem of getting someone to fall for you, it's more of that first step of them meeting you. Just be patient, because it'll take time. Once they meet you, I'm sure that the "falling madly for you" will follow naturally. :]
I certainly understand your predicament. In high school, I felt the exact same way. I would say don't worry about it, but if I were you and some stranger told me that, I would probably just laugh and ignore it. Truth be told though, when you graduate from high school and head off to college, guys seemingly tend to get more courageous when it comes to asking girls out. Although I'm almost 21 and have never had a boyfriend and have never been kissed as well, it wasn't until college that I was asked out on dates. Trust me, it will get better. But for now, stick it out and wait for the guy that deserves you! :)
Guess what? I'm 19 too!! Haha! And I never have boyf before, even though I have quite a few guy friends! So you're not alone okay! ;)
Don't worry too much, you'll meet yours soon. So meanwhile, enjoy your single life! (:
My therory is that instead of making guys my focus, I should figure out what else I love to do and get involved in that, then look sideways. :) It ups the chance of meeting guys that actually like the same thing. Take music in your case......If clubs aren't fun for you, just forget it. Do something you love.
Lack of emotional and physical baggage is a HUGE plus, trust me.Best wishes.
@rxglasshalffull@xanga - pffft, i know a few guys who would scoop you up
@npr32486@xanga - like who? they have to be of quality though...not just creepers.
STOP LOOKING
Looking for a boyfriend is the number one way not to find one. Guys like girls who have a life, and are busy. They don't want someone who will cling and is needy. Just do your own thing. Focus your attention on yourself and making yourself a better person. And make sure you are all the things you would look for in a partner
There's nothing wrong with being 19 and single. You just haven't found that right person yet. Better to wait for someone who will sweep you off your feet then be in and out of relationships with guys who were just a waste of your time. If it's a self-esteem or confidence issue, get a bunch of your girl friends together and go out to a club. You won't necessarily find Mr. Right at a club but being in a social setting can help you to talk to people and to be outgoing.
I feel your loss, but there's nothing wrong with it. I had my first bf at the age of 20...but was only with him for 6months. My sister, on the other hand, had a bf by the age of 18 and it has been wayy more successful than mine. So yea...I understand... I went a long time wanting a guy and I still do, but you know what? Time will come and you'll find someone.
I believe there is someone for everyone :)
I was 17 almost 18 when I had my first boyfriend. My only advice to you is this: Don't look. relationships come to you. I have a perfect example for you. A couple weeks after I broke up with my boyfriend of a year I planned on not dating anyone at all for at least two years. Then I started talking to this amazing guy. The problem was that he was still in a relationship with his girlfriend. So we just talked and got to know each other. Then he broke up with his girlfriend. We continued to talk and just become closer friends. I started to get this feeling that he might possible like me. And I was definitely attracted to him. I was told stories by his friends that in his past he had made it seem that he likes a girl after he breaks up with a girlfriend and never really does anything other than talk and flirt. Kind of like a rebound thing. So I started denying the feelings I had toward him. The at least a month after he broke up with his girlfriend he asked me out on a date. I immediately go tell my best friend (who also knew this guy since they were in diapers, they were family friends) and ask her for advice. She told me to go for it that the stories I had heard from the other people weren't true and the girls he "flirted with" were typical girls that read into EVERYTHING a guy does and immediately thinks that he likes her. So I went out with him February 13, 2009. We are still together today.
I know it's a long story. I tend to get that way when I tell stories. But the point of this is: Don't look. The relationship will come to you. I had no plan of jumping back into another relationship so quickly after I had just gotten out of one. But that's just how it works sometimes.
I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 18. He was my first everything. We were off and on for about 4 years. While I have met other guys, my first BF was the only boyfriend I've ever had. I'm 27 now and still have only had one seriously relationship. Uhhhh.
for starters, you got to put yourself out there. all i have to say is if you're sitting at home hoping that you'll find Mr. Right, good luck. and then again, there's online dating sites, it may work, but i'm skeptical of the whole online dating-ism.
don't worry about it - its not all its cracked up to be.
Omggg this post made me feel so much better. I'm 18, and have been single basically my whole life. I've had one boyfriend, and it didn't really count. We were together for a month...tops. But I have like no guy friends either, I've been trying to make them but it hasnt exactly been workingg. lol. We are like exactly the same haha. Wow. Thanks for posting this, and everyone else for responding so now I know there are other people in my situation! (:
I was 19 when I had my almost lover, it ended bittersweetly.
@kawasaki_saiyan@xanga - yeah, I'm about iffy on the idea of online dating and dating sites, too. And about the putting yourself out there part, that's currently my main focus. Sitting at home is such a waste of life, as I'm realizing a little late.
I'm sure you're going to have a boyfriend. Why shouldn't you?
You just had bad luck. Plus: does it qualify someone better (uuh, my english) if he/she 's had a lot of relationships or has a long lasting one? Is that a better person? Of course not!
A lot of relationships end ugly, a lot of people date and date and don't find the right one.
Me, for example. I'm still looking. So what? It really doesn't matter.
And I'd really like to delete some of the guys (or one, to be exact) from my memory.
I really know how it's like to be single. But I'm also sure, that one day I'm going to find someone and be really happy. And so will you.
Just enjoy your life (don't think you have to do something just because everybody else does in your age), have fun, make new friends.
Start something you like, a sport for example, one you know guys like. Just to get to know some.
Everybody's saying: don't look, guys don't come if you look. I don't think it's true, they just come when they want. Whether you're looking or not. But I have to admit: it might scare them away if you seem too eager.
I haven't had a long-term-relationship yet. My first boyfriend was when I was 17, but it wasn't for long.
PS.: Stop thinking that there's something wrong with you! You have to like yourself if you want others to like you. Plus, I think it's only bad luck.
And: good luck :)
I was 19, and the guy was just my friend at first. Honestly, I don't give much about getting a guy, but I feel like I have a point to prove to the world that I'm not a mess. I don't live in a hole and I don't always stay in a swarm of girls. I realized you have to be yourself and then someone will like you for you.
@robbiearnold@xanga - Yes, this.
I know this will probably sound tired, but I was the "late bloomer" in my group of friends, too. I didn't start "dating" until I approached one of my guy friends. I had to take that first step. It also seems that the more I focus on getting my life on the path I want it to take, the more guys start coming around & people potentially worthy of dating appear in my life. So, focus on you & doing the things you love. You'll be a happier, more relaxed, and more interesting person for that, and I think that is a large part of what draws others to you.