Saturday, 25 September 2010
-
What's Your Dating Resume?
An Atlanta area blogger who writes for a news site there, found here, raised the following scenario?
"At one time in all of our careers, someone (employer or potential client) has requested a reference. They want to know not only to get an idea of all the good reasons for explaining their experiences with you, but also for any bad experiences of working with you.
What if we used this practice in dating? What affect could this have on the dating landscape?"
It's definitely an intriguing concept. If we all had to make resumes and present them to potential SO's, it could change the entire way we date. We all say we have high standards, so this is a great way to find out... right?
As we all know, part of having a successful relationship is establishing a level of trust. What if your dating resume showed how you cheated on the last three boyfriends you had? Would this make a guy automatically not want to involve himself with you? Should this have no affect on his comfort level with you? Maybe it would just start a conversation on how you've grown and changed as a result of your actions?
Or, what if an ex ripped you to shreds when describing you to a new SO? Should your new beau take this into consideration before putting his heart on the line and getting serious with you?
I tend to believe in organic dating. I'm not too keen on the whole, fill out an online survey and we'll find you a soul mate solution that online dating presents, because I am skeptical that there is a true list of attributes that could let me know if I am truly going to be compatible with another person.
However, I do see this blogger's point. We've all gotten into situations where we find someone's true colors too late, after we are attached and have real feelings that are difficult to overcome. The hurt that comes from having the wool pulled over our eyes by dishonest SO's can definitely take a long time to heal, so perhaps it would be useful to do a little sniffing around about a prospective partner's past before we let our guard down and open our hearts.
So, Datingish readers, it's time to weigh in on this hypothetical "solution" to the wild world of dating.
If a new SO checked your dating resume and references, would he or she want to stay with you? Do you wish you could do a formal background check before getting involved with a new person?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: KerrSull
- About Me: I'm a 24 year old serial monogamist who oddly thinks she knows everything while continuing to have tons of questions about that crazy little thing called love.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 70 Views: 0 181131 Comments: 0 2317 View all posts by KerrSull
Comments (19)
Hm, I wouldn't mind a resume of my dating experiences, because frankly, there's nothing to hide. I only had one bf before and we kind of had a clean break...we didn't do much together so yaya. I don't think I would want a resume of my SO though....I mean, finding stuff about him is part of the fun! And whether he did something wrong or something, you can't pick at him/her for that....resumes are important but they are kind of vague...they may tell you the general story, but they leave out the details and the details are what's important ;)
Sounds boring to me. Most of the fun is getting to know the person.
sounds pointless because a resume is supposed to make you look better, you're going to show yourself in a positive light.
Not to mention, how does the references portion work?! Depending on the ex they could either make you look bad or want to get back together...
I don't think dating resumes would actually help because let's be honest here, literally.
If someone actually cheated in their last relationship, how many would actually admit that on a resume and gladly hand it over to a new potential SO?
The concept is good but not very realistic.
And I agree with @Thumper49047@xanga, the "reference" isn't very realistic either because most relationships don't end on a positive note, most likely your ex will not have positive words to say about you.
Yes it a bit like finding a job, nothing to hide and pretty empty for both in my case
It's a work in progress.
My dating resume: "Been Single for the Past 18 years."
Ohhhh thats catchy.
Some people are not playing this game very HYPOTHETICALLY, but I will answer honestly...
I think, for the most part, my track record is very clean. Never cheated. Never destroyed anyone. Never flew off the deep end of bat-shit crazy girlfriend-dom.
When checking my references, my flaws would come up as------ neediness, overly independent (don't even worry about that contradiction I just made), and ridiculously high standards.
One of my exes might say I was all over him and another would say I was immature. The others I don't know. My resume is clean. I put everything into a relationship.
People lie on resumes, that's why they have an interview.
My resume would be empty
@Nytfyr@xanga - Hahha..so very true
I don't care for resumes. You're just going to make yourself look good..honestly, it's over and done with and I don't care much about it..the past anyhow.
It's fun to have one if anyone willing to make one rather than say it out loud (like they don't have enough time to tell something about themselves to each other as a couple). It's better to know the faults up front. It is pointless but not pointless according to the second person from the top said if it's within the domain of a person's quality.
If I had a dating resume, mine would be pretty good, my past is clean, haven't done anything I've regretted, haven't dated many people, never been the btch in a relationship, only the hurt one.. however, even if this existed, it's not like the potential future bf would list all their bad qualities and although it'd be better to know sooner that the person was an asshole.. sometimes you just have to learn it through experience in order to really understand and let go.
well considering how my ex boyfriend stalked me for three years, ripped my reputation to shreds, dragged my name through the mud with my friends and people who didn't even know me, allegedly wrote a story where the main character was based off of me and died violently, i can't say that that would be the most unbiased way to find out what i'm like.
just saying.
@Hinase@xanga - Very true, it would be hard if you had to record your past on your resume, then you might never get the chance to show growth as a person.
Well I can kind of understand having a dating resume.
For example, I would feed uncomfortable if I were dating a girl who I was her first boyfriend. That basically screams "learning experience".
I agree that dating resume would take the fun out of things...but I think people should come with warning signs. Like prescription drugs :p
My "resume" would be alright I think. But as far as references, I don't think I'd do well. I wouldn't allow anyone to contact one of my exes, because he's psycho, and it's really not safe for him to know where I'm at or what I'm doing. If he were to find out I was seeing anyone or even interested in seeing anyone, it could get scary... It did once. The next guy is so fickle it would depend on his mood and how drunk he is at the time of him telling someone about me. He'd either say I was the greatest person in the world and he wants me back, or I'm a crazy heartless bitch. I didn't have clean breakups with either of them. The most recent guy would probably be super nice. He's just super nice in general, and we still talk on occasion.
I'd like to think that a report of the facts would be in my favor though. I've never cheated, I have had long term relationships. I'm a bit of a commitment-phobe, but it really just presents as me taking things slow, and not being clingy. Cause, again, I've never been unfaithful. I have some mental health issues (depression and anxiety), but I'm on meds, and usually willing to work through symptoms. At the moment things seem to have leveled out as far as that goes anyway; the meds are working, and I'm not consumed by past issues anymore. I would say my one down-side that I'm not working on (and at this point not really willing to work on) is I smoke cigarrettes. Yes, I know it's bad for me, but I'm not ready to quit. I don't do any other drugs though. Well, aside from alcohol maybe once a week or less.
Interesting idea anyway. I know having my exes "resumes" could've helped in the past. Kept me out of some really bad situations.