Monday, 20 September 2010
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An Editor's Apology: Why "5 Ways To Sneakily Get Your Girl Wasted" Was Wrong
I am writing this to apologize to our readers for the article we posted on Saturday, "5 Ways To Sneakily Get Your Girl Wasted."
I was blind to this article. When I saw it in the editor, I had uneasy feelings about it. The subject matter was delicate to say the least, and although I knew it was satire, I couldn't bring myself to edit it. I decided not to touch it and let the editor-in-chief decide what to do.
When it went live, I told myself, Datingish readers by now understand Brooklynbro writes satire. I know some pieces I have written very, very clearly as satire, and things others have written as well, have gone over some readers heads, but I hoped more people were getting used to the style. A lot of them still don’t get Brooklynbro's humor, but most will, it will be OK. I wanted readers to see that he wasn’t sincere, I wanted you guys not to take Brooklynbro so seriously, to ease up, so I let it go.
Then, a few hours ago, Jezebel (a site that I read religiously every day and love) found the post and ridiculed it for what it was.
At first I tried to defend the piece, but soon I realized that I was in the wrong. The readers of Jezebel and Datingish had a right to be angry.
The article was in poor taste. It never should have gone live. I should have said something. We should have taken another look at it and said, "You know what? We know he doesn't mean it, but this is offensive. This isn't funny. Let's have him write this seriously."
On Jez, I defended the post, and will still defend the author, because he didn’t mean to upset people. He honestly wanted to give you ladies tips on how to avoid getting date-raped. If he wanted to share tips, he wouldn’t have put it on Datingish where most of the readers are females, the group that some asshole would try to rape. He really, truly, meant well.
I used that knowledge of his purpose as an excuse to ignore that the article wasn’t a well-written satire, or that the satire wasn’t obvious enough, or—most importantly—that satire should never be applied to a topic like rape.
Rape is not funny. Date rape is not funny. Sexual assault is not funny.
I didn't even stop to think about possible readers who may have been raped and how they would feel. We just didn't think this through.
I knew some of you would understand the piece was satire immediately through context-- you know what he writes-- but many of you did not and Jezebel didn't either. Datingish is not an entity in and of itself. We are a website and not just daily readers look at what we post up. We shouldn't assume everyone will come to the table knowing what we know.
I honestly feel sick right now. I thought I was sensitive and smart enough know when to say when. I didn’t talk to Brooklynbro or my editor about why it didn’t think it should be published. I feel like I deserve as much of the blame as them because I didn’t voice concern about it.
Fortunately, I think some good will come of this.
The Datingish team needs to write some more serious posts. Posts that will help our readers stay safe, things that are important, things that they can use, things I’ve been putting off writing because I’ve been so busy since getting back to school, stuff I've been telling myself I would write since May.
I fucking owe you guys. I care about you guys, I really truly do. I haven't given you enough credit and I'm going to try to be better.
You guys deserve better than what we gave you. And I apologize.
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About the Author
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- From: TheCatInTheCradle@xanga
- About Me: Greetings! My name is Alexa. I write, I read, I tweet. Oh, and I kick ass on my good days. You can find all of my social media at http://flavors.me/alexajohnson
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Comments (98)
I believe people need to relax. You don't need to apologize in my opinion.
The subject matter was touchy. It should have never gotten through.
Apology accepted =]
I think it's honorable that you're owning up to this, and I applaud you.
It shows you and the other editors at Datingish have 10x more self-respect and integrity than the editors at Lovelyish.
There's a lot of fun in being edgy and making tough points to see if the audience can keep up. I understand the temptation. But yes, sometimes it's just the wrong cause and the wrong way. Sorry you feel burned and such, and better luck next time. Don't despair too much, though.
I didn't read it because I read the title and immediately thought, "You can't possibly be serious." Rape IS a touchy subject. I get extremely upset when people joke about it, no matter their "true intent" behind it.
That being said, it is commendable that you have owned up to your gaffe & have apologized. And I think it would be a wonderful thing if one of the Datingish writers were to present a piece or a series on how to stay safe, and possibly even what steps to take should you get raped. Far too many people will not say anything, and will certainly not report it, because they're ashamed or scared. That needs to change.
It's awesome that you owned up and apologized when so many people got offended.
But goddamn people, it was a joke and an obvious one at that. Trust me when I say the "It's a touchy subject" excuse doesn't fly with me. Get that stick out of your ass and enjoy the day.
I didn't realize it was a satire. I honestly thought it was someone being stupid =_= It just wasn't obvious to me.
That being said, I admire you for coming forward and apologizing. :]
@MangoWOW@xanga - I'm inclined to agree with you. I mean, a LOT of things aren't "funny" that still get joked about that may trigger a negative response in people. Life isn't sugarcoated - the faster people learn that, the better.
@ZepBlueEyedGirl@xanga - I agree with that.
It's fine. We all make mistakes. =)
I don't think a lot of people actually understand how to write good satire. The author of that post is one of them. Poor attempts, over and over. Rape is not funny. Satire is not repeating what many people actually feel, say, and do, and then trying to pawn it off as some revolutionary hilarious piece or educational piece that went over our heads because we're so stupid. It was crass at best, and I was disappointed to see so many people attempting to defend it in the comments.
Thank you for apologizing, though. It does not go unnoticed.
Rape is not a joke. It should never be handled in a jokingly matter, either. People have to deal with the aftermath of a horrible event like that for the rest of their lives. It's traumatizing, and until you've gone through it yourself [and I hope that never happens], or know someone who has, you just don't understand the degree to which it affects the victim.
And thank you for the apology. I understand that he didn't mean it in a serious way, but he could've wrote about the subject matter in a better way. Mad props on apologizing though (:
Maybe datinglish isn't the right place for satire and/or poor taste to get people to think hard about a serious topic. I don't think you need to apologize for a thought provoking post.
Frankly, the notion of mixing drinking and sex isn't so black and white. The author wasn't advocating roofies or have sex with a comotose, snoring, or even too-sleepy girl. As women, don't we bear some responsibility for what we do after knowingly consuming drugs or alcohol? I frankly think it was a Xanga-worthy post to stimulate thoughts on a very gray topic.
@ZepBlueEyedGirl@xanga - Agreed.
Thank you for apologizing. It takes some guts to stand up and say "I was wrong."
Thanks for the apology, his post really should have never gone through. I would welcome a post with advice on how to watch out for date rape in a constructive manner, not as a joke. Because really, it's nothing to joke about. AT ALL.
(and yes, I did get that it was a satire from the beginning. But his style is just not humorous to me, and hasn't been in any of his attempts. This one just really struck a nerve.)
no apology needed. i thought it was hilarious, and i feel badly for those who are too sensitive to have gotten it.
@cmclymer@xanga - For real. I agree with you 100%
I DID see the satire in the article & how it can be useful but the way it was presented was wrong & could have been stated alot better. Apologizing does take alot of guts so you're awesome to put yourself out there the way you did.
It's not like the title was misleading. I read the article as, "5 things a total douche would do to trick you."
Don't get me wrong, that specific author needs to stop writing "satire," especially on Datingish. The readers obviously don't like it. It's not getting any funnier.. Especially with rape..
Your apology, though brave and admirable, isn't necessary in my opinion. I like your posts and you're being too hard on yourself.
@MangoWOW@xanga - You know, I've thought about your comment a little bit here and I only have one reply. To some of us it isn't a joke because we know people are who like that. In real life. That is how they operate every day and how they seriously think about women. So, to some of us, it isn't funny at all. And not everyone can understand his form of satire. Satire can be a tricky thing to convey over the internet.
hey! Xanga was noticed by somebody not on xanga! Mission accomplished, guys.
@NikBv@xanga - Not in a good way though..
If only more people could be responsible like you have shown.
It's not always about being right, or even about winning - sometimes you just have to take the general consensus of your audience and simply roll with it. Kudos.
@nyfemme@xanga - agreed
common sense is unbecoming nowadays