Saturday, 18 September 2010
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Sometimes I Wish I Weren't a Lesbian...
There are some days I wish that I wasn't born this way. If I had been born straight finding a new significant other would be so much easier. Right? Damn. I'd be happier if I was even remotely attracted to the other sex so that my dating pool could open up just a bit more. Because right now I'm not having much luck .
Granted I never leave the house except to go to work or run errands. But STILL. At least if I were straight I could hit on a guy if he came into my store. Or I could flirt back on the very very VERY rare occasions a guy hits on me. But as a lesbian I can't openly hit on all these cute and attractive women that come into my store.
Where I live we have a few gay/lesbian bars. The thing of it is I've done some research. Most of the girls that go there, I'd say about 90% of them are very butch. That's just not my type. I typically fall for the girl next door type. If they have brown hair it's even better. I like what I like. I wish I could open up more about it. And I hate that I'm so judgemental about how a person looks because I would never want someone to judge me on how I look. And maybe they are. Maybe that's why I'm single.
I've tried the usual dating sites to no avail. When the ex and I went through our first break-up I did start messaging a girl I met through a dating site. But in the end I just couldn't go through with our date. It felt so wrong. I was not over my ex by an stretch of the imagination. And neither was she over me. We ended up dating a very trying 2 or 3 months longer after getting back together. But it wasn't to be. And I lost touch with that new girl because once the ex and I were back on I cut off contact.
So here I am about a month after the break up and I am dying of not being considered as a couple any more. Probably getting into a relationship is the last thing I need. But I'm not looking for something long-term right now. Long-term would be wrong-term as far as I'm concerned. But I wouldn't mind going out on a few fun dates with a few fun girls.
If only it were as easy as turning off one switch and turning on another. I just feel that I am so very limited to a very small minority of possible dates. And don't think that I'm not happy with who I am. I am. I LOVE being an out and proud lesbian. I love women. That's not ever going to change. I just think it'd be so much easier in the long run.
So to all of you gays and lesbians out there do you feel the same? Do you sometimes wish you were straight just to better your chances of finding the one? Or am I crazy?
I don't know what to do other than what I'm doing. And it's clearly not working for me. Is there some secret lesbian thing I'm missing here? Are there other places I'm over looking besides gay-bars and online dating?
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About the Author
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- From: secretsandliesforever@xanga
- Name: secretsandliesforever
- About Me: I'm just your typical next door gaybor. I work. I eat. I sleep. I'm just like you. Unless you're a serial killer... then we're two different people.
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Comments (142)
I'm straight, but I think that there's someone for everyone out there ;) Good luck :) And you're not crazy lol
Yeah I relate to this so much! I feel like gay guys have a little bit easier of a time than lesbians, at least in my experience, but even still, it can be incredibly difficult to know how and where to find people to potentially date. It seems like you really have to know where to look or else it's much less likely to fall in your lap than with straight ppl. I know that love doesn't always (or usually) just "happen" or fall into straight people's laps either... but it seems to happen a whole lot more than in the gay world. The gays in Alabama seem to either go single forever, or they all date the same people who are super into the gay scene; if you're not into the gay scene it can be slim pickins. Sooo yeah. You're not alone at all.
I can see how being gay could cut down your flirting possibilities. Some people get a little uncomfortable when someone of the same sex is trying to hit on them. I think people just need to relax about it a bit more. I can't count the number of times that I've said, "Thanks, but I'm straight. Sorry. I hope you find someone else though." It's really really simple. I think if people were more comfortable with that then it would be easier for you guys to find dates, because you really can't always tell just looking at a person if they're gay or not, but if you're looking for a date then it never hurts to try.
Keep trying though! I'm sure there's someone out there who is looking for someone just like you!
No, I completely understand. It's very hard sometimes. I did have some luck on plentyoffish and okcupid though. But, I'm back with girl so no need for that anymore. And you know, if you find someone cute and attractive.. hit on them girl! Who doesn't want to feel pretty or liked? You have nothing to lose, just don't go pinching too many butts ;)
-saraI have trouble with heterosexual relationships. I'd probably epic fail at gay ones.
I'm sure there are "girlish" lesbians out there. Although, so far, it is more common in the fantasies of men and the porn industry.
As cheesy as it sounds, someone will come to you when the time is right, at least in my situations that is what happened. With my ex, he just happened to message me one day (we went to the same high school), and we slowly started talking and things worked out..for a while. We eventually ended things because we were just too different. With my current bf, I met through a coworker, and honestly again, I wasn't really out there trying to pursue anything because I've had bad luck trying to "find" people, but one thing led to another, and I can say that I am with someone that I do trust a lot and am happy with.
You will be with someone in the future..don't worry. Good luck!
I feel the same way. It's so hard to find another girl out there, especially if you have a specific type. What's even worse is falling for a girl who is straight. I just wish everyone went both ways, wouldn't that make life simple.
I think that moving to gay-friendly communities is definitely the easiest way to finding someone with your sexuality. It's working for me.
Hi new friend :)
I found out some girls from my highschool are lesbians.. they are absolutely gorgeous. No one ever expected them to be lesbians, so I say go for it. Hit on any hott girl cause ya never know! haha
I once had a friend who told me that love is like a tub of LEGOs. You can go through the whole tub looking for a certain piece, but until you start working on something else, it won't show up. He then said that I should focus on myself- my schoolwork, my personal happiness, etc.- and that when I least expect it, that's when someone will all but fall into my lap.
And I think that applies to everyone. You have to take care of you first. You need to be able to not worry about being single before you date someone, otherwise you could end up dating them just to be dating somebody and that's rarely a good enough reason. It sounds to me like you may still be hung up on the ex a bit- give it time. Surround yourself with good friends who are supportive, and things will eventually improve.
And, though I'm attracted to men, I'm picky as well. You can't be hard on yourself for having a "type;" my god, you have to be somewhat attracted to them for it to work at all.
Best of luck to you....
Don't regret what you are. Embrace it. Just because I'm straight or most of the people here can find someone. Honestly, it just depends on the time and if you're ready or not to meet them. Time is crucial for both homosexuals and heterosexual relationships. We're still the same people..if I remember correctly.
No seriously, if you see a pretty or cute or attractive girl...go for it and hit on her! I'm straight, but if someone, even a lesbian hit on me, I'd be so flattered! I'd blush and the whole she-bang!!! It would totally max out my ego that I'm attractive to the not only the opposite sex but also the same sex!!! So yeah, go for it!!! Besides, you never really know who is and isn't gay/lesbian. Turns out that girl you hit on in the yogurt section...yeah, she might be gay! It's not like people wear signs to identify themselves as either gay or straight!
don't worry, maybe your time hasn't come yet.
I'm straight, don't think I'm ugly at all, and still have trouble finding someone. I basically give up looking and just take it as it comes =_=i'm married to a man, and sometimes I wish it was a woman.
Love and connection happens when it does, not when we want it to.
Sorry to hear you are having no luck.
It's posts like this that make me wonder how some people can believe that homosexuals chose to be homosexual. It's obviously not a choice what sex you like.
Hmmm..well im not gay so I cant help you in that department. And I can imagine how lonely it must get but maybe it would be better to..just try and make friends. Get to know someone and then fall in love. I can imagine that having a train wreck ending too..but idk lol. Maybe a new location might be better? If its worth it.
@Cambios@xanga - Nicely said
@Cambios@xanga - I love this. Thank you
@SicTransitGloria19@xanga - I always worry about becoming friends with someone then trying to date. Because I would hate to lose that friend if it doesn't work out. And my history proves that it's nearly impossible to maintain a friendship even if I try. :(
i'm bisexual, but am seriously tired of men right now. i really wish i could find a woman but i have the same problem... my best friend who's also bi swears she has a gaydar... but i don't think i have one... or if i do it's on the fritz because i can never convince myself to hit on girls. it's too risky. i need to know for sure that they're gay before i can step up.
Yep, I can totally relate. Much of what you just said is exactly true for me, just replace "lesbian" with "gay," "girl" with "boy" and "butch" with "queer/camp." It's pretty slim pickings as it is (I think the stats average around 1 in 8 people being homosexual) but when the scene just isn't your thing and the exaggerated stereotype (butch girls/effeminate guys) just does nothing for you it's that needle in a haystack feeling. For the most part I just try and focus on being a better individual; so many people waste their potential fretting over finding Mr. or Ms. Right. But I'm still human and it gets pretty depressing at times....
...Well this is awkward.
Dating SUCKS. I would probably hit on the girls cause you never know and even if they are not into women they had a confidence boost for the day.
@infinitely_invisible@xanga - I know I sooo don't have gaydar either i'm bi as well. But I'm married to a male and I guess I don't "tune" in enough just because I don't have towell...you werent born that way.
that being said, being single has pros and cons, and being with someone has pros and cons.
you dont need to have a relationship to be who you are and everything so, id say just relax for now. do some stuff for yourself ya know?
you are retarded. you dont want to be a lesbian DONT BE ONE. You arent and werent born a lesiban get that out of your mind. you need serious help Lesbian is a CHOICE. something in your mind snapped and instantly made you love girls... werido