As a freshman, I took plenty of large lecture classes. Now, when I say large, I’m talking absolutely packed—if it were a bag of chips, it would be packed to the very brim.
So in this lecture of about 300 people, we were watching a video about this guy who suffered from severe short term memory loss.
After the video (which was great and really interesting), my professor opened up the class for questions. One inquisitive student asked, “What caused this guy’s memory loss?” The professor replied, “It was a long-term side effect of his herpes.”
About three rows behind me, a guy’s hand shot up.
The professor called on him, and he spat, with a crack in his voice,
“DOES THIS HAPPEN TO EVERYONE WITH HERPES?!” I can’t recall if the professor managed to answer him… I think he may have been laughing too hard.
This got me thinking, though: is there any elegant way to admit you have an STD? It’s certainly a very unfortunate condition, and I imagine it’s really not a picnic to have to admit that you have one. I do know that if anyone divulged that information to me (in any setting that wasn’t a public lecture), I certainly wouldn’t be disgusted—in fact, I’d make every effort to make that person feel less awkward.
No one likes feeling embarrassed; especially about something that he or she simply can't help.
Can anyone think of an easy way to admit that you have an STD?
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Comments (56)
hmm... long ago before me and my boyfriend were dating he and i slept together. unfortunately the week before that he slept with another girl (drunk at a party). so anyway, a couple days or so after our encounter he texted me "THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY DICK!"
there's no eloquent way to say that, lol. especially to someone you've been sleeping with.
If it were me, I'd just he straight up with the other person from the get go. Hopefully avoiding the whole "oh, yeah, you not have an STD, you're welcome!" after math of a heated in the moment kind of session.
It's better to ask from the get go..that's how it should be.
@thedommediaries@xanga - I think he executed that problem like a pro. hahaha!!
@KickingSheep@xanga - Haha I know right? I was laughing too hard at that message to even be mad.
I think the best way is to just come out and say it. I also think it depends on the time that someone admits to having an STD. Blurting it out before doing the dirty is definitely bad, but sometimes, it's the only time if it was a one night hookup.
I have this ex friend who got herpes from cheating on her boyfriend. Of course they broke up....ever since then she's been going around telling everyone she has herpes. Some ppl just don't have shame.
Bwahaha! That's actually really funny.
I don't know about a worse way to admit you have an STD but I do remember when I was in college. A bunch of guys and maybe two girls were watching football together (a Penn State game) and the guys were doing this thing where they were deciding if it would be more gay to be a "pitcher" or a "catcher" in a homosexual sex act.
Guy 1: It's definitely less gay to be the pitcher.... unless you're in prison.
Guy 2: What? Why.... oh wait, I see,...
Guy 3: Yeah, like, in prison you're under threat so you kind of have to be a catcher even if you're straight.
Guy 2: Yeah, yeah... to keep from getting killed. Okay, I get it. So it's less gay to be a catcher than a pitcher- but only in prison.
Guy 3: Yeah. Like, I mean, even butt sex is better than getting killed.
Guy 2: Yeah, and butt sex wouldn't even hurt that much, would it? I mean, we've all shit some pretty big turds so it can't really be all that bad.
And then, in the middle of this fantastic debate, one girl suddenly said: "Oh no! Butt sex hurts a LOT!"
Everybody was really silent, and then all the boys burst into loud laughter. The girl, realizing what she had just implied, put her face in her hands while the guy seated next to her laughed and slapped her on the back. "No, that's cool," he said, laughing, "That's awesome, what you just said. I'm going to remember that.... heheheh"
@laytexduckie@xanga - I hope you mean right before, and not that if you're in a relationship it's ok to wait until after.
Personally, I think it should come up in conversation, but I wouldn't have sex outside of marriage, much less outside of a relationship. In every relationship I've had, we've talked about sex, and things like when it would be appropriate to do it, what we both wanted, etc. I made it very clear from the beginning of a relationship that I was waiting for marriage, so there was no surprise when say, 6 months in, things are getting hot and heavy in somebody's bedroom and we get naked and I'd have to be like "Oh sorry, I don't go all the way." For my first boyfriend, we didn't worry about STD's because we were both virgins and we weren't doing anything that involved the word "sex". My second boyfriend, I did things I wish I hadn't (not just because he's my ex, it's a long story) and we talked about STD's and he claimed to have been tested and clean (he also claimed to have had sex only once, with a foreign girl, and I have no clue how they met or anything like that. Pretty sure he made her up). But there was definitely something wrong with his penis, and it was gross. And we didn't use condoms or anything, so I'm just very lucky to not have caught anything from him. My husband claims to have been tested and clean, and we give blood together pretty regularly (they reject your blood, call you, and don't let you donate anymore if you have an STD).
just come out and say it. if i had an STD, i wouldn't let it get to the point where we were about to have sex and they still didn't know. "hey baby, get a condom, i have herpes" isn't really sexytalk, but it IS something your partner deserves to know beforehand. i would be pissed if i slept with someone and later found out they had an STD, and if you happen to have AIDS & don't share the information, and the other person gets it, well that's classed as murder.
also, while i wouldn't go out of my way to make the person feel embarrassed, and i would be nice and all, it's not like cancer - it IS something you can help, usually. don't sleep around, and if you do, at the very least use condoms, duh. i feel really bad for people who contract an STD from rape, or from their SO having one and not telling them or something, but sheesh. STD's are probably one of the most controllable illnesses out there. have a little self-control, or at least use adequate protection, unless you're married and/or trying to conceive, and once you are, don't cheat. honestly, it's not that difficult.
@Covergirl_For_Sanity_Fair@xanga - That's what I meant.
Ha ha ha. Hilarious story.
I would think that having an STD would seriously change your dating culture.... =\ I don't know what I'd do, or how I'd like someone to tell me. Straight up and right away, I think....
@InThisDiary90@xanga - hmm. just desserts getting herpes from cheating. Sounds complicated.
There was a site around that lets you send ecards telling people to get testing. Basically they went like "Hey! I might have (insert STD), you may wanna go check some stuff out!"
"especially about something that he or she simply can't help"
Just want to throw in there...abstinence kids. You can prevent it.
I am pretty sure that at least where I'm from the health department will send a letter to your previous partners for you to notify them that they should be tested. As far as future partners, that's a toughie, but it's right for them to know.
well i asked my husband to get tested when we first got together and he has herpes and before we started sleeping together he said as soon as he found out he said he had something to tell me and he showed me the paperwork from his doctor and he looked ashamed and was crying he had only slept with 3 women ever.. one was his first wife then 2 girlfriends we figured he got it from his most recent ex. so he looked at me with tears in his eyes and told me "if you don't want to be with me i completely understand if you leave right now and never come back" well i didn't care because herpes is the least harmful std (if there is one) and he could wear a condom when he had an outbreak. but he is the best guy i could ever have gotten for myself despite his 'flaw' and i just didn't care. we have been married a year and a half and i am still std free. he's taking meds for it too on a daily basis. so we just hugged for the longest time and i gave him a kiss and told him i wasn't going anywhere and that he was stuck with me.
@chiffon_pixie@xanga - you can still get an std by not sleeping around. my husband only slept with 3 people at the time he found out but unfortunately for him they were girls that did get around.
I'd get pissed if I found out right after the act. I hate selfish people who loves sex so much that they lie to get it. Although it's understandable, I don't see why they should lie if they're in a serious, long-term relationship.. Ugh. I'm not a jerk. I won't abandon somebody because something's wrong with them that they couldn't help.
I have a family member who came clean to me about having herpes. It was over breakfast, when we were discussing sex, she was telling me to be careful and use condoms and get tested and all that. I was shocked but I was glad that she had shared that with me, because I knew that was something she wouldn't go around telling everyone. It's definitely tough to talk about but definitely needs to get addressed.
Many people commenting have said that they'd tell absolutely their love interest or partner that they have herpes before sex, always always always... but let me give you another scenario.
Imagine you're in a relationship, or simply just want to have sex, and you tell the person you have it. They make up an excuse and leave, never to be seen again.
You figure this happens around 4-5 times, with 4-5 different people that you've fallen truly interested in over the course of time. Think about the people you individuals have cared for, and how far you'd go to simply be with them in any way.
I believe a human being, facing such rejection, would get desperate after a while. Much of the time, that person would change their mind about being honest from the get-go, because they simply want to be loved, to be touched in a 'normal' way.
People omit things that they probably shouldn't, but think of some of their reasons. Just food for thought.
@lagnolalia@xanga - There are selfish people, and then there are desperate people. Read my first comment, if you please.
@wideopenskies@xanga - Being rejected 4 or 5 times because of that IS sad. But not telling someone before you sleep with them is sad too. You aren't giving that person any say in the matter. And I think that's wrong.
std carriers should have it tattooed somewhere on them, because I hate hearing it after 3 months of dating some chick
There are two types of herpes, and one is not necessarily an STD. One can be given to you by your parents just kissing you while having a cold sore. And guess what, chicken pox and shingles are both types of herpes as well.
(I've never had chicken pox, I'm immune naturally, but I wonder if that makes me immune to herpes, not that I'd ever test that.)
@wideopenskies@xanga - As much as I can empathize with the reasons as to why people do it, I can tolerate diseases more than lies. Personally, speaking only for who I am, I will be able to bear with it. Of course, not everyone is like that which is why these things happen.