I read this article a few weeks ago that claimed, “Children raised by lesbians have fewer psychological problems.” Well, I’d love to haughtily assert that statement’s truth, but honestly, I have absolutely no idea. I can only tell you how growing up with my sweater collectin’, clog wearin’ mommies affected me. Yes, it made me like the Indigo Girls and care exponentially less about shaving my legs, but it also affected my life in actual significant ways.
1) I’m probably the only straight person to have “come out.”As a six year old, I remember running home one day crying after I kissed this freckled boy behind a tree while we were playing house. I had made him some sort of sand pie, and when he was pretend going off to work, I gave him a (real) pretend kiss that resulted in my suspension from kindergarten.
Yes, evidently you can in fact be suspended from kindergarten. Actually,
you probably can’t.
I can.
When my mom picked me up from school that day, she cocked an eyebrow at me and said calmly, “So. We had a little mishap today, did we not?” I sniffled, coughed, and sputtered,
“MOMMY, I’M SO SORRY. I THINK I LIKE A BOOYYYY.” I used my left pigtail to wipe away my tears.
Her mouth broke open into an amused smile as she laughed and replied, “
Oh baby, you’re SUPPOSED to like boys! I’m happy you like boys! Just don’t go kissin’ on them just yet, okay honey?”
Apparently, as a child, I thought that women and women just… went together. Like lox and bagels or John Deere products and Midwesterners.
2) I learned about intolerance REAL quicklyWe all know that middle school girls are assholes. If you’re a middle school girl right now, I sincerely apologize for your current social situation. It will get better (unless you’re a popular middle school girl, in which case, good for you…).
When I was in middle school (seventy billion years ago), I had a best friend named Audrey.
Audrey and I were two of a kind. We baked brownies together, watched Legally Blonde over and over, and I spent weekends at her house. Not my house. Her house.
After several months of Audrey’s House Adventures, I called her and invited her to my place for the weekend.
Audrey: Oh… uh… I’m kinda busy this weekend.Me: Oh! Well how about next weekend?Audrey: Mmmm… I’m kinda busy that weekend too. Me: Wow, you sure are a busy one!(I sure was an imperceptive sixth grader)Audrey: Yeah…. Well see ya. The next day at school, Audrey didn’t meet me at my locker. In middle school land, that meant shit had gone down. While I was on my way to my first class, I encountered her in the middle of the hallway, surrounded by a posse of six girls who had clearly already hit puberty (sigh, I bet THEIR moms let them shave THEIR legs…). I figured this wasn’t some sort of improvised Red Rover game, so I said,
Me: Hey Audrey! What’s up?Audrey (more for her audience of bimbos than me): Sally hates me now.Me: What? N-No I don’t.Audrey: Hmph. Whatever. See you around.What the hell? I was genuinely perplexed.
Later, I returned to my locker to find a note.
Dear Sally, I can’t come to your house because your mom is gay. My mom doesn’t think we should hang out together anymore. Sorry I guess. See you around.AudreyI was crushed. Did Audrey's mom think that Audrey would “catch the gay” if she stayed at my house? Did she think that my loving, wonderful parents would do a poor job taking care of her child? I have no idea. I’ve stopped thinking about it, because I can’t make sense of it. I soon made different friends, and I had no problems with tolerance until years later, when I was sixteen.
3) I gave up on being intolerant of intolerance REAL quicklyAfter a soccer game, I was in the locker room idly brushing the knots out of my hair. In the background, I could hear a conversation about gay people going on, so my ears perked up.
G (for girl): … ugh, gay people should NOT get married.M (for minion): I TOTALLY agree, Cynthia (or insert other stupid generic Queen Bee name here)G: And could you IMAGINE if they adopted or had children?! My WORD!I slammed my brush down.
S: Excuse me, I have gay parents, and I don't think I could possibly have asked for a more loving family. Girl walked over to me.
G: What makes me so sad, is that you think homosexuality is okay.My eyes burned and my knuckles turned white as my fingers dug into the folds in my hands. But before I could come up with a scathing retort, I realized something important: no matter what I said to this girl, she was always going to think she was right.
Just as she couldn’t possibly convince me that homosexuality was amoral, I couldn’t convince her that it was perfectly all right. It was an impossible situation. So, I smiled at her, said, “Okay.” And walked off.
So there you have it. All that my gay mommies have done for me is make me tolerant (even of intolerance) and super super straight (mmm...boys). Oh, and just in case you're wondering, I call them both "mom." Sure, my nonbiological mother didn't give birth to me, but she's still my parent. Would you call your dad "Steve" or whatever?
If any of ya’ll have any other questions or comments, I’d be happy to answer them for you, or respond to your comments!
Recommend
Comments (96)
That's horrible that your friend's mom made her stop hanging out with you just because of your moms..and what that girl said. I never saw a problem with people who love the same sex, it's love all the same, I just don't understand why people can't accept that. Good for you for not letting them get to you though =) <3
This was a very fun post to read! I *personally* believe that *marriage* is between a man and woman, because of my Christian beliefs. HOWEVER, this does not mean I'm "anti-gay". My faith also teaches that I am to love others unconditionally... I have nothing against homosexuals. This gave me an even better understanding towards children who come from homosexual relationships. Thanks for the fun read!
My mom is gay as well. although i have a bit of a stickier situation, because she was married to my father when they had me, then she came out.. i guess... she's never really been very clear with me on that... which is rather annoying, because it makes it hard to explain to people being that they assume she is straight because i have a mom and a dad. i went thru similar things in elementary school, no one really said anything to my face, but they whispered about it. the fact that i went to a christain school didn't help the murmurs any.
but whats really difficult is that my boyfriends family, that i live with, (namely his dad) is very intolerant (i'm talking, about almost anything, women should be in the kitchen cooking and cleaning, very retro 50s way of thinking, luckily, my boyfriend is the complete opposite) but because of that, they don't know my mother is lesbian, even tho my mother now has a live in girlfriend. i try to ignore it from his dad, but it's always something in the back of my mind whenever his dad says i should have my mom over for dinner... what am i supposed to do, tell my mom to leave her girlfriend home. even then, i wouldn't want to put my mom in an awkward situation if his dad went off on some gays are gross tangent. have you ever had a situation like that? any advice?
i looove this post! i also love how you just said, "ok" to the girl and walked off. <3 yay!
That's horrible, what those people put you through. It must have been hard but you sure are strong..and good for you for sticking by what you believe! :)
i really enjoy reading your posts. this one was enlightening and entertaining at the same time!
great post! loved it. =)
this post was very enlightening :] im going to share it w/ my friends cause it was so interesting. thanks!
great post
I have a boy in the daycare I work at. He has lesbian parents. He calls one if his moms Mom and the other one Dad.
I love this post...as you said the only thing it did was make you like boys and a more tolerant...one of my very good friends is raising two very awesome kiddos right now with her girlfriend and to me it makes no difference.
I loved your story about freaking when you kissed the little boy. If I
ever do get married to some lucky lady and lift my ban on children, I
hope they turn out as happy as you seemed to have.
P.S. I really love your posts. I experienced a slight moment of "oh,
damn" when I read you were into boys. I've had a mini-crush on you since
your "drunk text" post.
Wonderful post!
"I think I like a boy!"
LOL, cute.
This was great.
I love this post and think everyone ought to read it. I don't see that it makes a damn bit of difference if a child's parents are gay or straight, so long as they know how to be good parents.
And I kissed a boy in kindergarten too. I was just mocked mercilessly the rest of the year. I didn't understand. He was cute. You kiss cute boys. It made sense to me.
OMG I hate people like that but many are just that way. I am bisexual and when I was working a manager had said to me what will other children say to your child about things like why is your mommy like that? It pissed me off... I have anger issues too I don't want to make it harder on my child because of my sexuality. It will be hard for him enough already because my husband is physically disabled and people are cruel and shallow like that.
Awesome post. The only thing I wonder is, if you're talking to one of them in particular and you just say "mom" doesn't it get confusing? Especially if you're like calling from the other room? O.o I guess it's just like having a son and a husband with the same name or something.
I wasn't as outspoken back then than I am today. So, today when people starting bashing gays and saying that they should'nt marry or have children, I wouldn't be afraid to open my mouth. Back then, of course like other kids, I did have a slight phobia of a boy liking me. But, as I got older, I started to become more and more tolerant and soon accept a lot of my friends who were gay.
What bothers me a lot are the guys who don't like gay people because they say "I don't want them to come after me." To which I respond, "Stop flattering yourself. You're not that great looking."
I love this post. I recently found a post on livejournal full of pro-gay icons. They make me smile and so does your post.
What fucking bitches. They deserve to have their hair ripped out.
I can't understand what it's like having two mothers (for lack of a better term), but I do know what it's like to have two gay friends. And, to be honest, I have absolutely no problem with homosexuality. They were both girls and the best friends I've ever had. Good for you for not continuing the argument with G, because you knew that she would always think she was right. The way I see it, why should a man and a woman be able to get married, but a woman and a woman (or a man and a man) can't?
Anyhow, I loved this post and I'm glad that you stick up for your parents. :D
This was cute. :)
Great post.
While I have mixed feelings on gay marriage...I am by no means "anti-gay". And also I have to be skeptical of that study...there really just can't be enough info on this topic in either direction as of yet. Every study is a relatively small sample size and can't yet account for the million variables involved in an issue like this.
With that said, my only interest in this topic is hearing on a case by case basis, the experiences of individuals who grew up with gay parents....which you did so well.
I'm just totally guessing here....but I would THINK that the best scenario for being raised by gay parents is a girl being raised by lesbians. I mean, moms are the best! so its no surprise that having two moms would have its benefits. =) I'm sure the issue gets entirely more complicated with two gay men as parents.....particularly for a boy raised by two men.
Anyways, a fun and interesting and insightful post! =)
@vincenthunting@xanga - It was a 25 year long study published in the prestigious Journal of Pediatrics. The abstract is there for public viewing, sitting alongside the
ADHD, Asthma, pediatric oncology, and blood disorder articles - which
Doctors all over the nation consult daily. No "quack" research findings, save that for Focus on the Family.
This is a new side of datingish. I do like.