Memories are strange little creatures. I couldn't tell you what I had for breakfast yesterday, but I remember my first day of school perfectly.
I was dressed in red corduroy overalls, and I carried a Rugrats lunchbox stuffed with an apple and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. My mom had curled my fine wispy hair into bundles and secured it gently with pink barrettes behind each of my ears. As I skipped out the door, I remember feeling her hand on mine, strong and soft.
We pulled up to my elementary school, she rubbed my belly (just for luck) and said, "I love you boo-boo, make good choices.
And remember, if anyone asks, mama and I are just roommates." I nodded, kissed her on the cheek, and ran into my classroom, already heavy with first-graders hanging in corners like grapes.
Yep, I've got big ol' lesbian mommies. I could talk about how that has affected my upbringing, and why my mother spared me awkward fumbling explanation as a six-year-old by making me claim that my parents weren't a couple, but that's simply another story-- this story is about my parents' love.
Bottom line, my mom is a huge pimp. When she was pregnant with me (artificial insemination, my mom is a penis virgin), she lived in a small German town.
There, she met my other mother-- Kismet. At first, they were just friends. They talked and laughed, ate sweet German foods, and wreaked havoc in local malls, trying on crazy sunglasses and bouncing on mattresses.
Already, my mom loved Kismet. Kismet, however, was married. To a boy. Years later, my parents became closer. Kismet's marriage began to crumble, and my mother was there to comfort her. Now I don't know the specifics, but somehow, they started to date. Almost immediately, Kismet wanted to commit to my mom, but my mom wouldn't let her. "Kismet, you haven't ever dated any other women. Give it a chance, see if I'm really what you want." So she did. No one compared to my mama.
Today, they're still together and happy as ever, though Kismet maintains an interesting mantra:
"I'm not a lesbian, I just fell in love with a woman."Lately I've been thinking a lot about that. Are people's sexualities just fluid? Is any of us capable of falling for anyone else? Personally, I can't imagine dating a woman, but I certainly wouldn't rule it out.
There has been plenty of scientific research regarding human sexuality; the most prominent of which is Alfred Kinsey's research resulting in something called the Kinsey scale. According to Kinsey, we all lie on a sort of sexuality spectrum. He created a scale from 0 (indicating complete heterosexuality) to 6 (indicating complete homosexuality) and also included the variable "X" on the scale to indicate asexuality.
It seems likely, then, that there many more identities than simply "gay" or "straight." In fact, most who criticize Kinsey's scale do so because they believe that human sexuality is even more complicated than he depicts it. Perhaps sexuality, like our taste in food or clothing, could even vacillate.
What do you guys think? Is sexuality set for life, or does it just depend on your environment (experiences you have and people you meet)?
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Comments (41)
I'm one of the ones who criticize it. It was a great step in a new direction, but it was still a little biased and putting "asexuality" on there after the original Kinsey scale doesn't make sense. With the x, it's no longer a scale of who you're attracted to, but how much too, and I really don't see why hypersexuality hasn't come into play.
Storm's Quadrant is a little closer to reality, though I don't like the fact that it concludes that bisexuality is the opposite of asexuality (basically implying that bisexuals want more sex than the average person). The image I provided was one from an old post I did about it. The heart symbol is where I believe I sit sexually (mostly attracted to women, but I have a much lower sex drive than average), and the spade is where my boyfriend is (almost exclusively attracted to women, with little exceptions, and a slightly lower sex drive than average).
I think both examples are outdated. People should just try their best to describe what they feel instead of quantifying it.
Everyone's also a little bit racist.
And gay, yes.
@beccamica@xanga - lol. Thanks. Now that song's stuck in my head, but blended with "If You Were GAY!"
I think everybody's bisexual to either one extent or another (gravitation towards the mean, and the rarity of perfection in anything), but some don't realize it.
I loved this post I think it's like our taste in food sometimes it changes...you have to experience stuff to learn about yourself and your environment is a lot in it too, if you live in a community where it's excepted (I THINK) you have more of a chance at being homosexual, but then again that's not true. I also think it's just who you are it's your personality...
This comment probably made NO sense...but I have LOT'S of opinions...haha.
@beccamica@xanga - Maybe maybe. You might be right lol
fantastic story!
I think the sexuality binary is as fluid as the gender binary (and the latter I think is just plain silly).
I've never dated a girl. If I found a girl who rocked my socks off, would I consider it? Well, I had a femmecrush in highschool, so probably.
Ultimately, I don't think it matters. You love who you fall for. :)
I at least think I'm a tiny bit bisexual. I don't think I'd date a girl or hook up with a girl, but I do get attracted to girls. I'd say I'm 90% for men and 10% for women.
I don't mind my boyfriend looking at girls because I'll actually either disagree or agree with him. XD
I sometimes kinda think that. I mean, I've never "liked" a girl. I've never thought about doing anything sexual with a girl. It doesn't appeal to me. But I notice when a girl is pretty. I suppose if the "right" woman came along, I would think differently, and it probably would happen without me really noticing it. Unlike with guys, where I'm either attracted right away or not, with a girl a friendship would have to develop first. Anyone watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer? It's like Willow and Tara, and how they got together. Willow and Tara became friends, and Willow's ex boyfriend came back to town and said he wanted to try again, and she realized she loved Tara. I think I would have liked it better if she hadn't gotten with Kennedy in season 7 though. Part of it was because I just didn't like Kennedy, and part of it was because it was too soon after Tara died. But that's totally off topic lol
Once again, I am in love with your writing style. To answer the question, though, I'm not sure. I used to think that everyone has a little gay in them, but I realize that I can't speak for everyone. I can speak for myself, though. Mine changes every now and then. I love and am definitely sexually attracted to men, but I'm open to trying things out with a girl.
I enjoyed your story. I think everybody has the opportunity or not to be attraced to the same sex. I agree with the theory it all depends on who and where you are in life that makes you feel loved. I don't remember the exact research but I believed Sigmund Frued did some type of theory towards this. Later his followers delved into the topic.
I am pansexual. Naturally I'm attracted to both genders and I see gender as something more like.. eye color or what not.
It's just a physical feature to me.your moms sound the cutest
Well, I shared um..amorous words and emotions with one female for many years but haven't felt particularly inclined in that direction since then. I do genuinely believe I was interested in her emotionally as a person first and she just happened to be a female. I've always been more emotionally and sexually interested in men and just sexually interested in females. So I dunno if I'm bisexual or just situational sexual?
One thing is certain though: "All SIMs are bisexual." Love that game.
Interesting post! I enjoyed your parent's story.
I do believe everyone has a little bit of gay in them.
I believe you're born with your sexuality, to a large extent, and my boyfriend believes its all upbringing.
I saw a show about a couple who were very religious, a male and a female, they were married. They were both homosexual, but married because they believe in Christianity and that its sin to be homosexual. So they married each other to have a heterosexual relationship. But they also loved each other, at least as best friends.
And then there was some kinda special on about another heterosexual relationship, where the couple had been married for like 25 years but the male in the relationship finally allowed the realization that he, was indeed, a woman (woman trapped in man's body). So he decides to finally identify himself as female, and his wife loves him anyway and they both explain that nothing has changed and their love is just as strong as ever.
stories like these are fun.
I firmly believe if you're happy and healthy with the one you love, more power to you.
I think it's fluid unless you block out those attractions. Like there are some heterosexuals so against ever being attracted to the same sex that I don't think they'll ever open themselves up to it if it does happen. Same with some homosexuals.
I used to be that way; I liked the same sex and all the guys I had crushes on were covers. I'm starting to rethink that now because I've met some guys that I've actually kind of started liking. But I'm still not attracted to anything other than their personality and I'm really mostly attracted to girls. But I've been thinking that maybe attraction isn't quite as black and white as we make it out to be. I think when you consider the many different ways you can be attracted to someone and possibly fall in love with them, it opens up the idea of fluid sexuality even more. I hope that makes sense; I'm still trying to figure out what's going on with myself so I'm not completely solid on this.
Well at least for guys... usually no. It's more acceptable to society for women to be bicurious.
@Covergirl_For_Sanity_Fair@xanga - Willow and Tara forever. I didn't like Kennedy either.
First of all, I love your writing. I'm glad you're around. :)
And second, this post is really interesting. I've always stuck to the notion that you can't choose who you love - it just sort of happens. Now that I think about it, maybe that doesn't have to be narrowed even by gender. Potentially, you could fall for anybody at any time, depending on the circumstances. I think that's entirely valid.
Wow, your parents' story is interesting... thanks for sharing your story with us!
It's a good question. I do also think that human sexuality is complicated, and if someone asked me, "Do you think that everyone is a bit gay?" I would think yes, more likely than not. At least, everyone seems to be a bit 'curious.' I dunno..
It's weird. Personally, I always knew I was attracted to guys. Like; just "I like guys." And I always cared a lot for girls, back before I knew that such a thing as 'bisexuality' existed. I loved getting really close to my friends (who I always lost anyway) as a young girl.
But more recently in my life, I've had 'girl-crushes' and I wonder 'does this make me a bit "gay" at all?' Then I think, further... 'Could I be in a relationship with a woman?' (before I began my current relationship), and I thought, 'probably... in fact, it would be neat to have a really close, intimate relationship with a woman..' then I thought 'What about sexually? Could I have a sexual attraction to a woman?' And I tried to imagine being with a woman sexually. I dunno.. neutral feeling. I do get curious about girls sometimes but I never really felt overly sexual urges... more like just pure attractions to their personalities, or character as a whole. Then I compared it to my like of guys. What about that? And I realized that I don't even think 'sexually' about being with a guy I like. It's pretty much the same way I felt about girls, more like "I'm attracted to this person and want to get to know them/ or get closer" not like "I want to get into this person's pants." I thought it was kinda weird; is it weird? I wondered for a time if I was asexual.. since I didn't seem to care about it much. Now I think, either my views were too naive, or I just care way too much about emotions and closeness as opposed to pure sex so it's really imbalanced. Weird.
Yeah, long comment and too much information but I never really viewed this thought process collectively like that. o.o
So yeah. I don't think sexuality is 'set.' If you start liking someone, you like them. Much like Kismet's statement. I love that name btw, it sounds quite Egyptian or something o.o
As a self-described "boy-crazy" girl, I've recently experienced being attracted to Jackie Warner, a supervisor who dressed as a "tom-boy", and then to a female contestant on the asian version of "American Idol" who looked androgenous. I wonder if it is the confidence and talent they possess, and my fluctuating levels of hormones that has to do with my attraction to androgenous looking females. It has never happened to me before. Lately, I have been very turned on by intelligence.
I think you're right, a person could fall in love with anyone. I've never been even slightly interested in girls and I'm in a serious relationship with a boy right now.. but I recently met this girl who works next door to me and all of sudden I feel like my orientation is doing a 180.
I think it's safe to say that there is a lot of gray area. Very few people are completely hetero or homosexual.
@inthenameofwater@xanga - If people don't realize that they are a little bisexual, then they obviously must not be bisexual.
"I'm not a lesbian, I just fell in love with a woman."
I believe that's an absolutely true statement. Sexual orientation shouldn't have limitations. It's very possible that a person falls in love with another person's personality and soul, not their sex.