Monday, 13 September 2010
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My Marriage Is Ending And I'm So, So Happy
My marriage is ending... well, it will in two years when he gets out of school and gets a job.
I shouldn't have married him but he was so sweet and dependable. Sure he he his moments when he would cuss me out and blame me for every rotten thing that happened in his childhood, comparing me to his parents or bosses he hated, but we got married. I had to pay for it, but not the rings.
He's quit every job he's had even after we had a baby. Everyday he would complain about babysitting. Do parents babysit their own children? I told him I can't pay for everything and daycare when you're just going to be hanging out at home.
Anyway I wanted to end it a year after we started but he is a really great guy who can fix any and everything. So I stuck it out in a sexless (1-2 times a year!), high stressed, money strapped (he likes the good life) marriage. Everything we have I paid for and it was never good enough. The house is too small, the truck isn't a 4 door, the list goes on.
Whenever I tried to talk about calling it quits he would cry and say he would live in a box in the woods and never get to see his child. I know if some other woman (sucker) would show interest in him he would be more willing to leave. He says he's going to do something with his life and be happy, but he still needs to live here while he gets his act together.
We've been married for 8 years and I thought it would never end. I'm so happy. I know I should feel bad but I have wanted this for so long. I can't wait.I know I should put him out. But he does drive our child to school and does up keep on the house. We don't sleep in the same room, we haven't for 7 years. Now I don't have to hear how bad a wife I am because I don't pay enough attention to him. Even though I'm the only one working, cooking, cleaning and caring for our child. But hey that eight mile drive to school and back takes a lot out of him and he need time to think because his life is so hard and he has issues from his childhood.
He is 34. I just couldn't make it work, maybe someone else can.Thank you for listening. Any advice on how to get through the next two years would be welcome.
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Comments (89)
So, momentito. You've been married for 8 years, resented each other for 7, and you had a child?
I don't exactly know your situation other than what you described here, but as a 2x4, you should not have had a kid with someone you despised. The poor child. I've got nothing for you. You should have just left immediately instead of keeping the child in a household like you describe.What a nutless sap. What the hell is his problem?
first of all, why the hell did you get married... and second...WHY THE HELL DID YOU HAVE A KID...
ugh
I'm not really in a position to give advice....but all I can say is stay strong in your decisions and don't let him keep boggling you down with his negativvity (as hard as that may be), and just keep all that energy for your kid, because it's crucial.
Good luck.
He sounds like a child. Good for you!
You'll probably get a lot of, "Marriage is sacred! Nobody respects
it..." yada yada bull, but the world isn't perfect and it's not the
fifties anymore. They'll get over it. It's your life and you did the
best you could. The fact that you guys have made it all these years is
amazing.
Remember...you've come this far, all you have to do is manage the next
two years and life will be better. I would spend it with your head held
high knowing that it's almost over BUT most importantly explaining it
and helping your child understand it. Don't forget how scary this can
be for the child and that children often feel guilty or blame
themselves. Remember that they have voices too...listen to
them...you'll know what they need.
wow. and this is the kind of thing that pisses me off. you know you shouldnt have married him, but you did. then only a year after being together you wanted out, but you stayed. then you had a freakin kid with him? and then years later you're STILL with him because he cries when you try and leave?
sorry, i'm not giving you any sympathy. you both are pathetic. i feel bad for your kid.
i don't think i would stick out that long. i would hv left...
n u r waiting a another 2 years? what? .. until he finish school? y? y? y?
read my blog here. <3
Don't wait two years....maybe two days??
Oh, sweetie, why are you waiting 2 more years? He's grown, he needs to take care of himself. He can get loans for his schooling and learn to lean on himself, not someone else. If you find yourself so happy at the thought of separating from him, don't deny yourself YOUR happiness. I don't even know where to begin! You have a child to take care of. Your child, not the husband, who is acting like a child. There are plenty of people who work, go to school and manage to help care for a child. He needs to grow up and you should definitely not allow this to continue. When finishes school, gets a job, he'll find to find a younger, newer model of a woman. Then you'll have the short end of the stick.
You married him even though you knew what he was like (and you probably knew at the back of your head that it was going to come to this someday). Fix it. I don't think datingish can give you any advice (not any good advice anyway).
I'm sorry but you just sound so pathetic. You're letting him take even more advantage of you by waiting two years. He's old enough to take care of himself, and if he falls on his ass and fails; it's not your fault and definitely not your responsibility to help him get back up. You're so happy that your marriage is ending, but you're postponing your happiness by giving him the satisfaction of knowing that he has two more years to try and find a way back into your heart, so he can continuing doing absolutely nothing.
I can tell you right now, one of the most attractive things about my fiance are that A) He is respectful of me and my feelings (99% of the time) and B) He is the most hardworking man I've ever met and I have no doubt in my mind that he won't be able to provide for us in the future. YOU NEVER MARRY SOMEONE WHO ISN'T FINANCIALLY OR EMOTIONALLY READY!
But I feel for you. I hope you find someone who deserves you AND your child! Don't marry a loser again.
Kick him out! Throw him out on the street, change the locks and move on. He seems like he needs to hit rock bottom and grow up a little. You're enabling him to act like this. He's a bad example for your child and he's sucking the energy out of you.
My first husband was much like your current husband and the best thing I ever did was kick him out. I have not missed him one bit.
waiting the two more years seems pointless if things are already as bad as you say. i understand not wanting to get rid of someone toxic when you feel like they have no one else to turn to, but at the end of the day, if you know you're going to leave him in two years, if you're honest with him about wanting to leave now, he'll figure something out. the sooner you're honest and the two of you can begin to move on with your own lives separately, the healthier it will be for you and your child... in my lowly, unmarried opinion. best of luck, none of this stuff is easy.
THROW HIM THE FUCK OUT
/end rant.
my boyfriend is 22 and doesnt have a job and i thought i had it bad lol . keep away and stay away, hopefully he will fix up his life and have the balls to support your guys child.
maybe you shouldnt have had his baby, but hey, it could be worse!!! and shit happens so it doesnt matter anyways. your child is probably beautiful and perfect to you, regardless of the otehr half of dna !
congrats for getting out of there. remember when you are at the bottem, there is no where to go but up! you are still young and you can find yourself a good man, not a lazy piece of shit bum : )
I really don't mean to judge and sorry if I come off that way, but from reading this, if I dealt with a man like this I would really look at the pros and cons of marrying him. Its not to say men cant change but if a man is in the first place, yelling and cursing at you,blaming you for his problems, then that's a huge problem for any relationship, and taking it to the next level can make it ever worse. Im not saying men can't change- they definitely can, I've seen it before my eyes but if he's not willing or acknowledges his own mistakes, he most likely won't change.
It's good that you found your way out of it, even though it is sad(to whomever), but good luck with a new chapter!
@bmillerssailor@xanga - same for me :) my fiance is amazingg, and I think being considerate of each other's feeling is a necessary thing to build your relationship on.
Seems to me like you love him more than you think. Why else are you going to give him 10 years of your life and a child? Just so you know...just because you'll be getting that divorce you want in 2 years will not mean he's completely out of the picture. You still have a child that'll bond you guys together forever.
This sort of screams co-dependent. Get out and get yourself some help. If he's worth any of the shit you both have put your child through he'll get his act together while you get yours together as well.
Rejoice! You are getting out of something you hated!
I'm going to be frank here...you're going to have to toss him out ... nothing will change...my dad was just like your husband.
You should feel bad? Yeah right! The fact you have stayed for 8 years is worthy of applause. You're doing whats right.
Why did you get married and have a kid then? You vowed for better or worse. You should have thought about the future before you jumped into things. Sounds like you're just a greedy person who wants it all. You married him for a reason, so stay with him. How about you motivate him to want more out of his life, or even iniciate more sex? Every think of that. He's not the ONLY one in this marriage lady! You have to do more too!
You really shouldn't have married him in the first place...but you know that. I feel for your child because I can imagine it's been hell watching their parents hate each other for seven years. That is no kind of life.
I say get some counseling... Personal, marital, or both. Even after all this time there is still hope if you both can get your lives together. Otherwise, if you're really set on divorce...don't wait two years. He is a grown man. You don't owe him. If he keeps quitting jobs, that's on him. And you do not have to sit and wait two more years. Don't put yourself or your child through that.
@Lady_Kelacy@xanga - I agree. Get some counseling...whether personal or marital. It is possible even after all this time that things can be worked out. But it never will if you don't try.