Monday, 13 September 2010
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Txt Fights: 5 Reasons Why They Suck
If you are a cell phone junkie like me, and seem to have it attached to your hand, then probably more than once you have gotten into a text fight with your SO.
The texts might start off fine. "Hey babe, whatcha doin?" or even a "Missing you <3."
You start by chatting a little bit, and then for whatever reason, something someone says triggers the fight. "U went WHERE last nite?"
...and then it begins.
Although I confess I have fallen victim to the txt fights, I do understand how they're wrong and not helpful for the fight:
1. It's more hurtful. When you e-mail, txt, or write something to someone, people tend to be less nice about it, and cut to the chase. When you don't really see the person's reaction, you might not realize how much your statement hurt them.
2. Miscommunication. Let's face it. Sometimes someone says something and you can't figure out what the hell they meant by that. Were they angry? Were they being sarcastic? Without hearing the tone of voice and seeing body language, it's so much easier to misconstrue what the other person is trying to say.
3. Inconvenient. Because you bring your phone with you wherever you go, txt fights can be a real inconvenience. If your SO starts a fight with you at work, it can be very distracting and frustrating if you are just txt fighting back and forth all day.
4. No take-backs. Sometimes when fighting, you get all caught up in the moment, and say things you don't mean. When you're fighting in-person those comments are sometimes forgotten in the frenzy of all that's said. However, in txt fighting, you or your SO can go back to the previous messages on the phone and be reminded of all the messed up things you guys said to one another. Can you say resentment?
5. Useless. Txt fights usually don't work out well. Not to mention, one of the two people usually end up calling each anyway to yell at them. ("Are you effin kidding me? How dare you....blah blah blah") It just generates a lot more unneeded animosity. Couples should work out their problems together. Have we really become that impersonal as a society that we need to hide behind our phones in cases of conflict?
That being said, although I don't approve of txt fights, they have a couple good qualities about them. Each person gets their turn in speaking. People can stop txting and walk away for a minute to cool down. And txting allows people to think about what they are going to say before they say it.
Either way, I hate it... but I still do it. Ugh.
Anyone have any good txt fight stories? Did the texting make the fight better or worse?
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About the Author
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- From: Manny
- Name: Manny
- About Me: I'm just your average 21 year old college girl who overly analyzes love, relationships, and sex.
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Comments (53)
happens to me all the damn time. me and my boyfriend use text and email while i am at work and it almost ALWAYS ends badly. i think this stuff is very true and i always say things meaner than i could to his face. also it is much harder to make up since there is distance rather than fighting face to face
I agree this is a pretty bad way to argue.
me and my ex used to only text fight when one or both of us are drunk. it usually ends up in me telling him to delete my number and stop calling me (happened last week again) and he would blast my phone up but i would block his number. i admit text fighting is stupid
I partake in it fairly often and it's definitely a waste of time. There's almost always going to be miscommunication and therefore, not much (if anything at all) will get resolved.
This post also applies to fighting via MSN. Sigh..
Fighting sucks. :)
i got in a text fight with my ex which ultimately led to our break up. we should have worked it out in person, or at the very least by talking on the phone. it's not fun at all...
I can't understand how someone has the patience to do this. If I'm texting someone and they start pissing me off I just stop and call them.
it bothered me that text was spelled "txt" in this entire post.
Text message fights make me anxious, angry, and stressed out. My ex and I used to get into them all the time and I wanted to scream and throw things. It was horrible.
I've had friends try to fight with me through txt and it's SO annoying. They don't like face to face confrontation so they'd rather blow up my phone. I don't like face to face confrontation either but I prefer email over txt fighting.
I can't imagine taking the time to 'text fight." My boyfriend and I don't really have that many dissagrements, but should the time come I can barely phathom the idea of taking care of it over a text message. Seems really immature to me.
I try to keep my our fights in person but I, too, fall victim to text fighting!
My girlfriend and her man are guilty of this! Her man gets balls when he has his phone, he's not a big confrontation person face-to-face but when he has his phone, he lets it alllll out! I told her she needs to tell him to cut that shit off, lol.
@iJUST_ATEabug@xanga - same here :B it's not that hard to go from txt to text...
but anyways. i do agree. we are an impersonal society, and no one can say what they mean in person anymore. and it's sad. although i have had a text fight before... they're unfortunately a little easier for me, so i have time to actually think about what i'm saying instead of saying something i don't mean..
but, especially when it comes to relationships and breakups, i think these things need to be worked out in a manner where you can at least HEAR each other..
I've been on the phone with my husband where he hangs up and wont answer so I text fight him. But then he doesn't reply!!!!!!!
@lilblucherrygrl@xanga - same.
I don't have text fights rather fights face to face but usually they aren't too bad. They can be resolved easily.
I HATE text fights! My ex started randomly picking fights with me over text message for no good reason, then he would announce that I was the one who started them when it was obvious by looking at the texts that he did. Then he decided to break up with me over text message and then refuse to talk about it in person or give me my stuff back. It was really mature. He was 22 years old at the time and about to graduate from college. A week later, he hooked up with an ex. Three weeks later, he had a new girlfriend who he is still with. I honestly wouldn't be shocked if he cheated and that's why he started the text fights.
@lilblucherrygrl@xanga - Exactly! I don't even let it get to the point where I'm angry, if there's a slight miscommunication, then I call.. plus it's just a lot faster to communicate by talking than by texting.
I really think that people need to stop taking texting as a form of communication for ALL situations. If you are mad at someone, at least call them or wait til you're face to face to talk about everything... because like this blog states, there are so many things that can be made worse through emailing and texting things that are bad!. I just don't understand why people would want to use their cellphones as a barrier between them and another person when you should care more about the persons feelings.
How funny I would come across this right now, in the midst of a spat with one of my 'friends' on xanga (parantheses because we've never actually met, or spoken much for that matter). The things she's saying, I like to hope she has more tact than to ever dream of saying them were we in person.
I admit, I fell victim to the text/online fight SO MANY TIMES when I was younger. Lately, I'm much less apt to engage for the reasons you mentioned. It's incredibly difficult to decipher one's tone through text alone and the sluggish nature of such a fight exponentially prolongs the disagreement.
This is the story of my life. Nearly all of my fights have been started over text/internet/etc. because of miscommunication. I've lost a lot of friendships over it, and looking back I have definitely said some harsh things that to this day, I regret.
It fucking sucks and it's not worth it. Just call them or wait til you see them in person.
The only "good" thing about my last text fight is that I finally pushed away the one person who has hurt me the most over a course of about 3 years. Other than that, having to deal with the guilt hours later or days later isn't fun. Regretting what you say because you miss them sucks too. But that's his "thing". When he isn't in the mood to talk on the phone or online, it's right for the fu--er...excuse me....it's right for the doggone cell phone with him. (he claims he is a bad talker on the phone--utter crap.)
So I hit him right where it hurt. Between the two of us, we'd fight with like 3 and 4 pages of texts. After a point, I'm sure we both skimmed them and stopped reading things. I know that's what I did when I had about enough of the text wars. So I just shut it down and told him in the most 1/2 arsed way ever that it was over, it was 3 in the morning and I wanted to sleep, and he was "fired". After that, he kept texting me and I just deleted them. He never could take criticism well and the drama started because of my blog, actually. But the blog was all about how he kept flaking out.
:-/ So basically I had no right to express my unhappiness about things he did, because it reminded him of how everyone else always brought him down. Meh. I should have just told him I wasn't going to text anymore.
Oh god, fights over text really are the worst. I'd much rather just wait to see them to dish it out or call them than waste my time by messaging them. Plus it's harder to say what you want what with the character limit and all that. Thankfully I don't get into fights with anybody often, though.