Saturday, 11 September 2010
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Newsflash, Bro: You're No Shakespeare.
Whether you're meeting at a bar, in a library, or at the freaking circus, there seems to always be an opportunity for a guy to use a cheesy line to try to pick up a girl. Although they are usually literally asking for sex (i.e. that ever classy invitation to the pants party), sometimes we find that rare man who truly believes that deep down in his soul lives a smooth-talking poet with so much game, he can turn any situation into a romantic moment.
I was once out at a college party playing wingwoman to a friend. Although I'm not single, I was humoring the buddy of my friend's love interest so she could have some alone time with him, just chatting about our hometowns and things like that.
And then, it happened.
He asked me if I played any sports in high school, and laughing, I responded, "Sort of, I was a cheerleader. A lot of people don't consider it a sport, but I loved it."
And a stupid glaze came over his eyes. And he inched toward me. What had I done?
"You know, I always thought cheerleading was a lot like love."
Oh, is that right, pinhead? Is baseball a lot like war? Moron. But I didn't say that. I had to see where this trainwreck was headed.
"It's a lot like love if you think about it, because there they are, the cheerleaders, beautiful, just happy to be there, win or lose, just doing whatever they can to overcome obstacles and succeed for their team... together. It's just... well, it's just as beautiful as love."
I was not drunk enough to be able to deal with this. Clearly, this ended in my faking sick so as not to embarrass my friend, and getting a cab home. How could anyone think in his right mind that a horrible comparison like that would leave any girl swooning?
Check out what the kids over at College Humor think on this subject:
Has something like this ever happened to you? What do you do when you're fed the worst line of the century?
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About the Author
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- From: KerrSull
- About Me: I'm a 24 year old serial monogamist who oddly thinks she knows everything while continuing to have tons of questions about that crazy little thing called love.
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Comments (11)
Shakespeare hates your emo poems.
LMAO I cried a tear of "I wish I were there"
Good story.
I think there was a time in my life when I thought about using one-liners because I thought that's what I was expected to do but each time I was about to I felt one big wall of awkward landing a body blow and kept my mouth shut. I did once actually in spite of the wall being there and decided, never again. I'm going to do a blog about this because I do have something to share, too long for a comment.
@chicken1672 - Probably so! probably so!
No guy has ever said lines to me..they have always been straightforward with me..saying if I wanted to go out with them..etc etc; I think lines are dying..
I don't think cheerleading is a sport. sports require strategic thinking to win the game. as cheesy as the line he gave was, I think he put some thought into it. I think practically anything can be spun into a metaphor if they have a knack for coming up with witty lines on the spot. baseball can be like war because there are two opposing teams out to reach victory. her love is like a porcupine. if you touch her the wrong way with lame lines, she'll stab you to death!
I think what he said was sweet. At least he tried goddammit! We give men so much shit for not being romantic enough and then when he turns around and does or says something romantic you think he's a stupid moron because he's not perfectly Shakespearean or like Nicholas Sparks! Hey women, why don't you make up your fucking mind already?!?!?!? It's a catch-22 for men and I feel for them. They are damned if they don't and damned if they try.
I would make up an excuse to leave. Even good romance makes my stomach turn.
However, I'm a Renaissance scholar- if he were to actually quote Shakespeare to me he might get somewhere.
Well, at least it made for an interesting story...? :)
If wearing a short skirt and and making gestures is a sport...than is prostitution a sport? Hmmm. Haha..the locales are different (i.e. a streetcorner and a high school gym.) but I feel it is much of the same thing.
ANYways..yeah. Pick-up lines are really lame. And most people don't know who Shakespeare freaking is anymore because they're too busy ttyling and brbing all up in here to even realize the beauty of his words, and his command of the English language. All we do is abbreviate crap now, he wrote POETRY. And beautiful things. And oh, yeah there was a guy once who tried to hit on me. It was really retarded. He couldn't even do it right. He was saying, "See that star way up there in the sky, baby? That's you, shining bright. Well, actually, not that star, the one next to it, because the one I pointed to was kind of dim..."
So, what, I'm stupid now? Thanks.
Anyone just out for a lay is automatically either or both of a mental or emotional midget. On the other hand though, anyone who's neither has a good chance of being mentally stunned in the presence of someone (s)he would like to date.
@Lydia_Lynne@xanga - Agreeeeed! :D