Friday, 10 September 2010
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My Biggest Regret: Letting The Nice Guy Go
I can't stop thinking about the nice guy, that I threw away. Bad boys used to capture my attention with their mischievous smirks and nonchalant attitudes. The nice ones were the security blankets and ego-boosters that looked good on paper. They were sweet, kind, thoughtful—and so incredibly boring. I mean, the fun is in the chase, right?! NO. I told myself that I would never say this and in typical epiphany-fashion, it snuck up on me, but now I'm just going to admit it—nice guys really don't exactly finish last.
They have strong staying power long after any hot, initial romance has sizzled and fizzled. He's the first one that pops into my head after getting my feelings mangled by yet another jerk. He's the kind of man that I dream about marrying one day. He's the big one that got away. And that's the thing: he never wanted to leave. I sent him packing. Shame on me.
Trust me ladies. If you have a nice, confident man by your side, hold on to him! If I had a million dollars, I can bet it all on the fact that they get better and better with time. A truly nice man will always be kind. And a jerk will always be jerk, no matter how hard he tries. It's called disposition. A jerk can pretend to be nice and do a very good job at that. But watch, when push comes to shove, his true colors will begin to bloom. Can't really fake the funk if you know what I mean.
All that time spent on trying to change a jerk is much better reserved toward learning to appreciate a kind man. I will never take a nice guy for granted again.
Have you ever regretted letting a nice one go? Has anyone successfully got back together after ditching a nice guy?
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- From: serendipidish@xanga
- About Me: I don't believe in rules. Exceptions rule!
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Comments (56)
I've never encountered a nice guy.
awwww, it gives me some hope. thanks for sharing!
Urg, Im about to lose my nice guy over something really stupid. If he does get away, I will def. regret it.
never encountered anyone not worth throwing away.
well, technically, I never left the nice guy.. but I did take him SO MUCH for granted, and he was the one who ended up leaving me :/
I'm an idiotI can honestly say I used to be a nice guy and this used to hold weight. But according to this stereotype, girls should be careful. A common colloquialism around my parts is "A good deal of jerks used to be former nice guys."
Sometimes they hold up to pressure. And sometimes like me, they break.
It's called an ex for a reason... No, I don't regret letting the "nice guy" leave. I'm glad he did, I moved on to better things.
Remiblanc0 is very right, even when it comes to the "nice girl". I've been a nice girl all of my life, and consequently I've never had a boyfriend. No man in my life so far has wanted to keep me, which is slowly turning me into a jerk, I think. Truth be told, I don't want to be the nice girl anymore. We may have "staying power" in our former ex 's mind, but that's not the same thing as him or her taking action and bringing the nice girl/guy back into their life. That rarely happens.
I had a nice guy and let him go. I regret it sooo much!! But we are amazingly close and great friends and he is always there when I need it. I like the way things are between the two of us now. It's true nice guys do exist!!!
My boyfriend is a "nice guy" and could easily be taken advantage of because of his forgiving, kind, loving nature. However, I refuse to be like his ex girlfriend who took him for granted, didn't appreciate him at all, and broke up with him repeatedly, knowing his big heart would forgive her for treating him badly and cheating on him. He stands up for himself when it's necessary, holds strong to his values and morals, is intelligent, and is quite handsome. He has gained a lot of confidence since we've been together the past year and a half, and no matter what comes his way or how stressed he is, he has such a gentle and kind personality.
He's close to his family, very respectful, honest, and trustworthy. It's like the guy I've always wanted to find, except way better. I love this boy, and everything about him. Love doesn't treat someone terribly, whether it'd be easy to or not, or when things get boring once in a while. I appreciate him, compliment his efforts, and am always looking for different ways to express my love and how much I am happy to have him in my life. I'll NEVER let this nice guy go. We plan to get married, and I have no doubts in my mind about it. :)
Nice guys are often losers because they are not competitive and will back down to avoid conflict and women don't like being with losers who let people take advantage of them. Also nice guys give women too much power in relationships.
From my own experience, women hate and suck at leading/making decisions and like it when a man takes charge. Doubt most will admit it but they don't like it when nice guys do whatever or go wherever they want to make them happy. There is more excitement when the man takes charge and surprises the woman by taking her to unfamiliar places.
The bad boy vs. nice guy distinction needs to die, or at least be made into a scale (of many dimensions), not just a black and white decision. Bad boys are more attractive because they tend to be confident and know how to reel you in and let you go. It's purely a matter of psychology, not good-vs-bad alignment. Nice guys fail 'cause they often throw themselves at the girl's feet no matter what, and tend to be fluffy dudes. That being said, it is possible to be a "nice guy" (i.e., be nice and not jerky), but still have confidence and know how to modulate one's presence around girls. I guess you'd call that a normal guy/dude/whatever.
I am currently with a nice guy, though I do wish he would take charge in planning our times together. I appreciate him wanting to participate in the same things I am in, but I would appreciate him making decisions more, we discuss, and then compromise.
I've met nice guys, but they always were looking for a different type of girl.
yes, I sent a great guy packing...I always had this bad feeling that he was too good to be true. My older co-worker even said that he creeped her out...I don't know why.
He was a decent person though and I found that out because of the next girl he dated. They dated for a while, got married and had a kid. He works hard and comes home everday happy to be with his family. He's been the same great guy the whole time. Plus, he was a pushover only to a point and then he'd fight back. I liked that.
Oh well, I guess if I couldn't recognise him for what he was, I didn't deserve to be with him anyway.
I'm happy now anyway and found a guy who I love. Just because one got away doesn't mean there isn't another one.
I read a lot posts on nice guys vs. bad boys and it gets really old...but I actually like this one and it's kind of refreshing for some reasons. I think maybe because it has a appreciative tone or the reflectiveness of after the fact? Either way, I hope you can rekindle this lost relationship you had. Good Luck!
@Nominatim@xanga - Can't you be a good guy and not be a pushover? Maybe there's a difference between a good guy and a nice guy...idk
there's a new genre of guys you ladies are completely missing...the nice bad boy
nice bad boy = my current boyfriend. its wonderful and shitty.
i had a super nice guy and i couldnt do it. when you spoil a girl 24.7 they become lazy bitchs who take things for granted!
my new theory, dont even remember where i found this.. : the good man has a backbone, knows what he wants out of life, is both nice and naughty, and is capable of treating you with
the respect you deserve. Not all of them are exactly romantic or like the Stepford husband, but a good man does his part in love and in life to keep you satisfied. Basically, the good man is a little more well-adjusted.
thanks everyone for your comments :)
@opheliatohamlet@xanga - I fully intend to put my foot where my mouth is and take action to reclaim what I lost, but I fear that the circle of trust might be irrevocably broken. But hey, you gotta give it at least one good push!
@Nominatim@xanga - Woah. There are just so many stereotypes there that I don't even know where to begin! I'm glad you pepper your words with "often" and "most" and "my own experience" =)
@oMeGaXmK2@xanga - I agree that the bad vs good distinction should die. Because it's an arbitrary label for a subjective grouping of personality traits. But I still believe there's a strong distinction between nice and jerk. True, perhaps a lot of jerks used to be nice, but if they are a jerk now, then that's what they are.
I never thought a girl would actually find some value in a nice guy, especially back in high school. They're the ones who usually get stepped on a lot-which happened to me when I fell for this girl and did all this stuff for her with NOTHING in return. I've changed a lot since then and ended up evolving into a gentleman.
@Nominatim@xanga - I agree with the first part of your statement. Nice guys back off because they don't want conflict and I think that's why girls don't like nice guys. SUre they may like the personality, but the fact that the nice guy doesn't fight for her probably doesn't seem like a good impression. I think it's more the incompetence, as you said, that girls don't go for, not the nice guy personality.
I'm with a "nice guy" right now. He's my favorite.
i dated an amazing way too nice-guy in high school. he did everything for me and put me first, but it was just too much. i wanted a life for myself too, and didn't want to worry about hurting his feelings all the time. i let him go, and for a long time i regretted it. i still miss him, in a friendship kind of way. then i dated a real asshole who had that annoying power over me. when i finally got out of that relationship, i met the perfect guy. of course he is nice to me and loves me unconditionally, but he has his own life too, and he challenges me when i need it. that's why i married him, and that's something i don't regret at all.
@opheliatohamlet@xanga - Agreed. I think nice girls and nice guys eventually break and it sucks. And its' true like omegamk2 or whatnot says...its not a clear dichotomy. As a nice guy I was very walked all over, and being more of a jerk you become more here let's do this. I think every guy like that has had a girl say "You're such a jerk/asshole!", give a deft playful smack, and then proceed to follow suit with said plan. Oh well.