I’ve got this guy friend who has a giant crush on me (clearly he hasn't seen me eat a whole large pizza in one sitting). It’s flattering, and he’s a wonderful guy, and I wish I were attracted to him. Sadly, I’m just not, so I do my best not to lead him on while also keeping our friendship alive.
Last night, he sent me a fairly innocuous text:
Him: Sally, could you come here for a second? I walked over to him.
Me: did you seriously just text me? You could SEE me.Him: You were far…Me: What’s up?He looked at me, blinked, put his hand on my shoulder, and said, “Never mind. Some other time.”
I did the shifty eyes, shrugged, and walked away. And like I was in Bill Murray's epic movie Groundhog Day, the same thing happened over and over until I got fed up took him into a hallway where we could be alone.
Me: Dude, seriously, what’s up? Just talk to me about it. He looked at me, blinked, put his hand on my shoulder. I started to genuinely suspect that I had somehow become Bill Murray. Then, the time continuum hiccuped and he did something completely unexpected (or maybe I should have expected it...) and started to lean in for an alcohol-fueled kiss. Alarmed and saddened (because I hate having to deny people), I pressed my hand against his chest and said, “I’m not attracted to you.”
He apologized immediately, embarrassed. I felt terrible for having to have been so blunt, but knew I had done the right thing. I forgot about the awkward moment until he sent me the most ridiculous, six page-long drunk text known to man:
(I can’t make this shit up)
Him: Hey, good night. I’m sorry for being stupid and drunk. I think you’re being drumb I hate it when people call me "drumb."
however you’ve given me many opportunities to sweep you off you’re feet. I can't judge drunk him for using bad grammar...
Sex, well you have No Idea how good it would have been. Dear God…
I’m sorry though mostly for being juveninile. Sorry can’t spell right now not think compektely. E good. And hope tsarI really enjoy that the word “tsar” somehow snuck its way in there.
I can still have the change to hook you ob true blood or teach you to wreck all ye ohrt guys at Starcraft 2 yada yada. He would spell “True Blood” and “Starcraft 2” impeccably.
Anyways I’m sorry for cohetrntly. Anyway Im now really sort about tonight. It’s like he can’t stop texting! It’s like this is his stream of consciousness and he JUST CAN’T DELETE WHAT HE HAS WRITTEN even though he INSTANTLY REGRETS IT.
However goodthing since you’ve Bern cleR about how you feel or don’t feel from the get go I’m quit for bein stupid. Nice guys finish last. Lol night.Can I just talk about how much I hate it when people write terrible things and then try to make them seem like a joke by adding “lol?” You’re not fooling anyone.
Later! Been stupid. Night. Aga. Ah, that traditional parting phrase, “aga."
It was too hilarious. In fact, it was such a ridiculous text message that I just couldn’t reply. When he apologized to me about it this morning (I'm sure he woke up with the worst "oh shit" feeling), I pretended that I hadn’t gotten it to save him some embarrassment. I feel terrible for having made him feel so much pain, and I wish I could change it but I can’t. As much as I'm making fun of him right now, because my friends and I communicate pretty much exclusively in playful insults, I would never do so in a serious manner. Plus, I can’t specifically fault him for sending a silly drunk text—we’ve all been there.
Do any of you have interesting drunk text stories?
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Comments (76)
I once text my mum saying "shame I didn't get to show you EXACTLY what I can do to your cock, meeting up later?" when I was really drunk off of a friends phone, meaning it to be for a guy the girl had drunkenly fumbled about with the night before.
My mum still thinks she's a weirdo!
omg hahahahahah <3
I love this so much.
I tend to send drunk pics of myself...
that is super funny
Don't drink, don't have any.
I don't have any. My friend used to get drunk a lot, and once I asked him how much he drank and all he sent was "........." and I asked what? and he said "count the dots" or something. -shakes head-
I send embarrassing drunk texts far too often...
no. i always send the stupid texts sober. /facepalm.
I can't stand it when people can't differentiate between your and you're
if he still makes that mistake when he is sober, I'm gonna punch him
My best friend and I send a lot of embarassing drunk French texts, his is far worse than mine. I am relieved no one around here can read them, hell I can hardly read them.
I don't drink, so luckily I don't have to worry about sending drunk texts. =P
No drunk texts from me! But once I girl kept drunk texting me. She was 100% positive I was her boyfriend..
haha aww that's sad/funny. I used to have two guy friends who would always drunk text me to hook up with them that night even though they both clearly knew I was in a relationship. It got a little ridiculous after awhile. I don't drink often, but the last time I got drunk at the very beginning of summer I made the mistake of drunkenly texting them both. After the texts were sent, they were innocent 'hellos' and admitting to being drunk since they both knew I didn't drink often, I promptly got enough sense to turn off my phone. In the morning I apologized for the texts. I also managed to text my sister for the majority of that same night. I told her I was going to McDonalds instead of Del Taco, which is usually my choice of drunk munchies, and when she asked why I told her it was due to the fact that Del Taco was the cause of the holocaust because they didn't have chicken nuggets. At least I know why I don't drink :)
I don't drink..so therefore I don't have any stories to share..lol
Haha, this is awesome. I've sent a few drunk texts, nothing embarrassing in them other than the horrid spelling or typos. My friend called me a lush for a year after that.
i sent a drunk text to my guy friend who i like but he was unaware of it, til one night i text him- you know i love you right? and- try not to be so much of a whore. and- i wish you were older. (hes 5 years younger than me). i've never been so embarrassed in my life! he's also my coworker and i couldn't even look him in the eye the next day.
Hahahahahahhah, poor guy..yeah, I've never drunk texted really, but I did leave my friend a voicemail.
I drunk text people to tell them how much I love them. people drunk text/dial me all the time and i think it's hilarious.
i send drunk texts all the time! they are usually about how i think they're super cute and how i want to make out with them & do other things with them... nice. -__-
HAHA LOVEIT
I'm not a big drinker, now and then I'll have a couple drinks. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is very easy to gauge.
When he's slightly tipsy he sends "I looove you" texts, and when he's totally plastered and gone, he sends gratuitous sexual texts.
hahhahahaha omg i always send out drunk texts. no matter how trashed i am i will find my phone to start texting... and its usually for booty calls.
hahahha.drunks.
my guy friend drunk texted me the other night asking for me to see a pic of my boobs... i just quit responding haha.