For a short sweet back story,
in high school I was dating my ideal guy but some reason it was the wrong place and the wrong time. I admit I choked and I broke up with him. He didn't want to talk to me anymore, and I told him I understood and respected his decision. I understood if he hated me, hell I hated myself and still do.
He basically moved into the college next door. I found out through his friend who I am still Facebook friends with. I was nervous about seeing him, because I didn't really deal with my feelings towards him. It was easy when he lived on the other side of the US.
Well, he messaged me at the start of the school year apologizing for ignoring me all those years but asking to renew a friendship. I heartily agreed, mostly all we did was catch up over Facebook our senior year at high school and first year of college.
We never really planned to hang out, mostly we just had a conversation over face book messaging system talking about my dad getting married and his sister having a baby. Mundane, not flirtatious, catching up.
Then randomly:
i can't be friends with youfor the sake of my relationshipi hope u can understandi'm sorry I do understand, I don't want to sabotage his relationship in any way. I never leave wall post or comment his photos. The only comment I made was his and his friend were having a creationist versus big bang philosophical argument. So I put in my own argument and questions. Nothing flirtatious just a scientific combined with philosophical argument over the impracticality of human nature.
So I replied to his message (that's when I noticed he deleted me as friends on Facebook):
Sure I understand. FYI most of my social life is at your college, just heads up.. Um... I noticed you deleted me. I promise no comments or messages (unless you message me first), but can we at least be Facebook acquaintances.He said basically replied no. I mean, seriously? It's just Facebook.
What do you think? And could someone please explain why this is such a big deal?
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Comments (65)
It's not rocket science. Do you want your boyfriend's ex still in the picture? It will feel like a threat. I let my boyfriend's ex stay in the picture and he cheated on me with her multiple times. Now it's a rule that I can't be with someone unless their ex is FRIENDS with me, or out of the picture. I have to trust both my boyfriend and the people he's hanging out with.
If his girlfriend doesn't want his exes hanging around because it makes her feel uncomfortable, maybe she's been through shit in the past, you have to respect that. Besides, there are plenty of other fish in the sea, you can leave that one with his mate.
Facebook seems to be used a a definition for the relationship...if there is nothing there, than why keep FB tabs on him?
But like you said, its just Facebook.
@haloed@xanga - totally agree.
I don't really mind exes in the picture, unless they're making out or having a "sleepover". Seriously, if you can't trust your boyfriend around his exes what does that say about you relationship... That means secretly you think hes going to cheat and why are you dating a guy who you think capable of cheating.
Second comment: I wasn't clear on the tabs, mostly I cared because I encouraged him to apply for a scholarship to a prestigious school that he wanted (He wouldn't be able to go there otherwise). He was in the process of making that risk when he broke up, and I just wanted to make sure he got his dream. I care, not like in a omg I am going to jump you on the bed, more of Yay your happy and your going to That awesome college.
-the writer
P.s. if his girlfriend wanted to contact me or meet me. I would have been totally cool. That I completely understand, she just told Jose not to talk to me at all without even meeting me. (I am also seeing someone else too)
I
Each person is different. Maybe he told his new girlfriend about you and she saw you on his facebook and was offended. I don't mind that my boyfriend is friends with his ex's, but if he was friends with this one particular ex I would probably get mad and yell at him just because I know the history between them. Like, for instance, when him and I broke up for a little while he dated her again. I know she wasn't the reason for our break up, but I correlate her with our break up without meaning to. I'm sure there's a reason behind his decision. It's not really up to anyone if he should talk to you or not. He has his reasons. Maybe after him and his girlfriend break up he'll talk to you again, but in the meantime you're probably just going to have to forget about talking to him.
You should respect this and leave this alone..let it go. Don't talk to him at all..I agree with a lot of the comments above me.
My ex pretty much told me she had to choose between me or her new guy. Doesn't help that she was my best friend for years prior aswell.
Didn't work out in the end and she came crawling back to me.
But I personally don't see the problem. My current SO is still good friends with her last ex, I know him fairly well.. which I suppose helps. I'm also still on good terms with my ex.
The problem is these situations typically aren't innocent so most girlfriends are already on guard about it. Better to avoid a situation then have to tell the girl off later.
It's very situational. I definitely don't want my boyfriend's ex in the picture. It's her right as his girlfriend and he owes her the respect, not you. Sad truth. "Why can't we all just be friends?" is a saying for a reason. It's never that simple.
Just move on. Get over it.
Someone needs to move on.
it might be a lot harder for him to make a clean break if he sees your notifications everyone five seconds (facebook is awesome at making us all stalkers). sure, you might not be talking, but he'd see what you were up to and it would possibly mess with his head. out of sight, out of mind.
i honestly don't think his new girlfriend told him to stop being friends. i feel it was his own, mature decision. he probably was afraid he might develop feelings back for you but really cared about his current girlfriend so would rather not get into a big mess of things. he didn't want to be emotionally torn between his current and his old love interests.
maybe later on things will change and both your feelings will be in a good place with each other. maybe things will work out romantically, but i'm a firm believer of being 100% over someone again before you can re-start the relationship.
so i think the only thing you can do is respect his decision. he's not doing anything wrong and you should respect him for it.
ya... you should probably leave that guy alone and respect his and his partner's decision. I've been through that situation before on both sides... so I would say to just move on..
since you obviously still have feelings for him, it's probably best you sever all ties.
After they break up, he'll talk to you again. His girlfriend is probably just insecure with it. If she's super insecure, the relationship won't last long anyway. It'll drive him crazy.
Some ex girlfriends don't know where to draw the line in the relationship they dont have anymore.
It's not okay to send my, now husband, naked pictures of yourself. You're the ex girlfriend. Not the person I am to him. That's not okay, stop creeping on him and trying to fuck up our relationship. I of course after incidents of pictures and sexting asked him to stop talking to her and all the other girls from his old high school he gets pictures from. That's not okay.
sorry my rant is over -_- i hate ex girlfriends.
If it's "just" Facebook then it shouldn't matter to you or not if you've been deleted. He made his decision, so try to accept it and move on. There are many, many people that you can become Facebook acquaintance with and not just him.. unless you want to be nosy and see what's going on in his life. Maybe his girlfriend does trust him but yet, she's not comfortable with him communicating with you --- > those are two very different, imo. But his decision is loud and clear. He chose his gf over his friendship with you.
It reminds me of one of my friends. Recently I asked why she deleted me off of Facebook. At first I thought maybe she didn't wanna remember her friends back home in her new life, but I was wrong. Turns out that her current boyfriend didn't think it was appropriate that she was still friends with a family member of someone she was with. Which ends up to be something so fucking stupid because like.. my brother and her Never dated, they just "talked" or whatever you wanna say it is. I think that's dumb, but that's just myself.
@roflicopterxD@xanga - i understand what u r saying. naked picture or not, it's just not ok~
Other than Exes, I also hate crushes.. it's like.. hello? move on, he's taken.. stop writing love letters like u r in the 3rd grade.
read my latest blog here, <3<3<3
oh well. better move on. & don't even stress over it.
@Fairywife@xanga - Brilliantly stated. A better version of what I was trying to say.
@hitomineko@xanga - i hate crushes thing too. we're all adults now or well i mean not in elementry school. People need to learn when to grow up and learn there new places in life since graduation.
lol facebook is serious business
I don't get why people are so distrustful of exes just because of a few bad ones.
Personally, if you're obviously just acquaintances, then she shouldn't have a problem with it. She should at least meet you first if she's really worried. But from what you put, it sounds like you're just interested in being friends with him (really people, wanting to keep in touch means you still want to be more than friends? feelings are fine if you don't act on them and can control them and not everyone would still have those feelings) and you're not even really becoming that much of an influence on your life. She should just let it go and trust both him and you.
If you were to become an issue than what would that say about him? If you trust your boyfriend, then you should also trust his judgment in his exes. It is possible to just be friends even after having a strong relationship.