I’ve kept my dating life to a pretty small rolodex of suitors. I mean, I’ve gone out to dinner with quite a few young men, but most of the time it ended with one dinner – maybe two, if they were so lucky (College is expensive, sometimes you have to go on two dates with a guy because you’re just that hungry). But as for actually being with one person, and remaining that way for longer than a month, I’ve kept the list pretty short.
It always seems to me, when in these relationships, once I hit the 6 month mark, I’m waiting for the “I love you” conversation to hit. I’m dreading it, and avoiding it, but somewhere, in the deep, dark, very confused and rambling recesses of my mind, I’m anticipating it. I imagine those spots of my mind to look somewhat like the cave (which was actually a mouth, his own mouth at that!) that Arthur Dent finally meets Agrajag in. I also imagine Agrajag is definitely there. (I apologize to non-readers of H2G2) It’s the only thing that describes the little moments of psychosis about something so small as three words. Or… maybe it’s more like a Sarlacc pit… we’ll never know.
But nonetheless, other than actually getting in the relationship, and possibly getting engaged, and all the bells and whistles associated with that and the actual marriage – it’s one of the biggest milestones that two people experience together. And it is not to be taken lightly.
My boyfriend had never said it to anyone. He even told me he was “emotionally retarded” and “incapable of love.” So, when he said those three little words (on the 21 of August, because I’m OCD about dates), I was a wee bit shocked. Mainly because, before, he was acting as if he was a creature bred just for comic book reading, and video game playing skills, (ultra-efficient comic book reading and video game playing skills of course) and love was not a part of his algorithm. But I guess the right girl can rewrite even the biggest Star Trek’s fan algorithm any day.
I had said "I love you" before, but it was the naivety of being a teenage girl, and thinking that I could actually grasp something so huge, when I could barely grasp exactly what chapters I had to read for my biology class, and working it around the next Doctor Who episode. So this was a pretty big deal to me, as well, because I actually felt that I understood it more this time around, and definitely reciprocated the feeling. Especially after having my heart broken the first time around a year and a half ago. (I do believe that to know love, you also have to know heartache. Such as having to know sadness to know happiness.)
How do you feel about those 'three little words'? Did you say it in the past, only to look back now and realize you didn't feel that way at all? How long do you usually wait until you feel comfortable expressing that in a relationship?
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3 men have heard me say those 3 words. 1 was my first boyfriend and daughter's father. Not sure if that was love so much as codependency at its finest. 2 was a boy I was trying to seduce to take his v card. I lied. I'm a horrible person. 3 is my current boyfriend who I truly love. He's amazing.
It took me months to say it to my current boyfriend.
I've said it before not really understanding what real love is. It's a lot more about choice than feelings though and most people don't understand that. Real love is kind, gentle, forgiving, patient...some things that are not easy to be when your man does something buffoonish or thoughtless.
I've come pretty close to telling a girl back in HS the 3 words-that is until she went back to her ex boyfriend and left me in the dust
I've said to two guys. One was the first guy I dated when I was 14 and he was 16, almost 17. It turns out he was pretty much just using me to screw around (not have sex) and I know that comes as a shock :p. Then, the second guy was my current boyfriend. I was 17, almost 18, and he was 19. I remember the moment perfectly and it still makes me giddy when I think about it. We said it within 3 months of really knowing each other and we said it within 3 days of actually meeting each other. We met online. Anyway, after a short break up, we've been dating for a year and 8 months (Well, officially 8 tomorrow) and I'm hoping he's the last guy I say it to. :)
I've only been told those 3 little words twice and one is from my bf now. Those words aren't to be taken lightly...
I've been with my current boyfriend for a little over a year.. and I
still haven't said it. Maybe I'm emotionally retarded too but like you
said, it's a huge milestone and I'm just worried that I don't understand
love enough to say it. But let's face it, no one really understands
love. :]
I'm 22 years old and officially I've only said the three words to one guy, my first boyfriend. It was weird because he started saying it at the beginning of our relationship and it really scared me. I'm a horrible person too because I only said those three words when I wanted something but I already knew the relationship would never go anywhere. Sorry ex boyfriend.
@indep3ndance@xanga - Very true. And I'm glad that I took my time.
It's something you really want to make sure you mean when you say it, it's so special.
i throw out love like candy at a parade.
to exchange it, in a serious matter, with the man i'm actually in love with, however, would be a whole new planet. i mean, i've been there before, but not for quite some time. it would actually mean something again.
Hitchhikers and Star Wars references FTW.
I don't say it unless I mean it and I don't fake it. It's wrong to lie to someone about that.
I liked a girl for three and a half years through the latter half of middle school and a great deal of high school (we dated on and off, more off than on) and was convinced that I loved her. Looking back, it was only the whole "first crush" thing that I couldn't let go of. That and she flirted with me a lot, even when she was with other guys.
I then dated a girl my senior year of high school, and I can honestly say that I loved her. College split us apart, among other things, but she made me feel unconditionally loved, and I loved her too. I don't regret telling her that.
It all comes down to taking your time and making sure you mean something before you say it, and aren't saying it in order to get some type of "reward," whether it be to get into his/her pants or even just because you think it will make the other person really happy. You have to say it because you feel it.
John
@Vintagesque@xanga - :)
@The_Aftershock_3650@xanga - I definitely agree. Looking back, I wish I wouldn't have been that naive teenager, but I was, and it was a mistake I learned from. Now I know that it's something I won't say unless I do, indeed, feel it.
Ahhh, I've never said it before and truly meant it from the bottom of my heart. Actually, I have never said it to anyone I had feelings for physically and emotionally. Only friends and family. I am like you though. I somewhat dread those words, I haven't even hit the one month mark in a relationship. I am a major commitment-phobic. I have trouble realizing the difference between lust and love, but even being confused by that, I never say it.
I've said this to three guys, unfortunately... The last one being the only one I now feel I actually meant it to. The first was just really the first guy I ever had a relationship with. The second I just said it out of pressure (terrible, I know). But, the last one, I meant it. And I only said it after being with him about a month. Everything moved pretty quickly with us, including those 3 words. They came quickly, but they pierced deeply into the heart. On both ends. Doesn't matter how long it takes you to say it, as long as you mean it. :)
not all teenage love is dumb. i'm 16 and ive been with my boyfriend for almost 5 months. yeah that doesnt seem like a long time, but its long enough to know that i really do love him and i know that he loves me. i can see myself with him for a long time and hes my best friend. and i know that odds are we wont last forever but right now its more than enough <3
i have said i love you to one other guy, but he was messing with my head. also, when i said it he ran away. and i realize now that i knew nothing about him and that he was all wrong for me. i wasted alot of time on him and he made me feel vulnerable about love. i was so scared when my current boyfriend said it first. but now i really believe him. <3
sorry if this is all over the place. i'm quite scatterbrained.
It was super awkward when my boyfriend told me and I just patted him on the head.
I've said those 3 little words to 3 guys. The first was my first true love... he used me, lied to me and then left me. The second, sex kinda made things confusing and it went terribly wrong. And the third, my current boyfriend and best friend. We never really had to say it out loud.. it was an understanding at firstm we'd be laying in bed and just the look we gave and the feeling that we shared... it was undeniable. We had been dating for about 7 months when he finally said it. it was a morning i had stayed the night with him, i got up to change out of my pajamas and before my shirt hit the floor, he was behind me with his arms around my waist. He kissed my shoulder and pulled my hair back, kissed my cheek and whispered i love you. :)) It still makes me blush to think about that day.
My boyfriend and I were best friends before we started dating. I knew us dating was inevitable when I realized my text inbox was 99% messages from him haha.
Then one day he texted me and said, "I'm in love with you." and I knew at that moment that I was in love with him as well. We started dating that day and things have been amazing since. I don't doubt him one bit.
I have said I love you to one guy out of the three that I have dated. I was a senior in high school when I first heard it (other than family). We dated for 3 years on and off. He was the first one to say I love you. At first, I was a bit skeptical because he was not the type of guy who would say that. He kept his emotions hidden all of the time. Several months after we broke up he told me that he loved me. But after spending so much time with him (about 6 months), I said I love you, and I meant it. I was a freshman in college; still a little bit young to be in love I think.
He is my best friend, was my first boyfriend, my first true love, and my first sexual partner.
But to this day, 3 years later, I still love him. I think about him every day. So I know that I meant it.
It's hard establishing a time period of when it is okay to say the dreaded three words. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, you just want to say it. But in the back of your mind you go "is it okay to really say this now?" It's complicated, and complex. And each situation is different. So you never know. In my case, I usually try to hold off as long as possible until I know deep down that it is true.
Yep... the first time was definitely rather scary and awkward... like a huge step to take..
But I meant it (and still do) so I reciprocated the words. ^^;
well, i've said it to three people, heard it back from two.
i hate when people say that they expressed love in the past and, looking back, it wasn't love at all. this begs the question, what is love, anyway? every time i said i loved someone, i meant something different. but every time i said it, i meant it with all my heart.
love is always different. sometimes it's like a cruise on the highway, sometimes it's like off-roading, sometimes like a sailboat (at least, that's how it's been for me. i know that sounds weird.) but anyway, that doesn't make any of these different types of love less real, or less sincere.
and i usually feel it very soon (in the first month or two) and expect to express it and hear it back around month three. i know that's fast. it's just how i rollPS i'm almost 26- been around the block a few times. fall in love faster every time
I have told 3 guys i have loved them.
first one was because i was 13 and naive, but we did date for year and half.
2nd one i said becuase i was stupid, but i grew to love him, though the question if i was inlove or not has always pondered me. We went through A LOT of things. I dated him for 2 years.
The third one, was like a 6 month guy that i was just crazy lusting over, again, being naive.
The only real love i think i've felt was with the 2nd guy.