This morning, I was eating a bowl of Raisin Bran with particular ferocity. Milk was everywhere, raisins were being flung into corners (so that ants could later use them as bean bag chairs) and little bits of bran ground themselves into our sofa. Oddly, none of these things offended my roommate, who was sitting next to me (and, amazingly, avoiding the cereal hurricane). That is... until I
dragged my teeth along my spoon. Cartoon steam came out of her ears.
“I HATE it when people do that! That’s why I broke up with David, you know.”
"You… you broke up with David because he dragged his teeth on his silverware?" I asked incredulously.
She nodded.
I sat there in awe, raisin hanging limply from my lower lip, as I pondered: did all of my girlfriends have stories like this one?
They did. Which brings us to…
The Top Ten Most Irrational Dealbreakers: 1)
“He has gross eating habits.” How about you ask him very kindly to stop eating like that kid from A Christmas Story, and he’ll probably do it.
2)
“He has bad grammar.” Okay, I’ll be the first to admit: this is my most irrational dealbreaker. If a guy sends me a letter that says “Your beautiful,” it will take me all the strength in my body not to reply, “My beautiful what?” I really need to get over it, because honestly, there are way more important personal attributes than “the ability to spell ‘perspicacity.’”
3)
“He wears socks with sandals.” If he looks like your great Uncle Milton, just tell him. Either he’ll be embarrassed and cease dressing like a Russian tourist, or he’ll assert his right to wear what he feels is ‘avant garde’ footwear, and you can take pride in your utterly hipster boyfriend.
4)
“He wouldn’t share food at restaurants.” It’s his food. Get your own food.
5)
“His name was… Ronald.” Seriously, Nicole? You broke up with Ronald because of his name? It’s not his fault that there was a fast food franchise clown with the same one. Give him a sweet nickname, or just nut up and look past it!
6)
“I mean… he listened to… Dave Matthew’s Band…” There’s no way that you can break up with a guy based on differing music taste. We all have shameful sections of our iTunes. Don’t ever make him feel guilty for having the complete Steve Miller Band discography. Or if you do, at least let him give you shit for your B*Witched cd.
7)
“He wears Stupid T-Shirts.” Okay, so these piss me off a little too. Black shirts printed with bold Helvetica that say shit like, “THE VOICES IN MY HEAD TELL ME I’M SANE” should just not exist. Dude, spend $40 on something more useful like food for your Hermit crab. But, I’m apparently judgmental. Really, T-shirts like that shouldn’t be a big deal. They’re an annoyance, sure, but they’re certainly not grounds for relationships dismissal.
8)
“He plays Farmville.” Apparently my friend got one too many newsfeed updates that read something like “Jack just found some Cornish Mystery Eggs and just wants to say thank you!” Dude, just block your boyfriend from your newsfeed and let him have his fun.
9)
“He has… acne.” It goes away. Give him a few years, and don’t make a big deal out of it. Remember when you were a gross teen girl? Guys just bloom a little later.
10)
“He works at… Home Depot.” Please, don’t give him shit for his job. It’s one thing if he’s 35 and his life’s aspiration is to be a manager at Spencer’s Gifts, but if he’s 20 and lifting boxes all day, just give him time!
Would any of you guys break up with someone for any of these reasons? Or have you ever ended a relationship for something even sillier?
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Comments (88)
I'm not that frivolous, really. I've never ended a relationship on those things...because they never mattered to me. Though, I have known friends of mine to do that...it's not a good thing..
#2, I do condone
I really dont like guys with bad grammar. I'm not talking about not being able to spell Mississippi. (did i spell that right? lol) I'm talking about like... when they sound like an elementary school student.
Poor eating habits bother me tremendously. So does awful grammar. That right there is enough to cause a miscommunication in a relationship. So that miscommunication could lea to more, and eventually a break-up.
this guy was interested in me and we happened to have the same last name, which just creeped me out, because he could be a long lost cousin and that thought completely turned me off. I never dated him so there was no shallow breakup. I just avoided the situation altogether
hmmm some people are either too picky, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, no one should have to settle for someone or something they don't like. other people, like myself in the past, look for the smallest errors or flaws in people so they have a reason to break up with them, so they don't get hurt...I broke up with someone because he drooled on my pillow...pretty stupid, but at the time I was still afraid of getting hurt so I'd end a relationship before it got too serious. A lot of those things up there wouldn't bother me, a guy can't help the name his parents gave him. Grammar is a big thing for me too, but not to the point I'd make it a deal breaker
3 - That would be a deal breaker for me too hehe.
And dave mathews band is pretty.
I think 1, 2, and 7 could pass as being semi-legitimate reasons to break up if you've honestly tried to talk to your SO about it, but they just haven't even tried to see it from your point of view.
Everything else seems dumb though, but I know it's all subjective so let me just say that first before I get flamed for being a jerk or something.
wow, what happened to real deal-breakers like "cheated on me" or "beat the shit out of me"? or maybe even "selfish", "no sense of humor", "overly-immature", "horrible temper" or "alcoholic tendencies"? most of these seem more like excuses to break up with someone, rather than legitimate deal-breakers, if you ask me. i've been in two "relationships" other than my current guy, who i've been with for almost four years now, and i nitpicked both of them. too short. i don't go for blondes. too chubby. bad sneakers. you name it, i nitpicked it. but the reason i did, was because i never really liked either of them much. these "relationships" were very short-lived, needless to say.
my current guy has things i COULD nitpick over. he wears polo shirts way too often, and i loathe polo shirts. he fidgets. he goes into monosyllabic man mood when football is on and i make the mistake of trying to talk during a good play. but, well, i tend to find all these little nitpicky flaws amusing at worst and endearing at best, because at the end of the day, i'm very into him. i think if you're using stupid reasons like the ones in this post to break up with someone, you must not want the person that much to begin with.
number 2 is a definite.
It's not even the fact that his grammar is bad, it's the fact that he doesn't try to improve his grammar, meaning he doesn't realize how bad it is.
How about his pants hung below his butt crack showing off his derrierre? Haven't ended our excursions together not quite dates just outings (--it's complicated) but it bugs me.
Bad grammar, bad eating habits and poor fashion choices aren't deal breakers, but they are possibly indications of poor social skills or poor intelligence, and both of those are definitely deal breakers for me.
#1 and the spoon thing are totally legit in my book because I have a HUGE problem with those things. Like I avoid eating with my family sometimes because of it. Yes, I'm a psycho.
This was really funny and well written. I think the grammar thing really is a dealbreaker for me though.
I don't think that number two is irrational.
my SO corrects my grammar almost daily. I try to fix it..but with 20 years of SMALL town SOUTHERN schooling...compared to his 20 years of NEW YORK CITY... its a disaster zone. I only remember even doing grammar one year between K-12th grade.. Half of the "incorrect" things I say would be "correct" in the south. bleh. sorry..rant.
@chiffon_pixie@xanga - Agreed! I wish I could rec' your comment..seriously.
I twitch a lot at bad English myself. But to end a relationship over it? I figure the relationship is probably on thin ice already if that's the reason. (Granted, bad English online is a reason I'm likely to skip over reading further about a woman in the first place.)
Most of those sound like rationalizations or excuses to break up when they are already predisposed to break up. I think chiffon_pixie already covered much of that. If those things are reasons to break up, you probably weren't all that interested anyway.
Some could be symptoms of some bigger issue that does become legitimate problems or incompatibilities. Symptoms that maybe we read deeper things in to.
For example, bad English gives me the impression of poor communication skills, poor education, laziness, and the general impression they're not thinking too hard and don't care about clear communication. And those do become serious issues that turn me off.
Poor grammar kills. At least, poor grammar makes me want to kill.
Same thing.
#2 is completely justified.
Number eight is justified.
These are like...pet peeves to me. Not reasons to break up. Especially if you've been with the person for at least 6 months. I mean they have nothing to do with the actual relationship. It's just stupid, petty shit and if you can't handle your partner having some annoying flaws then have fun being alone for the rest of your life.
To each person their own..but I don't think these things would be reason to break up with someone..
I think these are things that would really annoy you...... and drive you up the wall.... but that alone to break up? 0__0
I think one reason that seemed kind of lame to break up with someone was that... I just couldn't relate to him or talk to him. And I felt like it wasn't a good reason. Reading this list makes me feel better.