Monday, 30 August 2010
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Liked It... Didn't Put a Ring On It.
Last night, my boyfriend and I were channel surfing and started watching the movie Pearl Harbor. Yes, I know what you're thinking. But nothing else was on. Anyway, we caught the movie at the scene where one of the nurses, played by Jaime King, tells her friends that she is engaged to her boyfriend, but that he'll be giving her a ring in two years when he can afford it.
Immediately, my boyfriend changed the channel, saying, "Engaged with no ring? Lame. They're not really engaged."
It got me to thinking... is being engaged all about the hardware? Beyoncé wouldn't lie to us. If he liked it, he would have put a ring on it... right?
Let's say you're a couple, living together and have been for years. You talk openly about marriage and know that one day, you're definitely going to tie the knot. You own a home together, own big ticket items together. Let's say you even set the date. Isn't that all it really takes to be engaged? It's sure committed enough to me.
The whole concept of engagement seems to revolve around the ring. How did he pop the question? Where did he get the ring? Why did he pick the ring he picked? If you tell your Aunt Nelly you're engaged, you know what she's going to ask you. "Wow, so let me see the ring!!" It's the ring that seems to make it exciting to be engaged at all. Seems sad that the rock is the star of the show, and not the important commitment by the couple, no?
Still, we definitely live in a world where weddings are becoming more about parties and less about tradition. It's sort of sweet to see couples placing importance on a ritual that their parents, grandparents, and maybe even great-grandparents thought was important. Your grandmother can tell you how your grandfather proposed, and you can share in that experience together. You dreamed of that moment since you were a little girl, so maybe it's fair that you should get to have it. Ring and all.
Is it the intent to marry that makes you engaged, or does the bling truly seal the deal?
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About the Author
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- From: KerrSull
- About Me: I'm a 24 year old serial monogamist who oddly thinks she knows everything while continuing to have tons of questions about that crazy little thing called love.
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Comments (86)
I'd want a ring. At some point at least.
Yes. I don't measure my bling in carats, but rather how many African children had their blood spilled just so that my besties would cream their pants in jealousy. I won't say 'Yes' to a total less than ten.
i don't think rings are necessary at all, and i'm perfectly capable of buying my own jewelry.
Happily in a ringless engagement. I hate diamonds I hate gold I hate rings. My first wedding ring felt like a collar and i will never wear one again.
I wouldn't marry my bf if he didn't propose to me with a ring. I know it sounds superficial and materialistic, but it's a tradition. But I didn't say that the ring had to be some expensive hugeass diamond ring, but a ring would be nice, depends on his financial situation atm and what he can afford.. the real reason why I'd marry him is because I love him, his personality and I do want to be with him for the rest of my life. I think it's possible to be engaged without a ring, but it has to come sooner or later.
@lforletty@xanga - Agreed whole heartedly
I wouldn't so much say a ring is necessary, but when you ask, if your living together, and talking about it and all that makes you engaged? No, I think it needs to somehow be formalized. He has to pop the question, and I'd like something, whether it be valuable or not, to make it official.
well the ring is kind of the symbol of the commitment to engagement, it's like saying 'i own this car legally...there are just no papers to prove it.'
if having his word is all he needs though, and you honestly can't afford it, then sure, it's okay.I want a formal question. Complete with ring. It's not everything, but I am worth it.
Kimberly Process be damned, I'll never pay for a diamond.
yeah... i'd want a ring and a cute way for him to pop the question and all that stuff... that's how i think of it, anyway.
No, I don't really give much of a shit about the ring. I am not a traditional, formal person at all. As long as I have a wedding ring, I'm fine. But I don't want diamonds for reasons that have been said before me. I'd rather have a nice vintage ring. Something special, with history behind it.
I do not actually care what sort of ring it is, but I would like a ring of some sort. I like rings, and the engagement tradition would supply me with one.
That said, if money was tight, I'd have no problem with a super cheap (like 50 cent cheap) ring if he put thought and meaning into the proposal. It's really thoughtlessness that I wouldn't want.i told my boyfriend if he proposed to me with anything other than chezels, i'd say no.
I'm married - I have a wedding band, but no engagement ring. Engagement is such an abstract concept - what purpose does the ring really serve? The marriage is more important. I have a plain white gold band. And I'm perfectly happy with it. Tradition doesn't suit me anyway.
One of my coworkers told me she was engaged, even though she didn't have the ring. And when her boyfriend stopped by, he said they were engaged, with still no ring.
That's what I'm wondering too. I mean, me and my boyfriend know we're going to get married in the next year or so. We talk about our plans, and what kind of apartment I'd like to move into together once we get married because his is too small for two of us. We know where we want to get married, and have talked about where to go for the honeymoon. If intent to be married is what makes it "engagement" then I sort of am engaged. However, he hasn't got the ring and proposed yet, which to me is the technicality holding us back from being "officially engaged." I'd rather wait for the ring and proposal before calling it engaged though. That's a part of tradition, and when people ask about the ring and how he did it, I dont want to have to explain why it hasn't occured yet.
So I'm also wondering if intent to be married is enough. I think anyone can have the intent though. The ring is an investment that proves that they were serious when they talked about it, serious enough to buy the symbol. To me it's not about the money, but the symbolism behind the ring. I like that the ring shows I'm taken. I'm his, and he is mine. I'm not a feminist who has a problem with saying that, and will happily and proudly wear the symbol of our commitment and upcoming marriage when I get it. Also, my boyfriend is quite traditional.. so he is going to ask my father's permission first (he'll say yes). I like tradition. :]
To some people, the ring symbolizes the signing of a contract, and there is less trust in the spoken word. For example, it can be like saying "I promise" and then breaking your promise-which happens all the time.
I feel like it's nice and should be expected that the girl gets a ring, but it is not absolutely necessary nor really that important. I say the guy should get a ring because society has put it into the girl's head she's going to get that darned shiny rock one day, so why disappoint? =)
Yes & no. There is no doubt in my mind you must have a ring to seal the deal, but it doesn't have to be something huge & fancy. I mean, if you can't afford even a 50 dollar ring then you probably shouldn't be getting engaged in the first place because you won't be able to afford a wedding or even an apartment. Come on, guys, putting away 5 bucks a week until you have an adequate amount isn't difficult.
Anyway, it's not about the ring but what the ring represents. First off, living together & engaged are two different things. Engaged means you intend on getting married. SOON. Not like, two months soon, but within two years. & you should never set a date without a ring because this goes back to the whole money thing. Oh, there will be rings at the wedding, too.
Bottom line, marriage is not a huge blingfest. It's not a contest. It's joining your soul with someone you intend on being with forever. If you can't make a commitment to getting a ring, how can you commit to anything else marriage entails? Oh, & if you can't afford the ring there's a good chance you won't be able to afford the divorce, either. Don't rush into marriage just because it seems glamorous. Try living casually with them first, dating, sleeping together (celibates, you can do this without sex), shopping together.. etc. Think long & hard about a marriage because it's really not all that easy.
of course you don't need a ring. Personally I don't even want a guy to really "propose" to me; I just want it to be something we agree on.
The ring told me he was actually serious. It was something concrete I could look at and know he means to spend the rest of his life with me. He didn't get down on one knee to do it...that's not necessary. And the ring wasn't necessary. But it's simple and I cherish it because it is a physical reminder, especially now that I'm away at school, that he is making the commitment.
My husband and I are married.. needless to say, I still don't have a ring. Why?! Exactly. He can't afford it. It's no excuse. It's the truth. We're financially struggling like many other families out there at this poor state of the economic crisis. I'm not going to lie that I don't want a ring. Like most women, I do want a ring on my finger to show the world that I'm his (married to a wonderful man!) and in a committed relationship - isn't that what the symbolic of a ring stands for?! But for me, it can wait until we can actually afford it (our personal preference - we don't want to buy a cheap ring just for the sake of having a ring on my finger. if we're going to do it one time, it's going to be right and a tad bit pricey.) I understand our circumstances and the way he loves and cares for me every day is more than enough that I can ask for.
So yes, I'm a happy camper with no ring on my finger.. I'm sure the wait would be worth it though!
Not sure, I would say ring - but not for monetary reasons. like, ring because you are telling everyone about your date to marry, or intention to, or ring because now everyone knows without a doubt you are taken, etc.
Intent to marry doesn't show the same commitment as one party buying a ring for the other, etc. Sure, I intend to marry my boyfriend, but does that mean we are engaged? No.At some point an inexpensive, personalized ring would be a nice thing. The commitment is the first and most important part though.