Sunday, 29 August 2010
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Dating Your Ex's Friends: Totally Fine, Or the Worst Idea Ever?
I stumbled upon Askmen.com's "Yes, Date her friend: In the company of Men" and thought "hmm... one more thing I'm doing wrong in the dating world: letting my friends date my ex-boyfriend." Gross. Even if you're friends with your ex-boyfriend, it was your territory first, and there's other fish in the sea.
Here were some points he touched on,
You're in the clear
You dated your ex because she’s hot. Well, you know that hot girls hang out with other hot girls. You were with your ex because of her rockin’ body, her curves, her breasts, etc. Well, you’ve been checking out the body on her friend when the girls got dressed up for a night on the town. You’ve even heard your ex tell stories about how freaky her friend is. This information can give you the inside track to what said hottie ex-friend is into. Celebrate, because now you can move on this.
Female Rivalry
If there is any female rivalry, you’ll reap the benefits. Your ex’s friend may hate her guts. Women love to know they are one-upping another female they cannot stand. So, prepare for some intense sex and pleasure as your newfound cutie gets back at her former friend by rocking your world. However, while this can lead to some spicy sex talk ("tell me how much better I am than her!"), be careful that you don’t become a pawn. You’re a man, and remember that when you’re asked to parties and get-togethers that your ex will be there too.
If your ex-boyfriend or girlfriends falls into the friend category after you break up, and actively suggests that you date their friend, then I suppose that would be okay. But there is such a thing as off-limits. My friends and I always mark guys we dated or hooked up with, as off-limits-- it's just kind of known. But I've written about ex-es on here before and usually everyone disagrees with me and says she's friends with her exes.
So would you mind if your friends dated your ex?
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Comments (65)
um sure... we'll see how that goes for em...
That article from askmen is totally true. I've been there, that rivalry thing with women seems to be true a lot of time. Now as for your article, if you have problems with a friend being with your ex... that obviously still means you have feelings for them.
I think I'd object to friends dating a couple of my exes because they're such douchebags.
Otherwise, no problem at all.
I'm pretty sure it's nothing but trouble, actually.
if any of my friends were stupid enough to date my exes, i'd kick their ass. its called loyalty. what kind of backstabbing girls would do this??
wow... it sounds so...shady
as if there's not enough cynicism and distrust for man's best intentions already.
I read the article and I especially don't agree with the last MAN UP reason. It's counter-intuitive. If you don't want your ex to be a part of your life anymore, then why would you date her friend? That just guarantees that she'd definitely be a part of your life with your new girl. Unless your plan is to isolate her from her friend who happens to be your ex. If you're not going to respect your new girl's friends then you have no business dating her.
I also might be overanalyzing. Maybe for askmen, dating just means f***ing. I don't think there was ever one mention of the word relationship. So I can only assume that it could be about just sex and whether it's okay to have sex with your ex's friends. With today's society and the separation of sex with any emotion as we begin to view each other's bodies as nothing more than merely a tool for our pleasure, I can see how it would be ok.
If its a friend I'm close to, we wouldn't be able to have quite the conversations about sex and such because my ex would enter the conversation and it would be awkward for both of us. That and we could never hang out together and with our current boyfriends because the ex would be there. Also, I think my ex is an emotionally disturbed, self-righteous, sexist asshole, so any friend who would date him would have to be crazy. But I don't have any problems like, "he was mine first and now he's off-limits" kind of thing. That's just what I think.
his article is disgusting and piggish.
but i do think it's all right to date ex's friends if you and the ex are both okay with it. if there are no hard feelings left, then what's the harm? yeah, it might be weird to think that your friend has done similar things, but eh. i don't really think it's bad unless someone gets hurt in the process... which is kind of obvious haha.
you'd have to think about why they are your ex to begin with and if so, warn your friend about him haha.
If it is still in that awkward relationship to friend phase, then yes, I would mind, but only because of the lingering feelings that need to be subdued. But after that's all gone, it's fine for me. I still friends with my exes and one has a great guy as her current boyfriend.
@laytexduckie@xanga - Agreed on that
Just depends on how much time is given, if said friend of mine started dating my ex just like that..I'd be kind of hurt just because of the lingering feelings going on..but down the road give or take some time..then yeah, sure my friends can date my ex. It's called sensibility...lol
i can't explain why, but i'd be really bothered by it to be honest.
It all depends on the situation. One of my friends dated one of my exes, and 5 years later, they're still together - the ex and I remained friends; we only broke up because we were incompatible as a couple (we only dated a couple of months anyway). But he and my friend ROCK as a couple - and I'm totally happy for them!
But as @laytexduckie@xanga said - if it were someone I had dated for a really long time/still hadn't gotten over during said "relationship to friend" phase, then yeah, I'd say as a friend, he's off-limits, at least until I'm over it. Afterward, go for it. Unless he really was an asshole, then go for it, but at your own risk.
@cdedodgethis@xanga - My ex best friend of 7 years. Two months after my ex and I broke it off for a second time.
im glad the general comments on this post are so mature- after reading the post and first couple comments i got pissed
my opinion is its a line you generally should never cross, but sometimes its okay- and people can't control how they meet each other. so i think a person should only do it if its worth the risk and theres a ridiculous connection. because realistically we will not be with the majority of the people we date, and when we look at all the relationships that should not be happening in the world and all the bad matches, its understandable.
It totally depends on the break up. People hear "ex" & think the worst possible things. If it was an amicable break up with no lasting effects & you can be civil (if not friendly) to each other, I wouldnt mind a friend dating my ex or vice versa. I WOULD however let the friend know before hand that you're now dating or you feel interested in the ex. Some people cant resist starting shit between 2 other people by saying "hey jane! jackie is dating your ex!! you didnt know?!". I've seen it...
@EmilySingSomthingSweet@xanga - thats horrible!!! hopefully karma comes back and bites them both in the ass!!
I'd never date a friends ex...!
i would never date my friends ex and she would never date mine.
@cdedodgethis@xanga - Karma has like a stock piled shit fest for my ex.. who is actually insane and now my ex best friend doesn't have a single friend left in the whole state : )
@EmilySingSomthingSweet@xanga - good to hear!! there is some justice left in the world!
I'd ask first. Personally I think it's okay. But anyone can feel free to hit my ex up and I won't care. I'm sure she'd be down with it. We broke up 4 months ago, and she's legitimately married now. Did I mention she went through 2 guys after me? LOL.
Dating ex's friends is nothing but problems...and really low and shady on top of it all.
If he's been IN your friends vagina, the answer should always be NO!
No.