Saturday, 28 August 2010
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Missed Opportunities: When You Never Leave the Friend Zone
I look back to the guys I've befriended, "friend-zoned," lost connection with, etc., and there are quite the keepers. What I wonder, though, is why nothing happened between us? Was it out of my control; that he had no feelings for me, that he wasn't looking for anything, or that he found me out of his reach? Or was it my own fault, that I pushed him away, that I expressed no interest?
I have this good friend of mine who recently graduated and is now working for Google. He seems utterly happy with his life right now. Suddenly, I realized I didn't really have him anymore. I feel that he is the biggest missed opportunity of my life.
He is strikingly attractive, his personality is caring and funny, we relate to extremes, and the list goes on. Mostly I'll blame this one on myself, but given he was moving away to the other side of the country, I'm sure he wasn't looking to start anything right before the move. However, most people asked me if he and I were dating/going to date. Most people felt that there was some sort of connection there, that he must like me for he would always call me, ask to eat with me, and just spend time with me in my dorm.
But for some reason, I didn't want it. I didn't want any of it. I look back, and I'm honestly not entirely sure why. I had a semi-interest at the time, but it was very brief. I also wasn't really looking to get into another relationship seeing as how the previous one ended so terribly. Maybe it was my quest just to make purely platonic guy friends. For some reason, I truly wasn't interested, but I can't seem to understand why.
But as fate has it, the timing wasn't right anyway. If anything happened, we'd be apart for at least three years, for I'll be at school at NYU and he'd be working in NorCal. And maybe, he wasn't even interested in the first place. Who knows?
Have you ever wondered why nothing happened between you and another?
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- From: eatdrinkandbemaryy@xanga
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Comments (25)
Nope. We usually talked it out and we'd explain things.
Usually, it's lack of chemistry, timing or anything else really. There's no reason to stay in the past and wonder why it didn't work. It's better to move on with the future and hopefully find someone better.
These are the questions that haunt me....
No joke. They seriously do. I even wrote a cryptic blog about it. I just want to know if it would work out if I dated my friend. I don't have "feelings" for him, but I think I could if I chose to let it happen. But I'm not about to go ruining everything just to try something, especially if he doesn't want to try it. Then it's like the rest of our lives are this ridiculous awkwardness.
the difference is now he works for Google and is happy with a stable foundation, so his attractiveness increases because if you got together, you can tell people that you are dating someone, who works for Google, and they react with:
the guys that I friend zoned in the past aren't any more attractive to me today. they are either married, have kids, changed their bodies into a beer belly dad or other things that don't appeal to me.
I Like This Blog, And It's Raised A Question...Why Do Girls "Friend Zone" Guys Just Like That?
Yeah, this has happened to me enough times. I just convince myself that one "it's over" between the guy and I (it could be a fling), that it just wasn't meant to be, that the chemistry wasn't right, and that someone else out there is looking for me.
It almost always boils down to the same thing, it wasn't what you were looking for or wanted at that time.
I was thinking of that just a few days ago.
Sometimes if a matter of a guy not being "exciting enough" at the time or sometimes it really is about a person not being what you are looking for or what you need at that point of your life. It could be now that he has a stability and something that makes him more marketable he is now more attractive. It is what it is.
whoa.. i think i know the person you're talking about. random. and creepy.
All the time. I'm stuck in 'friend zone' 24/7/365.
Hmmm...nope cant say I do.
@FADED_STAR@xanga - o____O you do? this is awkward. D:
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - is he from CT?
I have this good friend and I found out recently that she had a crush on me for the longest time. I did as well. So, now we actually kind of verbalize our feelings, then laugh, and pretend we were kidding--when we both know we aren't. It's weird, but I rather kind of like it. lol. <3
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - haha no worries! we were neighbors way back when. i don't really talk to him anymore. your secret is safe :)
I've never had that kind of feeling. I often wonder what would've happened if I never got the guts to ask my best friend out...hmmm..it worries me. But now, he and I are together, and I'm happy I didn't lose my chance.
@FADED_STAR@xanga - phew. thanks!
I'm actually, somewhat in this situation now, now that you mention it...
I've known this guy for 5 years. We even briefly dated in high school, but it was more like we were friends anyway and it only lasted a month or something and we never kissed. It was one of those "it-wasn't-even-a-relationship" things. And we talk alot now and he really listens to me as a person and is sweet and has everything in order in his life and is a good person, but...
But. That's all I can say is "but". There's always one in regardance to this for me. My boyfriend passed away last December and I'm still not entirely over the fact. And seeing as things are the way they are, I don't know if I can fully commit myself to this.."friend" of mine. He's expressed interest in me and he says he understands the situation..but I don't feel like I can do anything about it because of the way I feel. I feel like I'd be betraying my boyfriend's memory or something..and since I still feel that way, I guess I should just wait.
This guy really understands me, but..there are also annoying little factors like his ex-girlfriend, my family and all my friends eagerly pushing me towards him...I don't like when they do that. But I know that even if we don't end up being more than friends, I think I'd be okay with that. Actually, being anything more just might make us uncomfortable in the future.
this happened to me once but it's because when i had the chance, i didn't take it so when he left, i started to regret my decision but it was too late. i recently saw him and he was happy with someone else and even though i was happy for him, i still think "what if".
I think every one has these friends, could they be the ones who got away? my answer; move on and keep looking it didn't happen for a reason.
oh this is always a funny subject with us guys, you get stuck in the friend zone with some girl, you do all the hard work while some other guy gets to share a bed with her, then you lose contact for a little while and then all of a sudden she wants you... to us, we think... erm, you turned me down and then slept with lots of random drunk guys, now out of nowhere you change ya mind... sorry babe ya missed the boat, i'm doing other stuff now
very interesting post...i like it...i was wondering that too lately...i have a few male friends and i wonder why it never took off...but i think they or I weren't what they were looking for...sometimes it's not a match...no chemistry...sometimes it is just a legitimate friendship, you know....no attraction....something i am physically attracted but there is no common ground really...
hey if it were meant to be it would work out or it will work out. maybe you can try w ur friend and see.
@TheRedheadChronicles@xanga - I'm in a similar, definitely not identical, situation. My advice: give yourself plenty of time and space. Death of a loved one is not easy to get over, and people who aren't as close to the situation may prod you about starting another relationship, but don't do it until you're comfortable with it. Those people probably just want to see you happy. They are in a rather helpless position, where they care about you and want to do something to make you feel better, but time (and God, if you believe in one) is the only healer in these situations. I think to myself, that if I move on before I am ready, I'm risking starting a new relationship on the wrong note. I dont want that. Deepest sympathies.