Saturday, 21 August 2010
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Give the Quiet Guys a Chance, Ladies
I read an article recently that said that when dating you should give men not one or two, but possibly three or even four chances before deciding whether or not you'd like to see them again. According to this article, men who act a certain way because they may be shy or intimidated on a first or second date could be completely wonderful on a more relaxed third or fourth. On the flip side, men who sweep you off your feet at the first meeting are men who've practiced the art of charm and also, perhaps, are so "wonderful" because they've spent a lot of time wooing women. Lots and lots of women.
I recently decided that this is probably true. Here's what happened:
Back in October I went on a date with Evan. Our first date was okay. Nothing to e-mail the girls about, but also not terrible. We got dinner and coffee and drove around by the water. Second date, dinner and a movie. It was actually pretty dull. We had very little to talk about and I couldn't wait for the movie to start because then we could stop trying to make small talk. The next time I saw him was at a bar where he was fairly fun and personable, but I didn't seem him again because I figured we didn't have enough in common (and, if I'm being honest with myself, I was still not over my ex, BB).
I should point out here that BB, who turned out to be a complete jerk, was a charmer. He completely swept me off my feet. By that I mean that on our first date he took me out to dinner, sang Aerosmith's "Crazy" to me in a karaoke bar, and then kissed me right in the middle of Times Square. I should also point out that BB has probably done all of this with countless other women, and I have a feeling that every nice thing he has ever said to me is just a line he's used many times over.
Anyway last Thursday, I ran into Evan at a bar again. We talked. A lot. He told me that he owed me dinner. I still don't remember that agreement, but what woman is going to argue with an attractive man who wants to take her out? I said alright and we made plans to hang out this past Friday night.
Things got late so instead of going out for dinner we went out for drinks. And it was a little awkward at first, but guess what? Eventually, the conversation just started flowing. We talked easily about lots of things, and had a pretty good time. At about 1:30 AM we decided to leave the bar so he could walk me home but instead, we ended up going to this little park near my house. We hopped a fence and went inside, where it was beautiful, quiet, and secluded. We lay down and watched the stars till about 3 AM listening to music a la his i-phone.
Upon hearing this story, Ellen (my cynical, logical friend) said, "Aside from being completely illegal, that sounds absurdly romantic."
Evan and I are planning on going to dinner tonight. I don't know where this will lead (if anywhere) but I could have missed out on a really great date! In fact, I almost did. I wrote Evan off way too soon because he was a little quiet and a little awkward the first few times we went out. Maybe that's a good thing! Maybe the quiet awkward ones are the ones who are the most sincere.
What do you think? Have you dated a charmer? Or did you pursue the quiet awkward one? How did it turn out?
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About the Author
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- From: JanetDart@xanga
- About Me: I've always loved Sex and the City and with recent ridiculous developments in the lives of me and my dear, darling friends I decided it was most definitely time to start blogging. I hope you enjoy laughing at our lives as much as my friends and I do.
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Comments (55)
the quiet nerdy ones are assholes too.. most men are!
i'm a big sucker for charmers... and it's so bad. i love when guys sweep me off my feet although i know he's gonna be an asshole in the end... it's just so hard to not be in love with that. i just can't bring myself up to enjoy a quiet, awkward guy... idk :/
My ex wasn't really must of a charmer to say..but I did stay with him for awhile..but yet my new bf..is quite shy and quiet himself. It took awhile for him to warm up to me as a friend then a best friend...then when we became bf and gf..he was much easier to talk and much easier to love and relate.
Weirdly, I've never been attracted to charmers. The only guy I've ever sincerely cared about was a shy/ awkward guy. Although I adored him for it, it never worked out.
Meh. A lot of the quiet guys, myself included, get rejected right off the bat or after the first date. It's just how the world works. But when a quiet guy does find a girl that doesn't reject his shyness, he spends A LOT of time trying to please her and make her happy. She is, after all, the one and only girl on his mind.
I prefer the quiet, humble guys. Loud, arrogant guys are the biggest turnoff...
I love this post :) I admit I'm a sucker for charmers, but most of them do turn out arrogant and self centered. The quiet guys are really cute and sweet. The underdog<3
omg he's perfectt. haha
Actually i have a pretty good example- if you've ever watched the movie mona lisa smile- Ebon Moss-Bachrach playing as charlie stewart
my boyfriend was and still is the quiet one and a charmer. i've always dated quiet guys and they're really sweet but sometimes they think they can get away with saying stupid stuff. my boyfriend and i have been together and happy for 7 months =D quiet/charmers are the way to go!
Lol, charmers don't ever work for me. XD I judge everything from my vibes since I can somehow tell who's putting on a personality or someone who's being real.
Yeah.. I'm the type that falls for charmers too, which is just what my exes and bf are now. I went out with a quiet, shy and awkward guy once and the first date just made me so bleh that he asked me to go out several times later but I ended up turning him down.. I see what you're trying to get at, but there are always exceptions to the rules. I'm shy in some ways on the first date too, but I just feel a lot more comfortable and open around people who talk more when I first meet them because it feels like I get to know them better faster.
As always, totally situational.
My fiance and I clicked on our first date. We couldn't stop talking! I think it depends on the spark, connection, chemistry, etc. Different couple build from the bottom differently.
i'm the quiet awkward one! and i'm quite a catch, heh.
i also love quiet, awkward boys. they're generally awesome. problem is neither of us will ever approach the other one. so i always wound up with charmers, which was stupid. because it never ended up good.
my boyfriend now is a nerd, but outgoing. it works.
@Impulsiveimpurist@xanga - omg, yes. ::swoon:: he's so cute.
@UltraViolet847@xanga - It's not any easier to find a woman who isn't.
An asshole wears the mask of his/her choosing, and fools most. A good person wears what someone else painted on them, which nearly always makes them look like assholes; to most.
I'm definitely quiet, shy, and kinda awkward. I usually get passed by because of it though. But that's ok. The quiet ones get the most done, they don't waste time...talking.
i like quiet and confident, leave the awkward to someone else.. i know what i like, and theres lots out there!
something about the low key mystery is sexxxy.....
I HATE CHARMERS. I absolutely hate it. I hate all men who wear the guise of a "lady's man". It's so annoying. They're all cocky and act like they're God's gift to women, when usually they're a completely disappointment on every facet.
My current boyfriend has the potential to be a lady's man, but he's too weird and just... I don't know. I actually don't understand why he's not a lady's man. He's very cute and outgoing but for some reason he's not with girls.
How the hell we ended up together is a mystery to me, though. I'm awkward, nerdy, and kind of ugly, and he's cute, charismatic, and carefree.
my bf's a quiet humble guy, and i wouldn't have it any other way. no BS, just sincerity. what you see is what you get.
I never thought of it that way since I usually judge one's "boyfriend potential" after the first date, but this makes SO much more sense! First dates are always awkward, so it's not likely for either person to be completely themselves since they're mostly caught up in trying to act PERFECT for the other to be interested. So maybe judgment after a third date would make more sense, eh? Also, I wish I knew the bit about a guy being TOO perfect on the first date - it finally clicks! Haha.
Great post!
My husband is a shy, quiet guy. I fell in love with this, he is a good listener, he's a deep thinker and doesn't tell me something just to see me blush. Besides, he treats me so special, he's quiet around new people but with me he's open. That is a different kind of special, a unique and sincere special.
I root for the quiet guys, mine stole my heart.
I was quiet all my life and nobody liked that at all. I was raised to think that being quiet is bad, lol! My dad believes that quiet people are probably one of the most cynical and frankly, he's scared of people who are too quiet. I became annoyed and scared of quiet people too, haha.
quiet/shy guys can be adorable. I remember this guy that liked me, who was so shy that he couldn't even look me in the eye when he talked. at first I thought it was rude but he was just nervous. later I talked to a guy friend for his perspective, who told me how he can't look the girl in the eye that he liked because they are too pretty
I wonder what would happen if he did look me in the eye when we talked, would he break out in hives due to nervousness
it was awkward but later he did get more comfortable and even touched me in subtle flirty ways
so was he really shy or was it just an act
this guy turned out to be a player. I never really know if the guy is sincere or not after my experiences with various guys.
It's probably always a good idea to date a person more than once before deciding anything... That goes for both 'charmers' and 'quiet guys'. Both can be pieces of shit. Both can be perfectly fine.
I think a better approach is to stop caring about how well people come off on first dates. No one is 'perfect', so I'd say the best person to date is someone who isn't even trying to come off as 'perfect' and is more or less just trying to be themselves... In all their shitty glory.
That's why I fart and scratch my balls on first dates.
I've gone for both, and both have ended badly.