Thursday, 19 August 2010

• One night stand = It's all about ME

  This is in response to the recent spat of featured blogs on "this is what you should/shouldn't do in bed", many of which seem to be aimed at hook ups as random as the venerable One Night Stand.

  The One Night Stand. You know, that lovely short relationship that consists of a couple hours of flirting, 20 minutes of getting busy, a little down time, and the opportunity to hash it over with friends.

  It's a little package deal. It's an experience we give OURSELVES. I mean seriously, who goes into a One Night Stand thinking "I'm going to make it all about THEM!"

  So, yeah, I don't really care if you want me to swallow, whisper sweet nothings in your ear or refrain from taking a shit afterward. I don't care if you aren't happy with scratches on your back or hickies or bruises or me screaming "You're better than Aunt Lucy with a strap-on". I mean, the thing with One Night Stands is they are a grab bag. You take your chances and you get what you get. You want a real relationship where you and the partner communicate and compromise and make sure the other gets satisfaction and wants to come back for more? Then why are you wasting time on random hook ups?

  With One Night Stands, it's a gamble, you may get amazing sex, or you may get the weirdest damn experience of your life...but even if you get the latter, you still have something hilarious to talk about with your friends for a few days. And it's not like you spent a lot of time, effort or cash on it.

  One Night Stands are about the experience...and about ourselves. We go into them for our own reasons, to satisfy our own hunger, and even as narcissistic as that is, we probably ought to remember that the other person goes into them for THEIR reasons and not really expect them to care much about our agenda.  If you want to "have it your way", then cough up the bucks for a prostitute.

  If some guy hands me his list of 12 rules for the perfect One Night Stand just before we hop into the sack...I'll be like "Can I save this, because my girlfriends are NOT going to believe this..."

  And if swallowing is that critical to you, ask me just before you buy me that second drink..."Oh by the way...do you swallow?" It'll give us both enough information to know if we should proceed or move on to the next interesting body in the room. But honestly, I may not be able to answer that question, because I may swallow for some guys, but I may not swallow for you, or maybe just not tonight, or maybe I'll surprise us both and kiss a little of it back into your mouth, so you can get a taste of your own medicine.

  I mean, in One Night Stands, I don't know what I am going to get, but then, until I get there, I don't know what I am going to "give" either.

  What do you think about one night stands? Agree or disagree?

  • 10:05 PM
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