Thursday, 19 August 2010
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LDRs: You Are Never Too Far And Never Too Close
The taboo words: Long. Distance. Relationships.
The moment you say to your friends you're in a long distance relationship, then practically automatically alarm bells go off in their head. "Oh Em Gee! that's NEVER going to work!" or "Are you sure?! how can you trust someone who's in another country or a few thousand miles from you?!"...something along those lines.
Which is true...in a sense. It MAY not work out and you DON'T know what they're doing 24/7. But why does it have to be the case for LDRs?
No one can predict the future, even if you see each other everyday or have a "close distance relationship", you still can't 100% say things will work out. Unless you are one of the rare cases of people who have found their "The One" (yes, I am one of a lucky few hehe). Things happen, people change. it's a part of the roller coaster of life.
The only times you always know what they person is doing are:
- if they are made up in your mind and you're actually having a one-sided relationship
- they have no social life and stay home all the time and so you do
- your S.O (significant other) is in some solitary confinement unit and only you have access to it
- you have a stalker following him/her
- you install cameras EVERYWHERE and monitor his/her EVERY movement
Due to popular beliefs I was afraid to be in an LDR. I feared it so because of all the hype about who LDRs never work out. I still took the risk. It's shown me that you may crave the physical side (yes, I'm talking about sexual urges too), but it's not everything. Being a practical person, I strive to make the best of what I have been dealt with.
To make a LDR as best as it possibly can:
1. Use a webcam-- it's a godsend on times you want to see your S.O. however WTL and I have hardly any patience to type and webcam so it's a rare thing for us to do.
2. Phone calls & SMS-- my favorite part of each day. Hearing his voice makes my heart sing and a simple "I love you sweet heart. Good night. Muah" keeps me going on every day.
3. Knowing the long term goals and reminding myself of them-- I know it's better and easier for me to study in Vietnam than in Australia because honestly, i know I'd fuck around a lot if i was studying in Australia. Being in Vietnam gives me the luxury or parental support and keeps me out of trouble. WTL understands my reasons and knows for me to get my degree will help OUR future so he might not like it, but he accepts this temporary distance.
4. Small gifts-- WTL and I mail to one another small gifts once in a while, whether it be a hand written letter or little gift package, to receive something is better than putting a pile of money in my bank account.
5. Photos-- I take them for him, he takes them for me. Simple.
So DESPITE popular belief, LDRs can work. WTL and I are still very much in love. We're both mature enough to understand that LDRs can be a bit difficult and can cause strain on a relationship. However, we are open and we trust one another. We understand that even if they were next to us or on the other side of the world, we have our own lives yet we are a part of each others lives.
We believe that if both sides can believe it will work, then it will. no distance can break such a wonderful thing.
Do you have any tips for dealing with LDRs? What do you think about them?
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Comments (38)
As someone else in a long distance relationship (though not as long distance as you, by any means), this is absolutely fantastic advice. Kudos on this.
You already covered it seems...lol ; great tips
Great post! I met my hubby on Xanga and we had an LDR for about a year before we married. They definitely can work, especially if you know what you're getting into and don't have unrealistic expectations for it. Best wishes to you in yours!
Im' in a close distance relationship (about 2 hours) and its so hard, so I can't even imagine how hard it is for you! But I do like this post. My boyfriend and I keep in touch through text throughout the day.
To be in a LDR, you have to have so much trust in the other person. it's hard, and scary, but whether or not it works out you will learn a lot about yourself and what you want in a relationship.
I love this post.
I'm so glad I stumbled across this post today. My boyfriend is moving to Texas in 9 days and we both currently live in California. He's moving to get his career going and it's the smartest move, but it still makes me upset, not at him just the situation. We've done a long distance relationship before when I was 18 and he was 19 and it didn't work out, I'm hoping it works out better this time because we're a few years older. We don't know when we'll live near each other again though because I'm transferring out of state for college probably next fall and it probably won't be to Texas and if his career goes where he wants it to he'll be traveling a lot. People are definitely unsupportive of long distance relationships though and everyone has their two cents to give even if they've never been in one. I know people whose LDR's worked out and people whose LDR's didn't work out. I think it depends on the people. I think this is excellent advice though. Thank you :)
These tips are going to help me a whole lot when I go to college. My SO and I are terrified of being away from each other, but not because we don''t trust each other but because we'll both go mad with rage if we can't share the occasional squishy hug or kiss war.
Much thanks! *bookmarks*
It's not that hard if you have good communication. I was in an LDR for like...three years (two unofficially dating, one officially dating, same guy). It's not easy, but I don't understand why it's a meltdown situation. Just talk to eachother! My boyfriend worked a full time job and hung out with friends and I never had any worries, because we were always (and I mean almost always) texting eachother. Not from being overprotective--but just talking. My boy wasn't a douche to begin with, but it's also comforting to know he's probably not having sex with a girl and having a full blown conversation about Mayan history with me at the same time. And even when they're not around--trust your instincts and be logical. If he didn't want to be with you, he wouldn't be. LDR's are especially pure, in my opinion, because there isn't really the element of being used for sex. He likes you for your voice, your conversation, everything that makes you YOU, and the physical part of that comes second, and with a whole lot of more gratitude. Take it one day at a time. Love notes and other expressions of affection help, since you can't really show how you feel physically. And good luck :D
I think you pretty much covered everything. all great tips.
All those tips are great! I'm in a long distance relationship...it's even more of a distance now that he is deployed overseas, but all your ideas we have used...and it makes it so much easier.
Great advice! I've known of two LDR's that are in the process of really working out - myself and my fiancee (we spent over a year apart - she in Texas and I in Australia) and a UK friend with a girl in Atlanta.
Pretty much our success was down to the points you listed here.
Great post!
This was the case for me about 8-9 months ago. In fact, as I'm typing this, I'm visiting my LDR girlfriend for two weeks in Canada. If the two parties are willing to make the relationship work, then more power to them. And the friends should be there to support them, no matter what the decide or what happens.
@CelestDiggory@xanga - "*sniff* my boyfriend just left for college and im leaving in a few weeks.
I know how you feel! it's a tough road.I'm so glad someone posted the positive sides of LDR, i was so afraid it wasnt going to work but nowi realize i can focus on me and still love my baby at the same time!
In about a week I'll officially be in a long distance relationship. I'm scared of getting hurt, but that would be the case even if we weren't going away to college. I trust that he won't cheat on me and I know that I won't cheat on him, I think my biggest fear is just growing apart or him finding a new girl.
I have hope though and I'm just trying to stay positive! :) Won't be easy.
my boyfriend is moving away in a month and i have already got people telling me to end it now as it will never work and i find it stupid. i've been with him for two years next week and to throw all of that away because he is moving away to get a degree to help with OUR future just seems like the most pointless thing to do. i can't believe people are even suggesting it!
it will be hard and there has been so many arguments over it but i know that we can make it work. he is planning on getting engaged to me if we last for another year and to marry me once we have both gotten our degree's. the long term goals are what counts.
and at the end of the day, if it doesn't work out, at least we know we tried. no regrets.
thank you for this post, it has really helped me prepare :) your story is inspirational <3
xxxxx
@valeriexoxjoleen@xanga - they are the same fears as me but we can get through this :) xxx
as someone who has been in an LDR for over a year, I can pretty much say you've covered everything. trust is also a key thing to have though. I've seen LDRs crash and burn because the girlfriend was way too paranoid her boyfriend would cheat on her and vice versa.
You just gotta be confident that the person you chose to be with is a good person, someone who won't cheat on you. but honestly, that's a given in any relationship, LDR or not.
I have this guy who lives like 4 hours away and its not really an LDR but we are both interested in each other. I never really think about the idea that he could be out with some other girl and never ponder what he is doing. All I know is he makes me happy when I talk to him on the phone and I will be even happier when I get to see his in december . : )
My friends definitely don't understand, but they don't need to. It's something that is my business, not theirs.
my last relationship was an ldr and it worked for a while but then we broke up because of some issues we ran into with each other. trust, communication and honesty is key. he wasn't employed and never really went anywhere except for when i went to see him or he would come see me. we talked all the time, texted, imed and did what we needed to do stay close to each other. ldr's are tough but when you get a hold of it, it's just as good as any relationship. you're forced to communicate and trust someone more than when they're close to you.
For the longest time I had chose long distance relationships over close distance relationships due to the fact it was easier to not get so close to said person and if a break up occurs it's not as painful. Bu if you've been in them for a long time then transfer to a relationship close to home, it really changes a persons perspective. I agree LDR's can work for a strong willed person. Otherwise if your looking for a more intimate relationship, stay away from LDR's and look close to home.
My bf and I talked..a lot. Really to the point of excess and past it, :P. Used webcam sometimes and used MSNs phone feature a lot. Always remembered that at some point, which came really soon, that we would be together physically. It really helped.
My boyfriend moved about 3 hours away shortly after we started dating. Then he moved 1,970 miles away. We've been long distance for about a year and a half now. I'm looking for jobs where he is for after I graduate college this coming year!! I'm so excited to finally be with him & get married. :D
@ConfusionwithaK11@xanga - I'm glad they posted this, too! I'm just freaking out at how fast this school year is going to go. I mean, I know I have a year left with him, but it's not enough to last for the time I'll be gone. God, thinking about it makes me miss him already!
Good luck, though. :) I hope you guys get through this LDR :)
I've been a LDR for four years. I live in America, he is in school in Germany. Still successful.
I'm a long distance relationship, he lives in DK and I'm from Malayisia. Just started, will be 3 mths on 25th of this month and knowing each other for 6 mths on 22nd. He has just met on the 3 weeks ago. Have the tough things and facts we need to go through to make this relationship work out in the end..
@CoolHandLiz@xanga - wow, congratulation! 4 years is very long time:)
@cmdr_keen@xanga - so nice to hear that both of you and your friends could maintain the relationship over a year. That made me think it isn't hopeless to have a LDR.
@Cambios@xanga - Thanks for the advise[ which came really soon, that we would be together physically.] :)
@TheLuckiestWomanEver@xanga - Congratulation to you! :)