Wednesday, 18 August 2010
Boundaries are infinitely important, and it's even more important that your significant other knows exactly where those are, if you want things to last.
A lot of guys I know are firm to these "lines," they don't budge. But a lot of women I know are too ready to move them for "the right guy."
In my mind, if he's the right guy, he won't want you do to that. Unless they're just ridiculous.
Other than cheating, my one firm, unmovable line pertains to alcohol.
After growing up with a father who (although I know loved me) regularly abused alcohol, one of my firmest lines stands there. I expect my boyfriend to drink (I mean, hell, he's 21, and stationed on an Air Force base in Las Vegas), and that's fine with me. As long as it stays where it belongs-- the weekend. A while ago he called me on a Wednesday and he was 3 sheets to the wind. I was upset.
I was especially upset because we had already been over this conversation, I thought we had it covered. I never got over the feeling that my dad had picked alcohol over his children. I refuse, 100%, to be with a man that I thought showed the signs of becoming an alcoholic.
I told him I was upset and I didn't want to talk anymore, that he could just call me tomorrow, if he was sober.
I could tell he felt terrible and he told me that, if I wanted, he'd stop drinking altogether. Of course, I'm not that vapid, and I know it's just not applicable to his life, and that's fine, but he knows that we'll be on thin ice if he starts drinking more nights than not.
Where are your boundaries? How do you deal when your SO crosses them? Have you ever moved them for somebody?