Thursday, 12 August 2010

• From Past to Present: How Does Your SO Compare?

  
  Try as we might, it's hard, maybe impossible, to not compare our past and present SO's with one another.
  
  Sure, comparing one person to another generally has a negative connotation, but really, it's just human nature. Just the other day, my mom's good friend was over, and made the comment that although she loved our new dog of a few months, she hadn't gotten to know her well enough to stop comparing her to our old one. Human nature. It takes time to get to know another person intimately, and before that level of trust and committment is reached, it's easy to fall back into old routines.
  
  With any luck, your newest relationship will be thriving, and your last will have ended for a reason. That's the case for me, anyway. I've been pleasantly surprised with some qualities in my newest SO of four months, and being with him has really helped adapt and shape the way I look at functional relationships. My ex isn't a bad guy by any means, but certain aspects of his personality just didn't align with mine. Three of the biggest changes that I've come to love and appreciate about my current SO are:
  
  1). He's able to read me. I'm not always the best communicator, so sometimes when something is bothering me, I tend to bury it. Well we all know how well that type of coping mechanism usually works out, and often my unease tends to manifest itself in being distant or passive aggressive. Ok, so I know it's no man's job to read a woman's mind, but my current SO can always tell when something's up, and will encourage me to talk about the issue. This makes for a much healthier/happier us.
  
  2). He's considerate and mature. Again, my ex isn't necessarily inconsiderate or immature, but growing up the way he did, he didn't have to be as self-sufficient as I was. He would still bring his laundry home on the weekends for his mom to do, and almost always had the financial means for a quick fix to any problem. When I talk to my current SO, I feel like he really hears me. He's prone to remember things I don't even recall telling him, and will never hesitate to jump up and help me with any menial chore. I'm currently in the process of moving, and have been stressed about packing all my stuff up, and he's told me on several occassions that if I want any help, all I have to do is ask. It doesn't sound like much, but just having him vocalize things like that means a lot to me.
  
  3). When there's a problem in the relationship, he really tries to change it. My ex was a big gambler, and for the whole time we were dating, it just wasn't something I ever got comfortable with. Try as I might to ignore it or tell myself I was getting worked up over nothing, the habit turned semi profession was a big reason for our eventual breakup. Luckily, I haven't had any huge lifestyle clashes with my current SO, but we did have a few communication problems early on. Being that he hadn't had a girlfriend in over a year, my SO wasn't used to having to let someone know where he would be and what he would be up to. Now before you accuse me of being overly clingy, I'm not talking a play-by-play, more just a heads up on when he'd be in or out of town. Not long after this initial hitch, I voiced my frustrations to him, and he's since made a lot of effort to keep me informed. We certainly don't go into all the details of what each other is doing, but having that idea of what's going on in his day-to-day life is comforting.
  
  Sure, there is such a thing as over comparison, but sometimes a little can be a good thing.
  
  What do you see when you compare your old or current SO's with one another?

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