Tuesday, 10 August 2010
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The Hardest Thing about Being a Single Woman in her 20's
I love waking up on Saturday mornings to such sweet silence in my apartment. I get out of bed. Go to the kitchen and make my cappuccino, first thing. My mocka pot, an Italian espresso maker for the stove top, makes just enough coffee for one person. And that is me.
If I feel up to it, I'll head to the coffee shop. If not, I'll stay and look at the Manhattan sky line. I cook, do laundry, and clean up after el numero uno...me. Everything seems to fit. I'm content. But society tries to tell me that I shouldn't be.
The familiar rant of a single woman is the difficulty in attending or avoiding activities clearly organized for couples. I, however, steer clear and avoid activities that are organized for groups of friends.
I'm single. Meaning, I don't need an entire posse to accompany me everywhere I go. And this, is the debacle of a single woman in the 20 something's.
Yesterday, a friend of mine made last minute plans to hang out. "Are you with a group of friends" he asked. Suddenly, I got that funny feeling in my tummy that overtakes me when I feel like an odd ball. "No, it's just me" I replied. I'm single and I don't run with a pack of other women, taken or single.
I'm not a hermit or homebody. But I will admit to a slight case of people phobia. Not to strum my violin or anything, but people have done me dirty. I have very little interest in them. I used to be a people person. Now, I'm a cyberspace person. I'm still cordial and friendly...but I'm not necessarily looking to make new friends either.
Another incident at the office the other day made me realize that maybe I have to blog about this issue. A colleague scrolled through several pictures of a road trip she went on with two other girls. I looked at their smiling faces and obvious excitement. I couldn't help but to think: "Who could I possibly take a trip across the country with like that?"
Most women can get along for small intervals of time. Every so often, we come across people who we have an instant connection with and we have no problem getting along with them. Well, my latter group has dissipated into the abyss of "going our separate ways". So, I still don't have a beau nor a posse of girls to travel with. I'm single and a 20 something.
If you're single, you're expected to have some core group of girlfriends that resemble the Sex & the City profile. The sitcom is funny to watch, but it's not one that I would want to live...at all. I'm single and I like it that way. I do have a coffee mocka that could make coffee for more than one should the event arise. But until then, I still enjoy waking up to such sweet silence.
Do other women in the 20 something's have the same issue? Are you single with a group of girlfriends or single in the most truthful sense of the word? Advice for my debacle?
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- From: EBailey@revelife
- Name: Eryn-Ashlei
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Comments (64)
I'm single in every sense of the word. I'll get invited to parties or clubs and they're always like "bring your girls" and I'm always left thinking "what girls? am I supposed to have girls? where would I have acquired them?" I quite introverted though, so it's just not my nature to spend loads of my time with other girls or even other people like normal people do. It's just so exhausting. I like (read: LOVE) my alone time. But I do believe in having a best friend... that is one nonnegotiable :)
i'm not single, but i don't have a core group of gal pals. i don't connect with girls as easily as i connect with guys, i only really one good girl friend and a few more fringe pals. mostly i have random friends from many different circles, so its always hard to make plans with all my friends, because they all run in different crowds..
I am not going to lie. I am commenting even before reading the post. The reason? If you think dating in your 20s is hard, you have a LONG way to go.
Dating in your late 20s is hard because all men think you want to meet someone and get hitched immediately, which means they think you will want commitment ASAP and that scares men.
Dating in your early 30s and men think you are ready to have your own kid any minute now, which means they have to propose to you quickly AND be ready to be a father in the next 30 seconds. That also scares men.
Dating in your mid to late 30s and men think you are making your last go before calling it quits which means you have NO expectation and so they think they can treat you like crap and still have you around.
Dating in general, sucks!
http://pillowchats.com
I honestly don't understand what you're trying to say here. One second you say that you "don't need a posse" and aren't a "people person" and the next you're saying there's nothing to do alone. When you get fed up with being by yourself, just make an attempt to make friends. Say something to the other girl in the shampoo aisle. Find work friends. Talk to anyone and everyone and it gets easier over time. To have a friend, you gotta be one. And that may mean occasionally going out for coffee with someone instead of luxuriating in your own apartment.
@pillowchats - No need for the disclaimer. Everyone reading your comment knows you didn't read her post before replying.
Having friends has nothing to do with being single or not.
Society doesn't say to exchange friends for a boyfriend when you get the guy. Society says that you shouldn't dump your friends for your boyfriend.
I only have one girl friend that I hang out with often. The rest of the people are guys.
I'm single living alone in my twenties who enjoys coffee as soon as I wake up too. I clean for myself, all my bills are mine and my responsibility alone, so on and so fourth. I even make special trips to my local pub independently of anyone else. I would NEVER trade this lifestyle for the married life.
I hear ya. I am also single in my 20's and I don't have a peck of girl friends I hang out with on a daily basis. I enjoy my own company and honestly, seeing the same faces every day would drive me crazy. Meeting up, say, once a week is fine, but more than that my friends and I would probably end up killing one another!
Love this post! Very thoughtful. I know in my own life, Facebook and Gchat have made communicating online much more prevalent than communicating in real life. Sometimes I talk to people online all day, but it's definitely not the same as chatting in person.
Also, I live in Brooklyn so I also appreciate looking at the Manhattan skyline :)
I hate the feeling of being alone when all my friends are with their SOs so I've built my friendships so that I always have someone to go to when on group of my friends is busy. I'm not super social but I hate the feeling of having NO ONE so I have a lot of "single reserve" friends.
I'm 21 and single. But I'll admit to be a hermit. I enjoy my time alone. I eat alone, shop alone, etc etc. Some of my female friends tend to carry too much drama (males too) and I hate spending too much time talking about their boyfriends and clothes and stuff. blag blah blah..I don't have that large girl clan. I would probably step in front of a bus to get anyway from them.
But at the same time I wouldn't mind have a boyfriend of girlfriend. I'm starting to question my ability to express emotions and want to prove to myself that I can do it and I can love someone. So for now I'm fine but if that person arrives I'll welcome them with open arms.
I have a small group of girls I love and then basically have an aversion to everyone else. :P I'm more of a cyberspace person too. :D
Yeah I know what you mean. I've got friends, sure, but we don't spend every minute with each other. In fact, sometimes I can go months without seeing some of my friends. We're all just.. busy.
I can relate too. I'm single and I don't have a posse of girl friends either. Back in high school I did, but since then we've all gone our separate ways. Now, I do have some really good friends, but we're not so close that we spend every minute of our lives together. Plus, they are all from different friend circles so it's hard to be with everyone at once. It doesn't help either that now I get along better with guys vs girls. I enjoy the time to myself, but sometimes the solitude does hit me when I want to have a fun night out or take a trip and can't figure out who to invite.
@pillowchats - .. i suppose you should've read the post first..
i love the girlpack, though.
I'm 22 and pretty much single. I had my group of girls that I always went out with but since graduation, we've drifted to different parts of the state. I hate that we can't get together as easily and have to make plans at least a month in advance to see each other.
I'm not single, BUT i don't have a girlpack. I find the overwhelming presence of girls to be slightly annoying and sometimes too dramatic for my tastes. Hence why I love my SO and his brothers.
I don't need a girlpack. I have my own little wolf pack
Single here. No bf or girlpack. But I do love doing things on my own. I split up with my group of girls way back in HS and frankly, I enjoy life without the drama, gossip, etc. I have a good guy friend and it's cool. I would welcome more friends - it'd be nice to have more options than one when choosing who to hang out with haha - but it's hard to find people who are of the same vein. I don't drink or go clubbing etc. which rules most people I know around my age out...
Im taken, but single when in comes to gal pals and what not. I mean there are people I know, and goto school with but when it comes to hanging out with a big group or movies with 4 or five other people it wont work for me. Ive had the bad experience of being backstabbed and let down enough that close friends really arent a big deal to me. Its not like I get along with guys better. Im just not really social. Its surprising im in a relationship at all. But as far as Im concerned Im completely happy with my semi loner lifestyle and it probably wont change for sometime.
@CelestDiggory@xanga - wolf pack! thats cute to me lol. I dont know why but it is :D
Definitely understand that feeling. Either your happily taken or your partying it up with your single girls. But there is never that medium in between, where you can just enjoy being alone.
Your post makes me so sad! Even when I had a boyfriend, I had a handful of very close friends. 2 I've known since gradeschool, 1 I've known since high school... and then a very small number of ladies I care to still be around in college.
Now that I'm single, we still hang out.
People have been pretty shitty in my life, too. I won't go into gory details, but let's just say I was in a sorority where a bunch of girls told lies and had me kicked out of my department and the education system, and I wasn't allowed to graduate.... but that doesn't mean I threw out all people and all my friends. I just steered clear of bitches I couldn't trust.
I am blessed with some of the best friends on the planet. They would kill for me, and I for them. They are some of the most incredible people I've ever met, and I'm privileged to know them. We're a family.
HOWEVER. Even my ladies know I like my alone time- because they like theirs. The boys I date get that too. There IS a middle ground.
I hope someday you experience that.
@Salivarysatisfaction - Me too. I vacation alone and I'm not sure I would want to go with other people DRAMA and people get moody and you can't do everything you want to...
@MadMarch@xanga - Bit of hostility in your commentary...Not sure where that's coming from. I am social and friendly. I'm actually very outgoing. I think you misunderstood what I'm saying here but thanks anyawy.