Sunday, 08 August 2010
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Romance is Dead
Do movies give us unrealistic expectations about romance? Ok LOVE The Notebook but at the same time I wish I could smash every copy in existence. No but seriously, can we all for a moment just step away from Disney World and face the music here. Does romance exist? Now I am talkin' REAL ROMANCE. Not taking someone to a surprise Red Lobster dinner or kissing them on the big screen at a baseball game.Those gestures are great and all, but does anyone really think outside the chocolate box anymore?
Why can't we hijack an ice cream truck and chase the one we love around town? Why can't we build their dream home? Why don't we even write love letters to people as opposed to ripping them up as soon as we write them?
It's because if we DO those things we are considered a stalker that needs to be institutionalized. But is it just me or doesn't love make you crazy? It makes you want to break every rule imaginable. So why are we expected to suppress these desires?
Do guys feel like they can't be romantic with chicks who have bitch, shit, and f*ckballs spilling out of their mouths every two seconds? Is it because girls tend to try to be one of the guys too much?
Or maybe technology has just desensitized us all. I think Shakespeare would be appalled at how we play video games where we run over prostitutes and then proceed to rob them. It's not "Romeo, Romeo where art thou Romeo?" Rather, it's more like "Yo douche bagel, where u at?" And I don't want a stupid winky face emoticon. I want the person in the FLESH.
....? Oh yea my heart is TOTALLY skipping. In fact, I want to go sing in the rain right now.......not.All I know is that I'm pretty sure I am waiting to be wooed by a man on a white stallion who will then ride with me into the sunset, as he whispers "I love you" in every language. Unrealistic? Maybe. But does that mean we have to be pessimistic?
So what the hell is going on here...are we all cynicists?
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Comments (98)
Romance isn't dead. I've had would-be suitors write me poetry, and my current boyfriend has sent me scented letters and fake roses in the mail without my request.
Many people aren't romantics--and it's always been that way. That's why it's so refreshing to meet romantics, and part of why they're so appealing.
You just have to find them. ;)
(Of course, you also have to have realistic expectations of what "romance" is.)
I've also received gifts in the form of poetry, chocolates and cards. I've had a few nice dates to plays and the opera.
But I agree w.@unabridgedtales@xanga - romantics are rare, it depends on the individual and the relationship.
I think you should read the post on mancouch for the difference between a guy and a man.
Excerpts from: The Douche Bag Guide To Romance. Chapter One: Women watch too much TV, so how to pretend you’re one of those I really care guys. Chapter Two: The holiday and birthday breakups (no gifts for you). Chapter Three: How to guilt her into paying for dinner and movies. Chapter Four: Why she sleeps with you and makes the sensitive guys wait. (Click here to
con't)Hahaa douche bagel... that made me laugh.
well done author!
But no... see, in my opinion, we ride on a very large misconception. We, for some reason, think that infatuation is synonymous with love. We sweet talk, we swoon, we buy the flowers, hold the doors, do all those cutesy things because we reside in some level of emotional connection and infatuation with the other person.
For the most part, I would theorize that LOVE... real, true love consists more of the hard times and work than the good times and fun. And that through those hard times and hard work that we invest in our relationship, that our love is actually fed and nourished... and really has very little to do with feelings or infatuations. I would say that feelings and infatuation can be a very large bi-product of being in love... however, I believe that love can very much so exist without those feelings and infatuation.
Ergo--
I stand VERY firm on the idea that love is not a feeling whatsoever, but rather a consistent choice and state of being. Our feelings for the person that we are "in love" with can change on a whim, on a word, or just by waking up on the wrong side of the bed. And you'll have to excuse me, but I'd hate for someone's loving investment in me and our relationship to be determined by their hormonal balance of the day.
HOWEVER -- with all that said...
You are right, that chivalry both on the mens and women's side of things have gone to bust. Half the time, we men get shit for holding the door for a woman or paying for dinner because you can walk through your own door or you're independent enough to pay for your own dinner. And while all of that is very true, i find it harder and harder to get flowers, or chocolates, or plan out a huge special evening because when the small things get declined then why would I think that the big ones wouldn't?
Its ends up being a vicious cycle ... women have a call for real men.. .the kind of guy that is willing to be chivalrous and do all of the 'sweep me off my feet' kind of things much less just being a good and decent guy... and when you all you find is guys that get drunk of natty lite and sit on his ass and ends up being some heartless moron that inevitably breaks your heart because he never really cared in the first place -- well then of course you end up being some version of a man hater with a jaded history, not trusting or letting anyone in
And then every now and again, we men have a call for a real woman... The kind of girl who DOESN'T have more testosterone than me. Sure its nice to have a girl that can hang with the guys, but when she's a chain smoking, beast that can make most sailors blush with a clever use of her vernacular, then you'll have to understand if that makes it hard to induce the inner knight in shining armor in me -- Well then of course I dont find much care, respect or desire to be any version of a decent guy to the woman who values her feminist values over the inherent worth of me another human being
Its a vicious cycle... its just a matter of who breaks and gives first
I don't want that mushy mushy crap. I just want something that's real.
Romance is dead, and hook-up culture killed it.
Thanks to Twilight, Romance isn't Dead--it's UN-dead.
I agree that people should be more creative in how they express themselves to a partener. Your ice cream truck idea would make for a more interesting world...
it's definitely not dead but we expect too much and fuck it up every possible way we can because we're scared it's not going to turn out the way we want it to.
Romance is not dead but I know in my own life it becomes deadened or dormant because females want it in the beginning but havent decided if they like you yet, so you start pouring out your heart and then they decide they dont like you that way and just want to be friends. Forget the times you called her on the phone, you bought her flowers on the first date, or made your first date special cause you remembered something(s) she liked.
It all goes down the freakin drain.
I am a romantic but dont expect me to spend the money, time, or emotions on you unless you have told me you feel something for me as well. It is too hard to be that open and then have the door shut in your face, even figuratively speaking. I want to be romantic but you have to wait for it to come naturally out of your guy, not something forced prematurely too early and in odd-unrealistic ways
I think that in general, there is a lot less dating and courting these. Romance in itself, the mushy gushy stuff, I personally don't want a ton of that, but I would love a man to want more than to have me be just one of the several girls he's hooking up with. I wish that chivalry and romance were still out there. They just don't seem to be.
One horrible October evening, I had come home discouraged from student teaching. My boyfriend called me and said, "I brought you something from my field trip to Chicago." Lo and behold, after visiting the Newbery Library, he had found time to bring me back a gourmet Red Velvet cupcake from a place downtown. That was more romantic than any Large Gesture from any crappy romantic novel. I was feeling down, and he surprised me with something simple and sweet.
True romance exists. We just forget it because we're so hung up on poetry and roses and other cliches that can kill perfectly good relationships. What is it you like the most? What makes you happiest? Maybe instead of a rose and a sonnet, what you really want from your SO is a homemade meal...or maybe that's just me. My point is, we don't all need to be living out of The Notebook or Twilight to be experiencing TRUE romance.
@superGchik@xanga - Definitely.
I don't think of myself as a romantic but I still do things that could be considered romantic (or crazy depending how you look at it). Building handmade gifts with unexpected suprises inside, writing poetry/songs, waiting all night in the rain for someone, etc. But the funny thing is if you're doing it to someone who genuinely likes you back it's considered romantic, but if the person either no longer likes you or never was interested in the first place you can do all the same things and be classed as a creepy, psycho person. It's hard to judge where the line is drawn sometimes. Things that work in movies rarely work in real life though, which is kind of sad. Not that they should always work, but should at least be acknowledged for the thought and effort, rather than just quickly going to "Oh my gosh what a creeper." Sigh heh.
@Doubledb@xanga - See I'm the complete opposite from the "females" you described, I DON'T want the guy to be overly romantic in the beginning, because I feel bad for him investing his energy in something that might not work out. However, I would like it if he was romantic after a few months of being in a relationship, but it's funny because it never works out like that for me. The guy is alway buying me giant stuffed animals and movie tickets before we even start dating and then once we're officially together, BAM, "you hold your own damn door!".
My boyfriend isn't very romantic, he did get me flowers on our 1 year anniversary though, I thought that was sweet. Anyway, since he doesn't do anything romantic for me, I try to do romantic things for him, hoping he'll take a hint. He hasn't yet though, lol.
I know that, for me and my girlfriend, it's because neither of us want anything that you listed here. It's all bs to me.
I'm usually the girly girl that keeps the romance alive. if he is one of those guys that thinks it is crazy to like fairytales or cringes at romantic gestures, then he isn't my type.
That's interesting. I don't think my boyfriend has done many super romantic things for me. Except he has done one major one. He moved from Texas to California just to be with me. I guess that's pretty romantic. I shouldn't complain, but I agree. I know what you mean.
@HollowTendencies@xanga - well, thanks for being one of the sane ones, too bad you got one of those guys who show you some love/romance and then stops short. however, I think in general people seem to take the things and people they have in their life for granted after some times. I hope things turn around for you.
@SodomyClown@xanga - Agreed.
Personally, I'm happy with a dozen roses and the occasional free dinner that my boyfriend gives me. But I'm not high maintance though, so...
it's definitely not dead at all. we just have to be more creative.
It exists. My boyfriend and I were long distance when we first started dating. One night he drove over two hours on our "6 month anniversary" without my knowledge, and was waiting in my driveway with a dozen red roses when I got home from work late at night. He had to get up really early in the morning, and he knew he could only see me for a couple minutes then had to leave for the drive back, but still drove all that way for that special and unexpected moment. We're still together a year and a half later. Oh, and he totally brought me chicken soup once when I was sick. It was the cutest thing.
Romance doesn't have to be extravagant things. Those simple sweet gestures really show that he really cares and wants to make me happy. He also packed us a surprise picnic before at a park with my five favorite fruits mixed together, then we walked with an umbrella in the rain, kissed in the rain, etc. It's the greatest. I do believe the movies do give us higher expectations than we should have.. but there ARE guys out there that are romantics who are willing to fulfill those expectations. Thinking about that brings back good memories.
Romance is dead simply because sex has become so commercialized. Sex is no longer "making love", it's having sex with as many people as you can because it makes you cool.
romance is very much alive. you just need to find someone who will do it... who feels enough for you to do it. and then, you have to do it too.