Friday, 06 August 2010
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I Love My Boyfriend... And Everything He Buys Me!
My go-to person for all things relationships related is my best friend, who is dating one of my boyfriend's good friends. And the best part is that our relationships are so different that I always have something to learn and to consider. One great difference between our relationships is how much money is spent.My best friend and her boyfriend decided when they first started dating that they wouldn't spend a lot of money on each other. She just wasn't comfortable with it, and he agreed. On the other hand, I love buying gifts for people, so I never mind spending money on my boyfriend. And the same goes for my boyfriend. Whenever he sees something that is yellow (my favorite color) or a book by my favorite author, or his, he doesn't hesitate to buy it for me. Even though I didn't like him spending money on me in the beginning, it's something that I've come to accept it because providing for me the things that I may want makes him feel more as the man.
So when it came up and I asked my friend about what she thought of my boyfriend's spending, she said, "At least you don't love him because he buys you things... you know, there are girls like that."
Because money has never been an issue to me, it's only natural that the amount that a person spends on me doesn't impress or woo me. But I realize that not everyone is like that. Some girls love dating rich guys, and of course we have a name for them: gold diggers. But I'm not talking about a bonafide golddigger, girls who shamelessly go after rich guys for the benefits. There are girls, I mean, who just love receiving gifts from their boyfriends.
It all comes down to how we receive and perceive love. Because some people translate gifts into affection and love, when they crave for a sign of their SO's love for them, they want, well, a gift. Of course there are other ways that people perceive love, like through verbal affirmation or through physical means. So I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing that people translate a gift into a measure of love, if that's how they're wired.
While I do appreciate and love all the things that my boyfriend may give to me as gifts, I don't by any means use those to measure how much he may or may not love me. But I realize that not everyone is like that.
What about you? Do you love it when your SO gets you gifts or are you uncomfortable with it? Do you perceive love and affection through gifts?
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About the Author
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- From: michellenose@lovelyish
- About Me: A college student in New York City trying to catch up after spending a year in Paris. Interests include all things fashion, books, travel, and honeybees.
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Comments (33)
I enjoy receiving gifts from my boyfriend, but I feel awkward about it sometimes because I don't have as much spending money as he does and cannot afford to pay him back.
I like getting little things sometimes, but I don't like when people spend money on me. It makes me feel weird and I don't think that I deserve it. I like buying things for people though.
I enjoy my husbands little gifts he brings to me LOL and the pretty rock he brings home, when he is out walking by the lake I think those are the best of all
I WANT FREE STUFF! fml. Oh well guess, I'll have to get a job.
I hate that because then you "owe" them.
I don't like when my boyfriend spends money on me even for dinner. I live at home, have a job, and my parents pay for my car and school. My job is mostly just to have money for shopping and messing around. I don't pay for anything except gas. To be fair, for the last two years I was living away from home and paying for my own rent, gas, groceries, utilities, and a few other things. I decided to move home to save money. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is working a minimum wage job, lives on his own, can't afford a car or to go to school. So, I would prefer if he would just save his money on not spend it on me. I do like when he gives me gifts though. They always make me smile. His gifts are usually flowers, drawings/paintings, and songs. So they just make me happy because they seem so thoughtful.
I like getting flowers as a surprise. I want him to buy me something without my asking for it. Maybe I'll be like "ooh I wish I had that!" and he'd buy it for me a few weeks later just as a token of his affection. But I don't want to be that girl who equates how much my boyfriend loves me with how much stuff he buys me.
my bf and i help each other out, but neither one of us have been able to afford "presents" for each other...not in the normal, tangible sense anyway.
@darkblinds@xanga - fml aussi.
I enjoy the little gifts and big gifts that he buys me..it could be something simple like getting me dinner ; etc; or something big..I don't really mind it honestly. It's very sweet and endearing lol though I did send in a post where I discussed how my bf buys me everything I want even if I mentioned it briefly. He just wants me happy.
if he buys me a gift from the heart on his own, then I like those types of gifts. if he asks me what I want or I tell him exactly what I want in a list, then I don't like those insincere bossy gifts.
My boyfriend gets 25/hr while I get minimum wage...so he doesn't expect me to spend alot on him for bdays/holidays...however since he does have the extra cash and know I couldnt afford things myself..he likes to buy me nicer presents (kate spade purse, longchamp bag, etc.)
He also likes to surprise me...we were in BCBG and i tried on this scarf but i couldnt afford a 50$ scarf (would take me ALL day to make that money at min wage...) I walked away from it, and went to the next store. He went back to bcbg and bought me the scarf while I was in the dressing room and surprised me with it because he hated to see me walk away from somethign I really liked.
anyways, I guess the point im trying to make is that its not about the gifts, its about the thought he puts into them. I'd be happy with only hand made cards (which he does make!)!
my very first bf ever, now my ex, was always great about giving gifts for every occasion and any other day. i was so spoiled being with him but it got tiring because if we got into fights, without saying i'm sorry and meaning it and coming from his mouth, it would come in lavish gifts and i became so annoyed by it. my last ex never really gave me anything as a gift. i mean we would send care packages back and forth but the older i get, the more i don't need gifts anymore. though i would always give gifts to him because i like to do that.
Him showing me affection would translate into me wanting him to get me a Ring Pop. Completely serious :P
I usually pay for our dates, and he doesn't mind. Money isn't a problem with us. He's come to accept the fact that, no matter what he says or does, I'll get him his favorite snackie on a good day or take him on a date just for the heck of it.
@Absinthe_De_Faustine@xanga - yup, life sucks for the single, especially when all the couples rub it in- haha but no hard feelings =)
when my ex used to give my gifts, it was because he was just trying to butter me up for something stupid he did.
i like everythings he buys me even tho a pack of tissue or sth :D
my boyfriend is often bringing gifts home for me. honestly, i wish he would just use that money to take me somewhere. i mean, just spend some quality time with me or something. i think he feels like the gifts make up for something in the relationship. but they don't. i guess because like you said, i don't feel love that way, it's not my "language". but he doesn't get that. but on some level, i appreciate the effort nonetheless.
one of the five love languages is "gifts". i suppose both you and your boyfriend score highest in that category. as long as it works both ways for you, that's great
My boyfriend has only bought me a couple gifts, but whenever we are together he buys everything so I have never had to pay. My gifts are more in the form of me going "Oooh! Thats neat!" and him going "Okay, get it babe :)"
I love receiving gifts but also, I think it's important that they don't be gifts that cost a lot of money. Once, a boyfriend bought me a dress he knew I really wanted but because it had to be shipped to the States it was really expensive. While I loved the dress, it made me uncomfortable that he spent so much on me. Maybe, because I couldn't spend that much on him. But it also made me feel like I owed him something.
I love when he gets me little things "just because," and I love doing the same for him, but I both feel awkward opening gifts at specified holiday gift-giving occasions and trying to pick something for those occasions to gift him with. Idk, maybe I'm weird. I just feel like there's more pressure involved on holidays and such, whereas "just because" gifts no one else knows or cares so there's no anxiety.
I would feel obligated to make sure we were equal, cost-wise.
sucks being single. no gifts at all D:
I absolutely love surprising people and giving gifts, but-now that I'm older-receiving them is an entirely different story. My fiance loves being able to pay for my dinner, my gas if we take my car anywhere, and buy me little things to surprise me every once in a while. He would even try to do this before we were dating-pay for my taco bell, movie ticket, mini-golf...it was really awkward and confusing at the time because, despite all the obvious signs, I was still convinced that he couldn't possibly have any interest in me. And he, thinking the same thing about me, just told me that he always offered to pay for friends. I had no job at the time and was paying for school, so I completely fell for that explanation. But I hated it, I've always hated feeling like I owe anybody anything. I even hate showering at other people's houses, because I feel like I owe them water and shampoo-lol.
I remember complaining to my brother about this, after my fiance and I had only been dating for a couple weeks. His response was "Live with it. He's gonna buy your engagement ring, you know." I laughed it off at the time, but he was exactly right. Now that there's a clear commitment there, I'm more comfortable and ok with him buying me things, within reason of course. We're going to be sharing expenses in less than a year anyway, so there's not really much point in stressing over who pays for what now. Especially since it makes him feel good. And he does make more money than I do, plus his parents are paying for all his school. But I buy him gifts too, it's not all one-sided. So we balance each other out, I guess. And I've even come to enjoy it a little more now. I know it makes him happy to give me things that I like, because he cares about me, and I really do appreciate the gesture.