Thursday, 05 August 2010

• 5 Types of the "Big O" for Guys (aka “Brogasm”)

  
  It’s last call, and he just ordered another round of shooters.

  An hour ago, you had your pick of the litter – The Teacher, The Aussie, The Guy Who Looks Like James Van Der Beek – but as the scene wore down and the prime meat paired off for the night, only the bros remained.

  Now, your suitor’s frayed cap isn’t so annoying, and the Calvin Klein Eternity soaking his undershirt has mellowed, just slightly.

  So, you think to yourself, maybe hooking up with a bro wouldn’t be so bad…

  But before you jump into bed, you should know what to expect. Every bro falls into one of five brogasm categories:

  • The Screamer

  This bro will wake the neighbors.

  When he finishes, you’ll think he won the Super Bowl. He’s running a personal highlight reel in his mind, and this climax is the crowning achievement of his career.

  His primal roar will echo through the Hook-Up Hall of Fame. 

  • The Red-Faced Mute

  Can’t… speak… …so…  close… so… mmm… mmMM… MMMMMMM… *silence*… *sleep*

  • Giggles McGee

  He’ll finish, while giggling like a school girl. (“It tickles!”)

  Sadly, the joke’s on you. He’s laughing at how easy it was to get into your pants. And it really does tickle.

  • The Freezer

  A variation on The Red-Faced Mute, this bro will lock up upon completion.

  He’ll go rigid all-over, and flop onto his back, periodically shuddering.

  Any attempt to caress or stroke The Freezer will result in him shriveling into the fetal position.

  • The Little Engine That Couldn’t

   Studies show that 88% of bros have – on at least one occasion – failed to culminate their intercourse with orgasm.

  Your encounter with this type of brogasm will be the least satisfying of all.

  Fortunately, it has nothing to do with you. Your bro can’t finish because you’re a real-live woman, as opposed to a whore-for-hire on his computer screen.

  Kick this bro out of bed, and tell him to scram. Unless, that is, he’s willing to focus his attention on you, for a change…

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