After reading stateofhart's most recent post about hickeys, I was reminded of a humorous event that happened to me around Valentine's Day. I was about to sleep with my ex-boyfriend (Nick, who now wants to purchase a motorcycle to increase his attractiveness) for the first time, and I was thrilled! We started kissing, and he whispered something in my ear (oh how I love ear whispering...)
Nick: Sally... you know what would be super hot?
Sally:
(thinking) Oh God, please don't ask to smell my shoes. No, what?
Nick: If you gave me a hickey... right... (he pointed to his hip bone) there.
Sally: Oh! Ha! Okay! Sure!
And I descended. For a couple of seconds, I stared at his hip bone. I suppose I appeared to be checking out the area to ensure maximum hickey potential, but really I was thinking:
shit, I haven't the first God damn idea how to give a hickey. You suck, right? Like, you just... suck? Okay... I'm down... I mean, I can do this! This isn't rocket science, people on MTV reality shows do this all the time... So I put my lips to his hip bone, and performed something that to him must have felt something like that soft, yet uncomfortable and frightening feeling when a horse eats carrots off of your flat palm. I left some unattractive puddle of drool (which I swiftly wiped away) and turned to him.
Sally: So, you may have noticed that I haven't the foggiest idea how to give a hickey.
Nick: Yeeeaahhh. Clearly.
Sally: I'm so sorry.
Nick: Dude, no big deal!
And everything went well. We went about our business that night (which, may I say, went quite well), and never spoke of the hickey incident again. Of course, it was all I thought about for several days.
The next day, I did everything I could: I asked my friends how to give a hickey. Their responses ranged from the teasing, "Are you serious?" to the ever-helpful, "You just... I don't know, suck. Hard, I guess."
So I did what I was dreading: I YouTubed "How to Give a Hickey."
Spoiler: the video was not helpful.
After weeks of trying to give myself hickeys on my arm, and considering attempting to give my roommate a hickey while she was sleeping (which would have ended rather badly, since she was so prudish that I recall having to yell "I'M BECOMING NAKED" so that her retinas wouldn't have burned at the sight of my bare skin), I gave up.
Months later, Nick and I had been broken up, but we were still (and are still, might I add) great friends. But, after a little too much hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps (try it, but with caution), we had a bonus night. We fell quickly asleep after our brief moment of togetherness, and I later awoke in his arms. I hugged him goodbye and went home.
Ten minutes later, I received the following text message:
Nick: You have got to be fucking kidding me.
Sally: Did you just realize that we had sex?
Nick: Haha, no. You gave me an absolutely titanic hickey.
Sally: REALLY?! YES!!
Nick: NO. NO. BAD. I have work in two hours.
Ah, drunken Sally, aka "hickey fairy": you appear rarely, but when you do, you bring about ultimate destruction.
Has anyone else ever had an issue giving a hickey?
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Comments (42)
hahaha well written and a great little story :p what a gem your ex is hahaha
Very cute, very funny. Maybe your claim to fame can be a world-famous "hickey how-to" pamphlet. :P
It would be a bit difficult to give a hickey on a hip bone, so I can see why just sucking didn't work. Sometimes you got to bite a little. I've never had problems giving hickeys. I've given them way too much, and received them way too many times. Even this year I've gotten a lot and I'm 20 years old.
Good job on the drunken hickey.
Nice :)
i would've been more upset that i was sleeping with someone that called me "dude".
awww! i love those kind os awkward first time stories that still make you cringe when you think about them. (not mine personally but others peoples lol)
First time I was with a guy, I gave him SEVERAL hickeys by accident. I didn't know it would be that easy to do! He had to wear collard shirts for a week...
i only ever give hickeys on accident, with one exception.
there was this utter douchebag who was cheating on his girlfriend with one of my best friends and telling her all the usual "i'll break up with my gf" crap that cheaters so love to spout. one night she'd finally had enough, and asked me (why me and not someone else, i'll never know) to do something about it. so i went to a party where i knew he was, got him alone in a corner and gave him a ginourmous hickey on the side of his neck. by the next morning his gf had seen it and broken up with him, so i feel that it was a rather successful venture. my friend and i laugh about it still :P
Gently use your teeth, gently XD
I never had a problem with giving hickeys {although I have been complained at for scratching} but I have received some fairly terrible ones. One night involved vodka, cap'n moes and a wrestling match gone awry, my stepmom noticed that one, so did my current boyfriend the First time we ever met. The second also involved vodka, and a couple I'm friends with. I went to work and worked All the next day before someone called me out on the necklace she'd left behind :p Ironically the only two people to have Ever marked me have been women.
haha, how amusing :D
I don't know how to give a hickey either. I thought I was the only one.
lolol. Ok, here's what you do; take enough skin between your teeth, whatever amount you want for the size of the hickey. Bite fairly hard, but not so hard it's uncomfortable for the other. Then suck. Hard. & keep licking at the skin. It will bruise.
=P
Hahaha my poor ex. The two of us when we first started hooking up like rabbits aaalways had hickeys. Not awkward at all.
haha that's pretty funny. i enjoyed the ending.
I wish I had that problem!
I CANT FIGURE IT OUT EITHER :( ahha ive tried a billion times and it just never works!
LMAO I love this story
My boyfriend and I did make out and I guess I sucked a little too hard on his neck. He had been filming a project with his friends that was supposed to take place in one day even though they had to film it over several. Well when he went to his friends house the next morning there was a giant purple and red hickey on his neck thanks to moi! I was so embarrassed but he said it was cool.
haha well u accomplished what u wanted, good job
haha this was the cutest story.
When I was in 4th grade this kid in my class told my friends and I about hickeys and how you could try to do them on your own arms to see what they look like. So I owe my hickey skills to that year ;) lol
@StillNotaPrettyGirl@xanga - agreed... lol
This is cute.
Peppermint Schnapps always kicks my ass. I love it.
As far as hickey giving goes - with my first bf, I gave them all the time. Not so much with mycurrent bf, though. We both agreed that we just prefer biting to sucking AND biting.
Best of luck! :D I hope your sober self figures it out.
hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps
good choice
great story ever :')