I've been reading all these posts about women getting emotionally attached to men after sex. It's not fair that men can get their pleasure then move on to the next one and we ladies have to suffer the
fake feelings of love that result when we act on our feelings of lust. People want to be loved, who doesn't? I don't know about you, but I almost always get attached after each and every hookup. This becomes a problem when the feeling isn't mutual. It hurts me because I know the guy probably doesn't feel as connected to me.
But hookups still make me feel good--during the night of course.
They give me a temporary feeling of love or more accurate, like. I think hookups do help fill the void by making me feel happy and warm inside (for the moment at least). In the absence of a boyfriend, hookups give me the sense of attachment, fulfillment and love that my lonely self seeks.
But when the hookups end, I'm left with a feeling of emptiness. So what do you think? Do hookups help fill the void?
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Comments (44)
of course they don't fill the void. i know a lot of people that keep having hookups and feel worse about themselves every time they do it. i don't get it.
Here's a thought... how about you just don't hook up? Do something else that makes you happy.
No, bc hook ups are hook ups. You're there to "hook up" and not have someone cater to your feelings of feeling wanted and needed. Maybe you will feel wanted and needed at the moment, but it's only a sexual want and need; not the want and need you are looking for in a relationship.
nothing fills the void, we're all empty.
its a quick fix that fails every time. i've only done a "hookup" sit once, and i pretty much hated myself for weeks afterwards. .. .. so, yeah it doesn't work. like yourself cause your awesome not cause someone wants to sex you for a night.
Hooking up temporarily gives you that "loved" feeling and fills a void for a short time. When you come down off that high though, a lot of times you just feel shitty. However, it's not all in your head that you feel attached or loved -- don't forget about Oxytocin, the hormone that is released by men and women during the big O. Some experts call it the "attachment" hormone, and this probably plays a part in what you feel during/after hooking up.
I think to fully enjoy hook-ups both during and after you just have to think like a boy. Go ahead and have that internal dialogue where you remind yourself, "After tonight, he and I have no obligation to one another and I will not grow attached under any circumstance."
i really don't think that hookups fill the void. like some people have said, only temporarily if at all. i think it's an illusion that people place upon themselves. plus, if you are really looking for a relationship, hooking up isn't the best way to go about it. cuz it just tells the other person that you're easy. if you give up your body, so to speak, easily, people will take advantage of that. unfortunately, but there are those people out there.
plus, as a guy, meeting a girl who has a high number of guys they've hooked up with is not attractive. sure she has "experience" but you don't need experience for a relationship to be great and work out.
don't hook up with random people just because you think they are sexy, and then ask why you don't have a bf or gf.
I've never had any hook ups so my opinion probably won't matter but I can only assume that it doesn't help fill the void. I rather just stay single until a right guy comes along and pursue a loving and affectionate relationship with him instead of hooking up with random guys only to build up your emotions and then it get smashed because he doesn't feel the same way about you. If every person engaging in a "hook up" knows that there are no feelings involved and it's only intended to be 10 minutes of fun then they don't really have a right to get upset or hurt if it turned out to be something more than what they expected. A temporary void might feel nice for that moment but it won't compare to how you'll feel after the moment has come and gone.
Hookups help fill the void in the time and you can look forward to them but honestly... I think they make the in-between time worse. This guy I've been talking to and I hook up fairly frequently but after each time, I get more and more sad that my feelings for him are way stronger than his for mine. I hate it. I think that it's probably best to try to avoid hooking up as much as possible. I mean, there are guys I've hooked up with who I've felt nothing for but if you're having the problem where you feel something for almost everyone... I think a break might be good. Try knitting or journaling or just hanging out with friends. That way you'll be more likely to find your own. I know from experience... hooking up won't get you there. <3
it fills the void temporarily which is good enough for me.
@Royal_Ranger@xanga - I get why it's unattractive -- as a girl, I sort of called it quits (perhaps unfairly) with another girl because of this statistic -- but I hate the double-standard that guys can play the field before "settling down" and girls never have any developmental wiggle room to do the same.
I dont really get attached to guys quickly. Sometimes though, there are some guys that I like, end up hooking up, and then feel more attached afterwards, but that's very rare for me. As long as I get frequent hookups and there isnt a huge time gap between a guy from another guy, I feel A-OK!
Hookups are usually just a breeding ground for neurotic insecurities... awesome.
it fills the sexual void... but not the emotional void
The ironic thing about hookups is that they may fill a void at the time, but in the process they are creating an even BIGGER void. It's a vicious cycle.
The issue is not whether the hook-ups fill the void. It's your inner loneliness. You want to feel loved, even momentarily. Even if you tell yourself it's just for the sex, it's not. Sex for women especially is connected to feeling loved. Explore the issue of your loneliness, and you won't need to hook up to feel that anymore - you will feel fulfilled and loved without it. Because the simple truth is, you're never alone, and until you find that, you'll always feel like you have to be with someone in order not to be lonely. Just as you can be lonely in a crowd, you can feel very loved and be completely by yourself.
I think it might fill the void for a couple minutes or hours. But once it's all said and done, you're still empty and missing a piece that you think you need.
I don't know... having never done it, my opinion is also probably null and void. But I kinda like the idea of being able to have a short period of fun rather than years of absolutely nothing. Doing something to kill your loneliness is way better than just doing nothing and waiting for something to come along, right?
It looks more promising than whatever the hell I'm doing now. Which is nothing.
I've gone through the same thing but with the hope it wasn't just that... but I guess sometimes we should know better... but after the sex they never really stick around and we're left with nothing ...
obv. not
I think it's possible they fill the void...I know when I was hooking up with a guy for a year and a half or so I felt fulfilled the whole time and allowed myself to pursue other guys and everything. But then again I'm not sure if I had feelings for him much during that time, whereas he had feelings for me, so I don't know. I felt wanted though, if that makes sense.
I think hook-ups def fill the void. They are my "go-to" in between relationships. It's important to just always remember what the hook-up is and what it is not. Will something develope? maybe. ..but that shouldnt be what the hook-up is for. I liked the way you worded the temporary feeling it gives you, I am right there with you, girl!
try ecstasy
Hook ups do help fill the void for just that moment, and that moment alone. At some point you have to realize that you aren't going to be happy continuing this, trying to find love only to feel completely empty inside after you realize it was only a hook up. I have been there, done that. I thought that maybe I would find someone to love me and want to be with me if I hooked up, but I slowly realized that while I was feeling loved for the moment, after it was done I felt even more empty than I started out feeling. It's a shitty feeling =/