1) Thou shalt not go commando in high school gym class.
This will inevitably be result in thine being pantsed and subsequently humiliated in front of the cute freckled boy who was watching you stretch.
2) Thou shalt not go commando in a skirt if its hem falls above the kn
ee. This will surely result in a Britney Spears-esque accidental flashing scenario that results in your being nicknamed “beaver” by your peers. If thou art unsure of thine skirts possibly too short hemline, thou shalt bend over in front of a mirror or in front of a trusted friend, and see if thine nethers peek out.
3) Thou shalt not go commando while expecting a visit from Auntie Flow.
No one likes a stained petticoat!
4) If going commando daily, thou shalt wash thine pantaloons extremely frequently.
5) Thou shalt always go commando at night.
Give thine whispering eye a chance to bask in the freedom of a panty-less home!
6) Thou shalt appreciate the health benefits of an underwear-free bottom
: thou art less likely to get various types of common female infections while going commando (if, of course, thou adheres’t to commandment four).
7) Thou shalt trim or shave thy lady hair whilst going commando, lest thou catch a tuft of hair in thine zipper and have the female version of a Something About Mary moment.
(Caveat: directly after shaving, avoid going commando for a day or so—sensitive skin tends to itch at this point in time, and said angry skin will become even angrier if rubbed up against jeans)
8) Thou shalt not go commando whilst embarking upon a long journey
. Whether on a horse, camel, or iron sky bird, sitting for a long period of time can result in some unpleasant chaffing if thou art new to the world of commando.
9) Always go commando if thine pantaloons are tight or dark-colored
—it’s the best way to ensure a no-pantyline scenario!
10) Never go commando in white pantaloons.
Note: commandments 1 and 2 were definitely not learned from experience... Do you like to go commando?