I've always complained about not having a boyfriend. I dated guys in junior high when romantic gestures included him walking me to class, holding my hand during entire basketball games, and letting me wear his jersey. Standing outside of first hour talking about last night's homework was pretty much the extent of our conversations. That particular relationship (my first) actually lasted 5 months. I dated 4 other guys in junior high. But other than that, I've always been the single girl.
I spend way too much time looking for love and falling for the wrong guys. When I like someone, I like them for a long time. It's devastating when I find out they don't like me back. Guys that are interested in me have tried telling me that I shouldn't waste my time on the other guys. They tell me how great I am, ask me to hang out, and text me out of the blue, which is essentially what I want a boyfriend to do, but no they are never good enough for me.
It really is true that we want what we can't have. I love the chase, then I lose interest. There are a few guys right now who have been showing interest in me, but I can't tell if they really care about me or if they just want to get in my pants. I guess I wouldn't mind having some friends with benefits/casual flings, but I don't want to get emotionally attached if that's all they are.
I have gone on two dates recently, both with the same guy. He is very nice, has a good personality, and is pretty cute. He treats me like a princess. I'm just not feeling it though. There were no first date sparks or feelings of like like. I kinda feel like I'm telling myself to be into the guy because I'm very picky when it comes to dating. But why should I force something when the feelings aren't there?
I know the guy is definitely into me. He reached for my hand during the car ride and gave me a pretty long goodnight kiss. He also directly told me he liked me and that I'm a cool girl. He mentions future dates and texts me almost everyday. I have not been the one to text first and I don't say much to him, which is unlike me. I am usually the first to text a guy I like and I've even done the double text if I don't get a response. My face lights up when the guy I like texts me first, but not when this guy texts me. I'm trying to tell myself to go with the flow and keep going on dates with him, but I don't think it's fair to drag him on when I could think of other guys I'd rather be out with.
There's nothing wrong with this guy. I can't think of specific reasons why I don't like him, but I just don't
like him like him. Like I said before, there's no sparks--no connection, for me at least. I've felt more into guys I've made eye contact with while walking into a room than I feel with this guy.
Just because he's there and he's into me shouldn't mean I should settle. I'd rather continue living the single life until I find a guy who gives me butterflies. I want to find Mr. Right (don't we all?). I want to be pursued. I want to fall madly in love. I want to have a real relationship full of lust and love. I want to love and be loved. But I'm willing to be boyfriend-less until I feel this way on my own. I don't need a superficial relationship. It's like I'm going through the motions just to check "get a boyfriend" off my list.
What do you think I should do? How do you feel about having a boyfriend just to have one? If you were me, would you keep hanging out with this guy and pretending to feel something, or would you tell him you're just not that into him?
Recommend
Comments (30)
If you have to ask, then you know the answer. No. You shouldn't do something "just to have it" that's just hard on both parties. That'd be like buying a puppy just to say you have one, but not really caring about it.
You should definitely not have a boyfriend just to HAVE one. He probably has different intentions. If he's really into you and you guys date for awhile, how long until you break it off? You could completely break his heart and he'll be devastated... All because you wanted a boyfriend just to have one. It's not right to put him through all that.
In all reality, it's mean to string this guy along if you're not feeling it. He deserves someone who genuinely likes him; we all do. Plus, why waste your time if you know that's not what you want?
I used to do, well actually I kind of still do that whole "force myself to go out with him" thing. But it always falls short in the end. Dont settle for anyone, if you dont like him like that, tell him. Because its not fair to him or you. If its been 2 dates and still nothing, you wont ever feel anything for him. Give another guy a try.
If you already like another guy then you should let this one know and break things off. That doesn't mean you can't be friends and continue to hang out, but you should tell him that you aren't interested in a relationship with him.
That's like eating when you're bored. It's not healthy and, in the long run, you wish you really didn't. So instead of taking a bite out of the Boyfriend Cake of life, find some tasty veggie Friends. Unless the cake offered is super delicious and a great overall person, don't take the sweets out of the oven early. You're emotions won't be able to handle all that undercooked sugar.
But I'm just babbling.
I've honestly done this before, and I'm not too happy about it.Boys turn into real jerks after relationships that really didn't mean much to me. Usually because they found out I was half-hearted most of the way.
After reading the title, I didn't bother to read the post. Why would you want a boyfriend just for the hell of it? For shits and giggles? Why not just remain single and date? Whether you're in a relationship or a marriage, it should have a purpose, a meaning. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone I didn't care about because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings because I'm too nice to think of my own. I know I would feel like a complete dumbass if I was in a relationship with someone who didn't want to be with me and because they felt bad for me. How would you feel?
I agree with most of the comments here...what's the point of having a bf just to have one? It's like you don't have a mind of your own (no offense, but making a point here) and need to follow what everyone else does. Having a bf just because gets you in worse trouble than anything and will hurt you in the long run. It's better to have a bf because you love that guy, instead of following the crowd.
@live_for_love@xanga - I agree. I don't see the point in having a boyfriend just because you can if they don't mean a lot to you. It wouldn't be fair to the guy. If you know it's not someone you really want to be with because you like/love/care about them, then you'll both just be hurt in the end and you'll be in the same position you are now. Why not wait for someone who you actually want to be with 100%?
Complaining about being single and being very picky with choosing partners at the same time? Perhaps you are not at as desirable as you think you are and the people whom you have interest in are going for the better deal?
You know beggars can't be choosers... Just go for him and be bored and taken care of or go with an alpha-male/player and fall in love and get crushed when he finds someone new shortly after he gets bored with you. It's your choice.
Of course my
response, like everyone else's is "well no, that's so stupid", but I'll
be honest, I've felt this way before... twice actually. The first
boyfriend I had was like this. I only went out with him because I was 17
and never had boyfriend and thought I was ready. He did give me a nice
feeling because he liked me and I liked the idea of him... but that's
all he was. He wasn't my love, he was "the boyfriend". Thankfully though
it ended quickly without either one of us getting hurt too much.
The
last time this happened was fairly recent and I guess it was a rebound
thing. I was in deep-like (can't say "love" because we didn't have a
solid relationship) with a guy and was trying to be with him for a long
time. When I finally let go and decided I shouldn't waste my time, there
was another guy that came along and told me he really liked me. I liked
him too but there were many flaws that I was looking past and
eventually there was a huge problem that just set me off. He did treat
me right until that one big mistake and I guess that made me realize I
was wasting my time and his. He always talked to me, always saw me, and
we had everything but there still wasn't this click. I never told anyone
I was talking to him simply because I didn't feel like it was a big
deal.
But that whole situation made me open my eyes and I brought
someone new in my life who I really have fallen for. I'd actually like
to thank you for writing this because I used it as a check list to see
if my guy was everything I wanted.
OK I wrote a lot there lol, but
basically you should tell this guy that you're not feeling it. "it's
not you it's me". But maybe a nicer way of telling him would be "there's
just something that doesn't feel right." If he gets angry then give him
time and whatever you do, don't get angry back or argue with him. In
time you can call him and talk to him and tell him you don't want to be
faking the relationship because no one deserves that. You're doing him
and yourself a favor by not starting anything, and it shows that you
thought of him and his feelings before it was too late and you hurt him.
hope
that helps and hopefully you read this entire boring comment lol. good
luck, and there is someone out there, and when you find him it'll be
worth going through stuff like this.
It's pretty obvious you shouldn't be with someone you have no sparks with.
It's better to wait then drag him into a relationship you're half heartedly pursuing..and then breaking up with him because you can't stand it any longer.
Love will come around when you're ready. Just be patient.
no don't do it. if you're not into him that would suck. and its just holding him back from being with someone that would wholly appreciate him
Been there, done that- it didn't work out and I lost a good friend. It's the stupidest thing I've done.
Never do this
Before even reading this, the answer is no. Don't get into a relationship if you're not serious about it. Someone will end up getting hurt.
Sorry I only read the title and some bolded parts lol. But um, it's a bit of a bad idea to have a boyfriend just because. I definitely understand wanting one. However, the guy will come along when he does, and in the meantime you shouldn't just go out with some random guy you're not all that attracted to, just to say he's your boyfriend.
1) Tell him you're not into him.
and
2) Don't double text a guy if he isn't responding.
Don't settle, but at the same time... I've heard some of the happiest relationships came from people they weren't sure of immediately. I guess I would say it wouldn't be fair to string him along and be his girlfriend just because you want a boyfriend, but there's nothing wrong with casual dating.
To be honest, I'm kind of doing the same thing.
Go for it. Me and my bf have a great relationship, and we have a lot of fun together. Dating multiple guys is fun, but it gets boring. Spending your time with someone you care about (even if it's in a friendly way and not a romantic way) is better than being out with some guy you won't see again.
I'm the same way. I usually don't like guys who shows interest in me first. only when I like him first is when I get excited. no, you shouldn't have a bf just to have one.
You don't have to have a boyfriend. Guys are a lot of work and can be trouble.
And forget all that romantic crap. So many times the "butterflies" and racing heart are signs of FEAR. Subconscious fear, trying to tell you something that you might be perceiving as something exciting and right.You can just be friends with the guy and feel it out. Just remember, he has feelings too. Don't lead him on, if you're not interested.no wtf. that's just silly and stupid. ur wasting not only ur time but also his...
i think that you should tell this guy that you aren't into him. Stop leading him on since he obviously likes you alot. Don't forget hun, he has feelings too.
I've wanted a boyfriend just to have one, and i felt bad. I couldnt lead him on anymore so i broke it off with him. After that experience, it's safe to say that i won't be doing that again. ;)
I'm going to the
bad influence.
I dated a guy in High School, just to date someone. I wanted to prove to myself that I could be in a relationship and be successful. It was a challenge of my self-endurance, and I'm glad I did it. Was it fair to the guy? Probably not. But he was kind of a loser, and so I don't really feel that bad. (Don't judge me!)If you don't date that often, you could be cutting yourself off from that world. Which will only end up in horror and loneliness.