I watched the Tyra Banks Show the other day. Guess what the topic was? [...see title]
This was a new concept to me. Not only have I just never heard of it, but the concept itself seems foreign and strange. It should be getting more attention, really - people are really, and I mean REALLY abstaining from sex in a way that just isn't healthy once you've actually had it before. SOMEthing's bound to happen to these people...or worse...they will all become serial killers.
Anyway, sexorexia is the self-deprivation of sex ALTOGETHER. Ain't no marriage contract, ain't no medical issues. It is the abstinence from sex. PERIOD. ...shit ain't natural.
There appear to be many reasons for this deprivation.
1) Typecasting Fears - This appears to be more common among women than men, and is the result of stereotypes about women engaging in sexual endeavors before marriage. But in this case, these stereotypes get so ingrained into the woman's head that she can't (meh heh heh) CUM around.
2) Body Image - This happens among both genders, although usually for different reasons. Men tend to get sexorexia due to penis size; they think they are not large enough, they can't pleasure a women and any engagement in sexual intercourse would be pointless and embarrassing. For women, this tends to be linked with weight - a woman thinks she is "too fat" to engage in sex, and again, that therefore sex will be pointless and embarrassing.
3) General Self-Esteem - This is linked with #2, but is not necessarily the same thing. This occurs more usually when someone has actually HAD sex before (and are at a later rather than earlier stage in their sexual advancement), but they think there are too many things wrong with them for them to "deserve" sex. One man on the show, for example, had an image of himself as a "loser" (I think the real problem was that he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend, from whom he had been broken up for 8 YEARS!). Anyway, he felt it would be wrong to "expect" anything out of any sexual endeavor because he has nothing to offer, and didn't want to physically use people.
4) Protection - This links to the guy's story (in #3 above). It has to do with abstinence from sex for fear of getting hurt; sex becomes a sort of symbol of love and attachment. Without it, people suffering from sexorexia for this reason feel as though they cannot get attached or fall in love with another person, and that they are therefore "safe." This is most likely the result of abuse, or a broken heart.
There are probably more specific factors linked to the disorder (as with eating disorders, it's likely a personalized thought pattern) but these were the general ones discussed.
Have you or anyone you've known suffered from sexorexia? What's your take on the disorder?
Recommend
Comments (41)
I am afraid of sex. I don't want to be in that way.
but it is interesting that you post #3 beacuse I ve met ppl that have over indulged in sex for that reason.. having more sex mean less emphasis on meaning
At first what you said surprised me, but as I was reading through the list (like your pun btw!) it made a lot of sense. I don't think sex has to be this great thing that everyone has to want or have... it's all relative. There are people out there who don't like chocolate! Might seem absurd but not everyone is like everyone else.
I'm guilty of number 4. I avoided sex and relationships because I didn't want to get hurt. Now I'm happy with my boyfriend and we have sex frequently.
I've seen that episode as well, and I don't know if I'm paranoid or what. But after I had seen that, I wondered if I was, because the last time I had sex was three and a half years ago, but I don't have the cravings, and I'm fine with not having it. My friends say I just have an insane amount of self control, but that can't be the case because even in relationships that I am comfortable in I could just careless about the sexual part. Though other sexual things don't bother me, but before actual sex/intercourse, I have anxiety attacks. But then again, I've always said I regretted the first time that happened three and a half years ago, and I said I would wait until marriage for the next time around because all it did was ruin the relationship. Idk, anyways great post!
@sevencrystaltigers@xanga - That's good =)
I just have asexual friends..does that count for anything?
um..I thought that was called celibacy.
and there's nothing new about it.
Someone has sex, they regret it, and don't have sex again.
I've had it. For #3 & 4. After my first girlfriend I had sex with back in 2000 I abstained from sex for about 3 years, purposefully. After I broke up with my last gf two years ago I did it again for another 2 years.
my self esteem is too high so I'm extremely picky on whose bones I jump.
I've heard of quite a few people in the UK who have this, only it's called something else. Everything works just fine, they just don't want to do it.
i can never refrain myself from sex.
im not sure i buy it. i mean, i know its taking it to extremes. but i dont think it can count as an -ia unless its really serious. i mean people are anerexic because we need food to live, but we don't need sex to live... some people really don't want to be with others sexually after some experiences, for a long time. now if you withheld from sex for your entire life (after something), i guess that is a problem.. but not really, i mean priests/nuns do it.
i think the only thing this shows is how sex crazed our culture is. if they hear the word 'virgin' or 'no sex' they lose it. when really, its just supposed to be a function and way of intimacy- not a recreational hobby.
yeah i dont like sex, i cant if i havent got to a certain weight cos i think il be too heavy oand dont like to show anyone my body and stuff so thats half of it, other times just the thought makes me feel so queezy its bad i know :(
saying that i have had really awful relationships in the past so not suprised but i dont think this is really something that should get branded? is it? lots of people feel anxiety when it comes to it without it being called something now.. i dont know its just my thoughts :)
there is such disorder??
I couldn't imagine abstaining from sex for a long time. A week is hard enough.
Now its
your day to get 85% discount on Hotels
4-5 Star
Hotels At 2-3 Star Prices---Up To 80% Discount
Book Your
Flight + Hotel Together To Get Access To Discounted Rates
Economy Car Hire Deals ---Low rates. First Class Service
# Special
Offers
# Travel
Guides
# Last
Minute Flights
75% Off Hotels
Compare
All Hotel Booking Sites,
Pay the Lowest Prices for Hotels.
>>>>Plane air Ticket $1<<<>>>Hotel Room $1<<<>>>Rental Car $1<<<<
Charter
Flights,Hotel,All inclusive Save 70% in Last minute Packages
Find Cheap
Hotels, Discount Hotels and Last Minute Hotels Deals
Instantly
Confirm Next Day Rooms & Safely Pay Hotel Only On Check-out!
Booking
Car - Low Cost ===>
Car Rental - On-Line Confirmation {135 Countries - 17000
Locations}
Package and Save Up To $500:
* flight
only
* flight
+ hotel
* flight
+ hotel + car
* Cruise
+ Flight + Car
Plan—Your
Next Vacation To One Of The World's Great Cities
Cheap Holiday Packages---Flight+Hotel Up to 50% off
Holiday Cars Car Rental--- Search the lowest price | Compare Be Smart,
Compare before you Rent!
so sad.
Umm... Doesn't that mean all nuns (should) have sexorexia?
Doesn't sound so absurd now...
I'm sure you've heard of Nuns. And I'm sure the Pope has sexorexia. hahah
I've never heard of this! I just thought adults who didn't have sex were asexual. Thanks for opening my eyes
I don't think abstaining from sex is a disorder (until it causes problems mentally), it's a personal choice that only hurts another person if you're in a committed sexual relationship. I know at least one person who doesn't have sex, by choice. He's not with anyone. And he's almost 60. He may have had sex when he was younger (I doubt it though, he was studying to be a Catholic priest at the time), but for years, he hasn't. He's fine mentally.
Waiting for marriage is a great idea, for emotional and physical reasons. But after marriage, to abstain still (unless one partner is physically unable to have sex) is a problem. But I would expect my husband to stay with me, continue to love me, and not cheat (and do whatever we could sexually) if I couldn't have sex, just like I would do for him.
What about guy #1?
I really wouldn't consider it a disorder. Sometimes you just decide to stop having sex for a period of time. It's natural. Why should people be hooking up constantly just for the sake of... hooking up?
i don't think it's all that unhealthy. people may abstain from sex for all sorts of reasons for periods of time. so what? it's just not the most important thing to some people. in fact, it's not even that interesting. and you can receive the same sort of benefits from working out and/or masturbation. just sayin'.
@Hinase@xanga - Gee thanks. :P
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - I honestly feel the same way. I haven't had sex in a long while because of this.