Friday, 30 July 2010
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Help! My SO Kept Old Nude Pics
Datingish readers, one of your ones needs your help!Name_Isnt_Rio@xanga asked:
My SO and i have been dating for 7 months now. We haven't had any issues until last night. When he was out of his room i went through his phone and found nude pictures in his phone. When i confronted him he said she was no one, that it was a mistake and that he'll never do it again. He said he'd do anything to get my trust back, so i asked him to sign into all his email accounts, Myspace and Facebook. On one of his email accounts he had old nude pics from before we started dating, but even after we started dating he kept them.
I know for sure he hasn't ever physically cheated on me, because I'm with him every other day and he doesn't have a car so he doesn't really go anywhere.
I'm really conflicted here, I love him so much and we've even been talking about getting married and moving in together in a year. I wont be able to trust him over night, but is this something that could be worked out?
Because it's only pictures. should i forgive him and try to work things out? Even though its just pictures isnt that just like cheating?
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Comments (59)
I guess those kind of pics just kinda stays in phones, because most people dont go through phones a lot. I understand where you come from though. If I were you, I would just ask nicely to delete them because it makes me feel uncomfortable
Still, you went through his phone? You're an ass.
If it's pictures of exes or just girls he actually knew, then I think it's kind of bad, but nothing to break up with. Definitely don't break up with him over that. Trust me, my boyfriend did something much worse than that but I forgave him and we're happy now (working on the whole trust thing still). It's hard to deal with at first, but things like that shouldn't ruin a relationship forever.
Pictures/porn/etc aren't cheating. They may not be ideal in a relationship, but it's not cheating. However, it would be respectful of him to delete them all if it hurts you so much.
You seem kind of controlling. Really what you're talking about is no deal at all.
this is why you shouldn't look through your SO's stuff. this always happens. when you sneak into someone's personal belongings/accounts looking for things, you're not gonna like what you find and more often than not it only upsets you. if you're dating for seven months there should be enough maturity and mutual trust in your relationship that you don't feel the need to go all robocop on him.
@shesakillerqueeen@xanga - agree. my SO went through my harddrive and found pictures of me and my ex that i didn't even know was still in there. then he acted all weird for about a day until he fessed up to the deed. i don't understand why people would go through other people's things. my parents always closed my diaries for me, but my SO's parents would rummage through his shiet all the time. maybe its they way some ppl are brought up. privacy is important though, and if you'd rather not worry, ignorance is bliss.
First off why would you go through his personal stuff, maybe you need to learn to trust him more. If you know he's not cheating why are you going all crazy controlling on him?
@seeker_nyc@xanga - Do you have something to hide? I look through my boyfriends phone all the time. And he doesn't care. I'm not looking through his phone because I don't trust him. I'm looking because he takes a bunch of really interesting pictures at work that I like to look at. The only time someone would be offended because others are looking through their stuff is if they don't want them to find something.
@midge4ever@xanga - excuse me because I am trying to be really respectful: If you don't trust him then why the fuck are you with him in the first place?
@seeker_nyc@xanga - midge4ever never said she didn't trust her boyfriend. i look at my boyfriends pictures too, not cause I think he has something to hide, but because he takes interesting pictures. Looking at pictures is different than say, reading texts, which I wouldn't do because I'm sure there's nothing interesting there anyway.
@midge4ever@xanga - @colourmy_life@xanga - Oops. My bad.
Fine, but in regards to the author of the post, she sounds really naive.
well if you trusted him in the first place you wouldn't have been looking through his phone. if you wanted to go through his phone then ask him. my boyfriend and I don't go through each others things unless we ask one another and it's never a problem because we never ask each other because we trust each other. When I got my new phone I went through everything in it to see if i could delete some stuff to get more room on my memory card and I found old pictures of me and my ex. Sometimes they just don't go through their phone to delete it because they forgot. Same thing goes with the e-mail. Just ask him if he can remove the pictures because they bother you and it's disrespectful to have naked pictures on his phone and e-mails.
@seeker_nyc@xanga - I trust my boyfriend. And yes the author of this post is very naive. And I personally don't think this is the place to be trying to get advice. I know for a fact that if this was a situation my boyfriend and I got into he would not appreciate me sharing it with the whole world. This is something that she needs to talk to her boyfriend about privately.
jeez these comments are harsh.
i would fuckin kill my boyfriend if he had NAKED pictures of girls he "used to" know. you dont know what he does with those you dont know how recent they are.do not trust him.
@midge4ever@xanga - exactly...what if the boyfriend somehow found out about this? She's going behind his back, ironically, and talking about their relationship to others. Very hypocritical.
Again, I proffer my sincerely apology for misreading what you said.
If you're going through his shit you are asking for it.
He should dump you for being a controlling psycho cunt. You secretly went through his phone and demanded access to his personal accounts. No fucking way.
I'm surprised you're dating him actually and not other women, since this guy obviously has no balls at all. I would have told you "Tough shit" and then bitched about you with friends over a couple beers while I checked out other women. I'd be checking other women because I would have already dumped you.
This isn't a big deal. It's basically the same thing as porn. Just because he's got some tits and ass on his phone doesn't mean he's cheating on you. Which you already knew, so I'm even more confused as to why you're freaking out.
Man, I can't believe this article...
@seeker_nyc@xanga - Well she said she confronted him. And she also said that HE'S the one who's asking for forgiveness. Kind of crazy.
And it's ok. We all misread things once in a while.
wow these comments are harsh
STOP BASHING ON THE POOR CHICK
NOT LIKE SHE DOES IT ALL THE TIME - IT WAS JUST A 1 TIME THING THAT SHE STUMBLE ACROSS
Just tell him to delete the pics and brush it off
The fact that you had to go through his phone to check his pictures sounds like there is a lack of trust on your side. I would suggest sitting down and just talking to him about how you feel.
However, as a man, he is almost guaranteed to have a porn stash. I don't think that it is fair that you should make him delete the pictures because they might not be you, or because they make you feel jealous. If he had the pictures before you were dating, then he more than likely forgot about them. To say that he's cheating on you for having pictures in his stash is just like saying that a man is cheating on his wife for watching pornography... which most definitely isn't the case.
Just relax. If you know he isn't cheating on you, then you really have nothing to worry about. However, a bit of friendly advice: I would probably abstain from talking about marriage and moving in if you are still having these trust issues. It will only get worse if you do eventually decide to move in together, and that could put you guys on the rocks.
@shesakillerqueeen@xanga - I agree
Have some trust in your bf..my bf has porn and hentai everywhere in his computer, but I don't look for it. I already know he loves me and only wants me. There's enough trust in my relationship, unlike yours..where you have to snoop.
It's wrong and hurts so many people when you do that.Maybe you guys should break up? You're too damn immature.
@mcmeister89@mancouch - I concur, though I'm much too nice to say what you said, so I admire you for it =)
if he cares enough for you, he'll delete them. girls are naturally nosy, and always want to know what's up especially with their bf. you wouldnt mind having others look through yourr stuff, if you didnt have anythind to hide in the first place.
I won't lie...that is kind of sketchy....but I wouldn't hold it against him right now unless you see other curious signs that lead you to the same conclusions. Its quite possible that he got those a long time ago and forgot to delete them, which means he really didn't value them all that much since he forgot all about them till now. But on the other hand he may be one of those guys that is checking out other girls, maybe even without any intentions of cheating, but just not fully in the relationship like you are....I would talk to him and ask him why he kept those for so long, since you have been dating for 7 months....you would think he would remember to delete them by now....but I wouldn't end your relationship just based on old pictures.
@mcmeister89@mancouch - i noticed that you mentioned you liked saying cunt in the article a few days ago about slang names for vags and again here, so i feel the need to interject.
i don't know if you know this, and i don't think you do, but cunt is actually considered to be a really awful slang and derogatory towards woman, much in the same way the n word is toward black people.
so not to cramp your style or anything, but i wanted you to be aware of that and to kindly refrain from using it an in insulting manner, or at least toward those on this site.
cunt may not bother some people, but it does have deep roots. thanks, that's all.
@TheCatInTheCradle@xanga - I use it sparingly as an actual insult. As I said, it's one of my preferred words for a vagina. However, the word is seen as more severe than "bitch" which, I feel, has basically lost most of its "oomph" anyway.
I will say though, you're the first girl ever to confront me about using
the word. Seriously. Ever. Whether in person or online. I don't think the women on here mind as much as you think
they do.
Lastly, I felt it was appropriate given the absurdity of the situation. But don't worry your little head, "cunt" isn't a regularity for me in a demeaning manner. You'll see it very few times from me in a negative manner. Like I said, it's usually just a slang term for vagina for me. And as far as slang for genitals go, I put it on par with "cock".