Thursday, 29 July 2010
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Bi-Curious or Bi-Sexual?
aspiring_dreamer@xanga asked in the Datingish advice tab:I've always been slightly bi-curious. The thought of making out with a girl has always been kind of exciting to me. I'm not sure whether it's because it's not my normal thing or whether it is a physical attraction.
About a month ago, I got drunk at a party and ended up making out with this girl. She's only the second girl I've ever kissed. My boyfriend was at the party with me and he kept an eye on me to make sure things didn't go too far. This girl, who is supposedly straight, took my shirt off and attempted to remove my bra and pants as well. Apparently, several of our friends had to pull her off me and different times because it looked like she was trying to go down on me. Anyway, from all reports, I never initiated anything more than kissing with her. I didn't push her off me when she tried to do more, but I was definitely not the aggressor.
After that night, I assumed I wasn't bisexual based on that fact. Since then, my boyfriend and I have broken up and I have thought multiple times about asking her if she'd like to try something sober. I'm not sure whether it's curiosity or actual attraction.
I've heard a lot of girls, especially those around college-age think about experimenting...
Do these sober thoughts mean I just haven't experienced enough to know how I feel, or do they lean toward meaning I'm bisexual? And what do you think about talking to this girl about that night and seeing if she wants to try it again?
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Comments (35)
Bisexuality means that you could have sexual intercourse with both genders and be fine with it. Mostly just like it. But I also think it's an emtional thing as well. Could you fall in love with a girl? It doesn't always have to be lust, it can be so much more than that. What makes someone straight? Just because you don't want to have sex or have not had sex with a guy doesn't mean you're not straight. But keep in mind that things sometimes do move slowly, so you may have not found the right girl yet, or it's a possibility that bisexuality is not really your thing. I also think that maybe you didn't initiate anything because there were other people around.
Those are just my thoughts :)
If you were drunk and not sure how you felt about her being all over you, then you can't say for sure that you feel bisexual. Maybe you are just curious and the only way to know for sure is by experimenting. There isn't another way around it. If you experiment sober and like it, then maybe you are bisexual. You also might wanna think about how you felt when your relationship with your boyfriend ended. In the end when you have experimented and thought it over, you will figure out who you are. You may be bisexual, bicurious, lesbian or straight. Good luck with all that!
well for me, the things i do and say when i'm drunk are usually the things i WANT to do and say. i just needed the liquid courage to be able to do them. but that may not be the case for you.
i'm like you, where i'm not really sure. but i'm not in a rush to label myself. i just take it one day at time. people want to label me "bisexual" but i don't feel sure enough to label myself that.
i've only ever lusted after women. i've never been in love with a woman. but i guess i could make the counter argument, have i ever been in love with a man? i've sure lusted after them as well, but it's not really clear. i've never had sex with a man or a woman. so how can i truly know what my sexual orientation is, you know?
anyway. i could talk all day about my sexuality and all my theories about it. but my main idea now is that i'm attracted to PEOPLE, rather than their gender. and i'm not ashamed of who i'm attracted to anymore. and if i'm feeling into a girl, i let her know or make a move.
and as for this girl. i would say, yea ask her out! or at least talk to her, if you're feeling it. what do you have to lose?
I think your sober thoughts just mean you're curious. I mean, if you have never tried it, how would you know if you like it? I think this is what's fueling your thoughts on the girl from the party, and calling her up. Plus, if you weren't sober when you were kissing her and it was going farther, you can't really say that's enough experience to satisfy your curiosity. There would always be that doubt for you.
As for contacting the girl, my concerns would be about her sexual health. If she's going to be all over you at a party in front of everyone, think about who else might have gotten some public action. I'm not saying to ask her if she's std/sti free, but proceed with caution. As for experimenting in general, I think it would be healthy for you to find a (healthy) girl to try something with. Just let her know the situation, of course. Wouldn't want to lead anyone on...
I wouldn't consider myself bisexual since I don't want to constrict myself to those two genders. Pleasure is pleasure, and I've been with boys and girls, emotionally and physically. Open your mind.
:]
Good luck, I hope this helps.
I wouldn't say you're bisexual just because you didn't push a girl off of you when you were drunk.. I would say that you need to try it again (not drunk this time) to see if that's something you maybe find that you want.
My advice to you is to stop worrying so much about labels and just go with what feels natural.
I say you call the girl up and spend some time with her. See what happens. If she doesn't work out, try to find another girl who may interest you. You're never going to know how you feel about girls if you don't push yourself out of your own comfort level.
You have your entire life to decide whether you are straight/bisexual/gay/other--and even then, sexuality is fluid so you may never actually settle on one for sure. What's important is that you date people who make you happy, regardless of gender.
Good luck!
By all means call her up! :) Labels are labels..you don't need to fit into one.
I think the comments above pretty much sum it up. If you're unsure, you don't need to be claiming bisexuality. If it's something you are interested in, go for it, and let it take you where it will. That's the only way to wrap up the curiosity.
Ive been drunk many times in my life, but I have never kissed a girl or touched a girl! Sure, I have grabbed my girl friends' boobs and ass a joking way, but it's nothing serious, because they do it to me too haha~ I sometimes wonder what it would be like to kiss a girl though. I'm definitely really attracted to men and I like everything physical and sexual with them, but I cant deny the fact that I have thought about what it would be like with a girl!
There's nothing wrong with it I mean try it out and if you dont feel its right than you'll go back to being straight
Def call her! As far as I can see you are bi-curious right now. You dont need to know the "sexual" part until you get there. Try it out, see what fits and what doesnt.
i happen to think they're only bi-curious and want to get attention from others by doing that.
I agree with ignoring the labels. Try it sober, and if it feels right to you, then go with it. Don't worry so much about "what you are." I'm a little bi-curious myself, and I don't think it's that big of a deal. I classify myself as straight, but if a girl wanted to make out with me, I wouldn't be backing up and saying hell no. I've never kissed a girl, but I wouldn't be against trying it. In my opinion, It doesn't make you a different person. And people who do it for attention are stupid. It doesn't make sense to do it for attention. Just do what makes you feel right and forget what category you'd be placed in.
Yeah, I think you'll figure it out if you give it a whirl. There's no harm in trying to contact her :)
well you are curious aren't you? :P
I'm the same way. I have never made out with a girl, but I've always been curious about experimenting, especially when I was single. I think your desires could mean that you are bisexual, but they could also mean that you simply just have a curiosity for same-sex sexual experiences and you okay with the idea of having sex with a woman. I think you should ask her if she wants to try it sober. Tell her you're not sure how you feel about it but you're curious. That way, if it feels too weird, you can stop before you feel really uncomfortable. I say why not try it! At least then you can answer your question of whether you're bi or not.
The title of this post made me think of this.
http://buycurious.ytmnd.com/
I vote bi-curious. You're -curious- to further explore, so give it a try if it's what you're feeling.
If you're interested in something, and your whole schedule is open- and you're open enough for it, why not find out what you're so curious about?
@internal_peace@xanga - awesome
Call her up, explore things sober. Forget any labels, you are a human being, be comfortable in your skin.
i dont see why you shouldn't ask her to try it again. it doesn't really matter right now as to whether you're bi-curious or bi-sexual. you can explain to her that you're not too sure, so if she wants something more past the trying experience it's not a for sure thing.
then, when you do whatever you do with her, you'll quickly find out whether you wanted to do it just because you're curious or if you were wanting to do it because you were actually attracted to her as a woman.
easy enough. :D
Well you're obviously curious. Treat her as you would treat a guy. Don't just use her to discover your sexuality. If you think there's something there, go for it. If you just want to use her to see if you can screw a chick, then I'd say don't go there.
i feel everyone likes the same sex at some point in their life... i am 22 years old and i don't know what i want i've never had sex of any kind with any one i'm constinaltly feeling that either the right guy isn't around or i just assume i like men because of the rules set out by sociaty and, well, the bible.... anyway the point i'm trying to make is that it is normal to be confused except maybe not as confused as me.
Your curious you are not really bisexual untill you have intercourse with another female and enjoy it. The thing that makes you curious is that you want to try it sober and are stimulated by the thought and actions you have taken with other women. I say give it a shot and have fun you only live once!!!