Tuesday, 27 July 2010
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Are You Close With Your SO's Family?
Being in a relationship doesn't just mean having one new person enter your life. Well, duh, that's a little obvious. But you know what I'm saying. When you have a new SO, chances are you'll be making new friends and even adopting parts of his or her family.I come from a family that isn't very close-knit. I'm not estranged from my relatives or anything, but most of my extended family lives in different parts of the country, and I don't have any cousins my age. Growing up, it always felt like my relatives were one extreme or the other: very old or very young.
A couple weeks back, I went through the ritual of meeting my boyfriend's family. I've now met both his parents (although they're divorced, and live states apart), and have been spending a lot of time at his Grandma's, where he currently lives. I love his Grandma to death, and because I never had a very stable relationship with mine, it's a nice change of pace. His younger cousins are also frequent visitors to her household, so I've been interacting with them a lot.
In meeting his extended family, I've had a lot of names and faces thrown at me. But for some reason, it didn't really consciously occur to me until last night that if things continue going well and we keep seeing each other, these people might be an increasingly large presence in my life. I wasn't very close with my last boyfriend's family (his Grandma could never remember my name, and would always call me some form of an alternative ... awkward). But from what I've been around, I really like my current SO's family, and welcome their presence in my life.
How about you? Are you close with your SO's family? Was it an adjustment to "adopt" them into your life?
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- From: stateofhart
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Comments (20)
Through every relationship I've ever had, I wanted to be a part of the "family." I really didn't like any of their families, except for my now husband's. They were either intimidating, careless, or spiteful. I absolutely adore my husbands family. He loves mine too, and the two families get along with each other wonderfully. It makes for a wonderful and much less complicated life!
i love my boyfriend's family. they're a lot different than my own, but i enjoy hanging out with his older brother, sister, and 2 nephews. i haven't met the extended family yet, but i think i'd get along with them pretty well.
The relationship I'm in now is the first one where I truly felt like his family loves and accepts me for who I am, and want me to be part of their family and their lives. It feels great, especially after my most recent ex's awful father (and the family that blindly followed wherever his reign of terror went). They are great people, and we get along wonderfully. My family loves him, too.
Ah, no. It was really easy. I practically live at their house and go over whenever I want, even just by myself. They're always there for me.
My family on the other hand.. he hasn't even met any of them, really. It's been almost 4 years and he has talked to my dad briefly only a couple of times. I keep saying we should have supper out with just us and my dad (parents are separated and my mom is REALLY hard to keep a conversation with) but he says it would be weird. But it's ALWAYS weird the first time. You have to get over it; just jump in and meet whomever.
I was (and still am) extremely close to my ex-boyfriend's family. I called his mom "Mama Ring" and his dad and I actually had conversations, even though he was extremely introverted. I was also so close to his grandmother and his aunts and uncles. His little sister is still like my little sister; I even helped her get ready for prom. I love that family so much.
@materialactress@xanga - I loved this comment. My SO's youngest sister is 10, and I adore her already. I'm hoping to stick around long enough for stuff like dances and dates.
@swedishmilk@xanga @JaydenWolf@xanga - I'm so glad you both finally found a good match. Family and husband/boyfriend-wise. :)
I've had it both ways (this topic) - one girlfriend was super close to my parents and even my sister, but her family couldn't warm up to me even after my pathetic attempts! Another girlfriend couldn't or just wouldn't try to even get comfortable around my parents and sister.
Oddly, in the first example the relationship lasted longer than the second one. Which is curious - do relationships last longer if the girlfriend is close to the boyfriends family over the boyfriend close to the gf family?! Any thoughts?
I'm not close with his family because they live in a different province but when we see them we get along. I'm kind of meh about his mom but I think it's just cause she's more quite compared to his dad. I talk to his sister more and I really like her. I overall I can say I get along with his family and he gets along with mine.
I'm not really close with my fiance's family. I think I would be but they live in another state, 6 hours away. I've only met them twice, but they're really nice and friendly so I don't see why we wouldn't me. My fiance is close with my family though because he always came out here to visit and stay, and I'm very close with my family..So he's just part of it now.
My SO's family members are all very unique individuals. So based on that, my relationship with them is at different stages, depending on the person and our compatibility. Sometimes there are disagreements, however, I learned to maintain a cool head (most of the time).
I'm really not that close to my boyfriend's family because most of the time we are away at school and so I don't go around his place very often. I'm also extremely shy and so for the first couple of years I didn't talk much when I went over there. I've relaxed around them a lot now though and I think we are getting closer. They're extremely nice people and if my boyfriend and I were ever to get married, I think that they would make very nice in-laws.
I've had plenty of ex-boyfriends whose families I just could NOT warm up to. One father was an alcoholic/drug addict and the one time I met him he was tattooing himself on the living room sofa. The mother of another one of my exes was WAY to open with me to the point where she made me uncomfortable, she was also very ill and always on a lot of painkillers so she was often hard to talk to.
I think getting along with your SO's family can definitely strengthen your relationship. It's nice when your families are sources of support and not stress!!
i'm very close with my bf's family. he's in afghanistan, so his fam and i have been through a lot together. they're amazing.
My boyfriend's parents and I are super close, especially me and his mom. When I met them over a year ago when we first started dating, it was really easy to become close to them - especially his mom. His mom and I talk about everything and I will even go to his house when he's not there just to talk to his mom. For example, I had my last hockey game ever this year (tear) and after the game I couldn't stop crying. I wasn't ready for it to be over. His mom called me to tell me ryan had fallen asleep so if he didn't write me back that would be why. She noticed I was crying and told me to come over. I talked to her for 2 hours and Ryan didn't even know I was at his house (until his mom told me to go sneak in his room and cuddle with him). My boyfriend and I are a pretty solid couple and are going to be together for a long time, but if we ever broke up, not only would I be losing him but I would also be losing my second family. I think I would still have to be at his house all the time just so I could talk to his mom.
I'm not close to any of his family...really. Nor is my bf that close to any of my family. It just happens..
Of course, it's because of my personality and their's too. We just don't clash well.I met this guy at 16, met his family two weeks into our relationship. (Parents, brother, grandma) no big deal. He got me pregnant at 17...I met his sister and his other set of grandparents. And it seems like each year I get to meet someone new. Parents, siblings, their children (our daughter's cousins), spouses of the siblings, both sets of grandparents who I adore, talked with his cousins though I never met them face to face, friends....I spent Thanksgivings and Christmas' at his house...then I realized...he hasn't met my family.
I fixed that last year when we got engaged...but he still has a lot more to go.
I gotta admit though, it's pretty scary thinking about adopting a family you didn't start off on the right track with lol.
My immediate family don't really like my boyfriend too much. My sister likes him for the most part, but my parents don't really like him because he has tattoos, a lip ring, and wants to be a musician. We also had a really bad break up a few years ago, but that was back in 2008. We were both pretty young. The rest of my family seem to not mind him. They all remember his name and know who he is. I haven't met his family in the last 3 or 4 years we've known each other and dated off and on. His mom thinks I hate them or something. They just live in Texas and we live in California. It's kind of hard to go out there and visit them with all this crazy stuff going on between school and work. He's moving back for a little while though, so, maybe I'll finally get around to meeting them. I'm kind of nervous. I think his mom and I will get along though. We've talked on the phone a few times and it's always been nice. I've never met any of my boyfriends families though. Besides him, there's only been one other boy who met my parents and that was because I was 14 and my parents wanted to know who I was seeing so they could pick him out of a line up if necessary :p
I was always very close with my In-laws, so much so that I even worked for them for almost ten years. I still consider them my parents and siblings, even after the divorce. Besides my kiddo, my adopted family is one of the best things I got from my marriage.
I got notification that you posted a reply to my comment and not I can't find it so can only assume you deleted for whatever reasons am curious as to what you said...
something wanting to request me "to delete my comment so..." should share with the rest of the class!! ;)
I work for my boy's mom. I love his family<3
I adore my boyfriend's family. His dad makes amazing garlic bread. And just the other day I had a 15-minute phone conversation with his mom about shopping.