Tragedy always seems to have a way of bringing people together. You could easily think of a funeral and how even estranged family members seem to gather to mourn together. There has to be something about feeling the same kind brokenness and loss with others that makes things a bit more bearable, and can even create reasons for hope. So doesn't this apply as well to our relationships with our SO?
I won't go into details, but the past few months have been very difficult with my boyfriend. Months of fighting came to an end when we were overwhelmed by different issues, and we have now come to a point where we are heavy with burdens. For the three years that I have known him I had not seen him cry once until our breaking point, when we both broke down in tears to each other.
Because my boyfriend and I are a Christian couple, our foundation and confidence in the relationship really lie in God and how he has provided for us and sustained us through his grace. So as things have become almost unbearably hard, we have been rediscovering the hope that we have in him, acknowledging that, yes, we have hurt each other, and, yes, we will fail each other, but that forgiveness and reconciliation can abound through Jesus.
I know this may be hard for some to understand, but basically, my boyfriend and I know that we, as sinners, will fail and make mistakes because that is our nature, but that God, by his grace shown in giving Jesus to take the sinners' place, gives us and our relationship redemption and hope for our future, as individuals and as a couple.
So I realized that my boyfriend and I have been finding hope even in the midst of tragedy. Of course our hope lies in God, but I know that even those who don't pursue a relationship through spiritual or religious means also deal with tragedy. It's our natural reaction to respond to tragedy with anger or bitterness, and I know that it could have happened to me and my boyfriend--that we would lash out at each other with biting words. But that isn't the case. As surprising as it is, even to me, tragedy has brought us closer--not that we rely more on each other but that we have been encouraging each other and loving each other in selfless ways that we haven't in a very long time.
So how about you? Have you and your SO faced any big tragedies? And how do you deal with it together?
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Comments (12)
Tragedies can either make your relationship stronger or break up the relationship. It can be a true testament of strength in a relationship. Everyone hopes both parties will make it out together in the end.
Interesting subject and one that my fiance and I had to deal with recently.
We had to deal with the murder of a very good friend of ours and just having eachother there was what really helped us through it. Before we were a couple we did this alot, too. When his father died he came directly to me to help get his mind off of what was happening. We talked about it, but we also watched movies and just sat around doing nothing. I think that just being in the presence of one another is sometimes enough to help us get through the tough times.
Honestly, if you canot be their for one another through the worst of the worst, you simply will not last, and I think that in helping eachother, it brings you much closer as people and a couple.
We cry. A lot. Always in each others arms. Preferably, some place comfy like our bed. We have only gone through 1 1/2 tragedies. The death of my grandfather, that's one. And the death of his father, that's the half part. He was an alcoholic abusive asshole who died of an alcohol-induced heart attack. It was sad for about a day because no one really cared for the bastard. Even my husband was only looking forward to the life insurance money. That's why I say half. Sad, but true.
Sorry to hear about the tragedies you both are facing. Sounds as if there may be more communication..positive I hope..with all of these stressors. Tears can be a good thing.
When my mother fell down her basement stairs and hit her head and became unconscious, she was rushed to the hospital and put on a ventilator. Two doctors told us that she could not survive and she did die within 6 hrs of this accident.
I called my spouse of 30 years who was at work and he told me that he didn't think that anyone could come and replace him. Later, much later, I found out that he didn't even try to find someone to replace him so he could be at my side. Even when she died at 345pm, he said he'd come to be with me at 5pm..his quitting time.
I had stood with him when both his parents died, I had helped with his child support and been very nice to his kids; I had gone innumerable times to the ER with him when his parents were transported there in various emergencies. I had gone to a rehab facility DAILY with him when his dad broke his hip and he wanted to go there every day to visit. I went over to help with his mother for two years every Saturday.. I helped her with her wash, took her to hair and nail and dr appts. I loved him.
And yet, when he failed to come and support me when I needed him. (This was only the 2nd time in 30 years that I had a crisis with my parents.) He didn't come.
Needless to say , this has been a wake up call for me and I'm considering divorcing him now after 32 years.. The reason I didn't kick his ass out the door after my mom died is that 4 months later, my father became very very ill and I helped care for him for 7 months. Then, I was the executor for my parents estate and started grieving for both parents. I am now moving past some of those and again considering divorce. He knows it and is being super nice to me. It makes me sick.
My main support after my mom died and during my father's illness was a Christian man who was compassionate and steady in his support. Without God, my strong faith and this man, I'd never ever have made it through. This man prefers men, so there is just a friendship between us.
This has been my experience with support during a recent tragedy.
We just hold onto each other and go for the ride. It may be bumpy or less bumpy..but still we have each other and that's how it's always been. Always been like that. We just have faith in each other..no matter what.
In the past year, I lost my stepdad of 15 years to a heart attack and my SO lost an ex-girlfriend in a motorcycle accident. We dealt with these tragedies as we deal with most things; hugging, talking it out, letting the other cry as much as they need to, and maybe even getting a little upset at each other when one doesn't understand the other's pain. My stepdad's death was especially painful for me as we'd just begun reconciling years of distance, and the ex's wreck really hit home with my SO because they'd split on bad terms before we met and they never got over their animosity.
@greatredwoman@xanga - Thank you for sharing! I can only imagine how hard it must have been for you, especially without your husband around. Perhaps you could talk to him and let him know how you really felt after everything... hope everything works out for you!
whats SO?
@xitlalika@xanga - significant other
@xitlalika@xanga - Significant Other. It's that person you love and is thankfully in your life.
My SO is doing an amazing job helping me through a tragedy. Before it occurred we were having some problems, but as you stated it just became pointless when it happened. I'm still hurt and not over anything yet, but I do know that my relationship is a good one. God has blessed me with him.
This past year has been one of the hardest of my life, even harder than dealing with suicide attempts and depression in middle school and dealing with my parents' divorce and subsequent estrangement from my mentally abusive father in high school. I am so blessed and grateful to have had my SO to get me through all the rough times. He is amazingly patient and sensitive, and I am so thankful for his support. Support from my SO and faith in my God was all that got me through.