I was taking my lunch break at work a few weeks ago when I spotted an issue of Rolling Stone from across the room. Naturally, I went to retrieve it.
This magazine is one of the many loves of my life that I had to let go as the real world (and its various associated finances) hit me square in the face earlier this year.
I saw that Russell Brand was on the cover, and call me ignorant but I thought to myself "What the hell...? I mean, he was in like what, A movie? How did he make it to the cover of Rolling Stone?".
So I flipped to the page
where his story began and read it - his bio, as told to a single reporter. Very fascinating. Although he has always been a comedian, he's the classic case of "comedy as self defense." He has also been in and out of rehab for heroine etc. (no surprises there), he's been suicidal throughout his entire life, and - this was the main event of the story - he's a "recovering" sex addict.
"Recovering." But the reporter put a hell of a lot of emphasis on the fact that every girl who passed by received a head turn, complete with up and down gazing. Whenever he was asked a question about the monogamy of his (at the time) new relationship with Katy Perry, he fervently promised that he was "going to try," in however many words.
All right. To me, the reporter's hint of underlying amusement was clear. "Recovering" my - in his words - arse, OK? No way is this guy recovering. His commentary, his reported actions, and just his overall outlook made this clear. Dude loves sex too Goddamned much. Enda story.
The brief synopsis of the development of the relationship between Katy Perry and Brand did not have better implications. From the get-go, it sounds like Perry was on a mission. She texted him a picture of her naked boobs to get the ball rollin' - playin' the player's game, alright. C'mon, that's a genius move - for someone who KNOWS she is dealing directly with an intercourse fiend.
But - why plan on marriage with THAT? Besides all of the sexual instability, the possible diseases, the dissociative properties, the multiple can't-run-intos, and ALL of the other red flags that Mr. Brand holds high, there's the OBVIOUS problem with tying down a slut: Jealousy. You, the kidnapper, will be faced with awful and intolerable bouts of jealousy springing from the lack of trust that obviously derives from one's insecurity pertaining to the sexual situation at hand.
I know people can change. But don't they say that you can't MAKE someone change? Well this is one of those situations that is certainly the latter - Brand is going to "try" to make things work with Katy, so he's not going to "give in" to his own desires. Eh........
So I read a more recent article on the
NY Daily News that stated things between Perry and Brand are getting a little shaky. Maybe the author hadn't read the Rolling Stone interview, but he implied the girl was gettin' a lil paranoid. This, my dear Frank DiGiacomo, was bound to happen.
Which brings me around, finally, to my main point in question:
You can't change someone. These guys (and likewise, girls) like Brand are little treasure boxes that other people find and want to open. But only the boxes themselves have the code - and trust me, until they show signs of opening all on their own, you ain't gettin' nothin' worth shit.
If you want to own something, buy a puppy or a kitty; people will not do the trick. The appeal (what I like to call the "Marissa Complex" - an OC reference for fellow fans) of people like Brand is that if you change them, they're yours. It's all a game with no winner. These people know they have issues - they would fix them if they wanted.
I've had many a boyfriend who wants me to quit smoking. Many of them smoke now, but didn't during our relationship (3 of 5 now). It was a game we played - I show them "loyalty" by "quitting," but secretly have no intention of quitting because God knows I would have bought the Nicorette myself if I did, and I sneak around behind their backs smoking probably more than I did pre-relationship.
That's how it works. Much as we'd all to have that "No, I'M more obsessed!" relationship, it doesn't exist. People are who they are, and if you like 'em, great - marriage time! If there's issues, trust me - issues there will be.
So Katy, get out. Brand's a sex fiend and for every girl you THINK he may have cheated on you with, I would highly recommend multiplying the estimated guess by at least two for fact's sake.
Have you ever dated someone for their "possible change appeal"? Did it work - or didn't it? Do you still feel suspicious/jealous from time to time? To sum - CAN you teach an old dog new tricks?
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Comments (8)
No one really changes. You can just uncover different aspects of them that you perhaps hadn't seen before. People can modify themselves and their behaviors if they want to, but not before. Like you could quit smoking if you really wanted to- and not for anyone but yourself. Your boyfriends asking you to quit for them is not only unreasonable, it just doesn't work that way.'
As a sidenote, the first picture is more than likely a consensual thing that they both like.As another sidenote, as soon as I saw the title, I started singing ♪ she can't be taaaamed ♪. I am sufficiently ashamed.
maybe he is great in bed and she is a sex fiend too so their sexual appetite is compatible, only he wants to be compatible with all the hot women that walk by. I don't think you can teach an old dog new tricks but I think the appeal about russell to katy might be that he has sexual experience, so she doesn't have to teach him tricks in the bedroom. his fidelity is questionable but I can sort of see why she is attracted to him despite his sex addiction problem because I don't like to train men in the bedroom either, but I wouldn't have married a guy with such a past. if all these women wanted to sleep with him, then there is a curiosity of if he is that good in bed or not and since she married him, then I think he satisfies her sexually, don't know about other areas but she married him lol
I don't have many bad habits to change. it is usually things about the guy that I don't like and since I shouldn't change him, I just don't date him and find someone more compatible witihout the hassle or annoyances that would add more stress to the relationship. nobody is perfect but at least meet 80% of my ideal qualities. I'm attracted to the bad boy fashion image but not the literal bad boy habits.
The photo is distrubing to say the least...
from what I have heard and read from Russell Brand about his relationship, he is putting everything into it, so I hope that it works out for him, because monogamy isn't really his thing.
People can change. It really boils down to whether they want to or not.
People don't change unless they want to. So the only way to get someone to change is to be good at being manipulative. If you can make them see they should change for their own good, then there's a better chance they will do it. But if they don't have a reason to do it for themselves, then it'll all be a show.
Change just depends on what the underlying issues are.
A person who's a drug addict because of depression or some other severe condition is less likely to change than a person who is fat because they're too lazy to exercise.
Addictions take therapy to cure, while "bad habits" like drinking too much caffeine just takes will power.
I agree. The example that comes to mind is dress. I have a couple of girlfriends who bragged that they "made" their boyfriends by dressing them in nicer, preppier clothes. Turns out when the ring comes on the finger, the old clothes eventually come back on. That's why I found a guy who was (among many other amazing things) a great dresser. Friends ask me if I "picked out" anything, and I proudly reply, "No, he bought that before I even knew him." It's great.
I will say, though, that I find this a little disturbing: "It was a game we played - I show them "loyalty" by "quitting," but secretly have no intention of quitting because God knows I would have bought the Nicorette myself if I did, and I sneak around behind their backs smoking probably more than I did pre-relationship."
Maybe I'm just a little naive, but why even bother to date someone who hates smoking when you have no intention of quitting? If you start a relationship based on lies, it's never going to end well. Season 3 of Sex and the City features just such a dilemma, where Carrie "quits" smoking for a boyfriend, and it doesn't end well. AT ALL. Just be honest about your smoking, and you'll eventually find a guy you want to date who doesn't mind/smokes as well. That's just my unsolicited opinion, fwiw. Changing because a guy wants you to change isn't going to make you any happier, as you've so wisely pointed out.
I'll argue that "You can't change someone" statement. It's true that you can't change them if there is no part of them that wants to, but if there's even one cell in their body that wants to change for you, they will. It's a matter of how hard you push them. My boyfriend had the option of changing his ways or losing me for good. Now we've been happily together for 2 years and he's not regressed to his previous behavior even once. It all comes down to how hard you push them for the change, and how much they care about keeping you.