Tuesday, 20 July 2010

• Just Don't Do It: The Drug Edition

  
  
  Unlike many of my other "Just Don't Do It" posts, wherein made-up lingo and complicated situational descriptions are incorporated into portraying a pretty particular dating scene, this dating don't is simple, straightforward, and unmistakably clear.  Don't present illegal drugs (or legal drugs that you intend to use illegally) on a first date. 
  
  This advice should be pretty obvious.  But it isn't - and so, I warn daters out there yet again.
  
  I will eliminate the possibility of the following argument presentation by overturning it immediately: No, it does not depend on the situation.  There is no first-date situation to which drugs are an appropriate (or even sane) addition.  Swingers' orgies are NOT dates, and if you and your date pinpointed a crack-den instead of oh, say, ye olde run-of-the-mill restaurant as the ideal location for getting to know one another - well, then a WHOLE other "Just Don't Do It" post is entirely necessary.
  
  I'll tell you what prompted this:  I had just began seeing this guy, as in we had NOT gone on a date yet.  He was meeting my friends and I out at a bar (alone...but that's another post).  At one point, my friends and I and this guy were all sitting around an outdoor table, talking and so on.  He instigates a conversation about drugs, and how we all feel about them.  Everyone said something slightly different from one another.
  
  I was next to him, and as everyone else continued to talk amongst one another he cornered me and asked me directly. "I don't know," I said, "I don't have an opinion on 'drugs' at large, just certain ones."  He wanted to know more.  "Well like, which ones?" he kept asking.  "Which ones what?" "Which ones do you actually LIKE?"
  
  At this point I'm not even suspicious, just confused.  Why was this our basically-first conversation?  And more importantly - why was it getting so intense?
  
  Well, eventually we got around to having our ACTUAL first date.  After dinner, I was rounding up to head home.  I had consumed 3-4 glasses of wine, which yes is legal but a little shaky in the driving-skills direction.  So when this guy asked about whether or not I was OK to drive, I had to hesitate for a second to debate the importance of honesty vs. free will.
  
  That moment of hesitation was all he needed. Back at his house (where my car was parked) he said "I have something that will help." "OH, wonderful!" my drunk brain rang out "So he's not trying to keep me here.  This is great, I can't believe I'm going to get to go home now after all!" (Not that I hated him that much.  I was just intolerably tired).
  
  Then the bag of cocaine comes out.  My eyes are registering. In fairness, this is something I've seen many times.  It never ceases to shock me when someone pulls out hard drugs.  Never.  It gives me the chills no matter what. 
  
  I've made it clear that a personal vendetta of any kind against drugs was not at issue.  People are free to make their own choices, etc. But this was still a dealbreaker.
  
  Presenting drugs on the first date is never a good idea, regardless of whether or not your date has openly stated s/he does not have a problem with the illegal use of drugs - hell, s/he might even have said s/he likes drugs (if s/he says that s/he loves them and does them all the time, be out)!  Do not present them.
  
  Assuming your date is of a healthy mindset (i.e. a real prospect), this is why:
  
  1) (The obvious) Ya seem like a druggie.  Do I need to explain the problems with this?  You might be presenting drugs as a way to bond, or a way to make the date exciting, or a way to be impressive and edgy.  But you just brought out hard drugs on a date.  Your date is likely going to assume you're just a total addict craving a fix. Addicts are not dateable creatures in any way, shape, and form.  The only worse red flag you could put up would be by crashing a glass bottle over your date's head without warning or explanation.
  
  2) You seem dangerous.  You don't seem to have much regard for safety and the law, 2 things you really should have regard for.  You seem intent on satisfying your own desires without regard for the outcome - how do you know something bad won't happen if your date engages? You presumably know very little about this person!  How will you know what to do if it does?  (The thing about illegal drugs is...it's always a little awkward for the person giving them out to call the hospital.  So s/he very often doesn't - an image you knowingly give off as soon as you present the drugs in the first place).
  
  3) You seem insecure.  Seriously.  I know next to 1 & 2 this sounds trivial, but it's nonetheless important.  Presuming your date gives you the benefit of the doubt, and assumes that you actually don't have a problem.  Then, why are you bringing out drugs?  Many people will do drugs in order to alter their personalities enough that they appear to have more confidence, a better sense of humor, seem more interesting, etc etc.  If you're a non-regular customer with your local dealer but you stock up before a date, this is going to be the fair enough general assumption as to why.  And if you're willing to risk your health and criminal record to seem cooler well then damn! - the healthy date says - what else are you prepared to risk?
  
  Unlike previous "Just Don't Do It" action advisories, the presentation of drugs on a first date presents rather a fork in the road (not one, but two unfavorable potential outcomes) - not only should you worry about ending the possibility of dating your date long-term, but you should also, ironically, worry about NOT ending that possibility - drug relationships are right alongside abusive ones in the "MOST DANGEROUS" category.
  
  (Just an odd side-note: I imagine this whole room full of little relationship bottles, similar to the big room in Shrek 2 from where Puss in Boots steals "happily ever after" potion, except the "drug relationships" container has a skull and crossbones on it and emits a green smoke when opened.)
  
  Even worse than losing your date is keeping them - with drugs.  The binary possibilities have equally unpleasant outcomes, so be "above the influence", use your date as your anti-drug, and all the rest.  Drugs and dating are a lethal combination.  Just don't do it.
  
  
  Has anyone ever presented drugs to you in an early dating situation?  If so, how did you feel about it?
  

  Image Source

  • 5:01 PM
  • 1829 Views
  • 30 eProps
  • 15 Comments