Tuesday, 20 July 2010
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I Have Found the Perfect Summer Fling
So I met this boy who is perfect summer fling material. He’s gorgeous, he’s funny, he’s smart, he’s older. He has a car, a job, and a pretty decent life. And here’s the catch – he flies back to Germany on September 3rd.
He’s currently living here on a Visa. I met him about three weeks ago at work, and we’ve been hanging out almost every day since. It took until this past Saturday for our lips to finally lock, but since then things have been getting pretty heated. Sounds perfect, right?
Not for me. I’m the type of girl who doesn’t do random hook-ups, who doesn’t sleep around. I’m the girl that when I fall, I fall hard. I’m the girl that is really good at relationships, and knows nothing about being single.
And I like this guy. And it’s pretty obvious that he likes me to. So I can feel myself getting stuck in a situation where this guy is going to break my heart when he leaves the country and I don’t see him again for the rest of my life.
So I guess my question for you is: do I keep going with this “fling” that is more than likely going to cause me some tears, or do I back out now so I can save my dignity in the end?
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- From: sunshinedust_xox@xanga
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Comments (32)
Hmmm...can you kind of...force yourself not to totally fall for him? You know like can you just tell yourself that it's JUST for the summer, nothing longer, and NOT fall for him completely? It's hard...but sometimes, with me at least, if I know it's not going to be serious, I can control my feelings (to an extent, of course.) Think about how much control over your emotions you have. If very little, I'd break it off with him before you fall hard. You don't want to get hurt, when you know what's coming.
I'd back out now. just my opinion. You can still be friends, because you work together and obviously aren't actually dating. In the end you should be happy you at least met him and did get a chance to spend time with him, kiss him etc. You don't want a broken heart over something that didn't last and probably never would.
I say go with it. You're young & you only live once! :]
That's the definition of a fling for me. Both parties go into it knowing it'll end.
Having a fling doesn't mean your dignity is forfeit. But it is up to you whether or not you want to trade this fling for possible hurt later. If I were in your place, I'd go for it- but then, I'm all about just seeing what happens.
You'll regret it if you don't go for it.
I'd say go for it! You only live once, and you're only young for so long. Just know that it will inevitably end.
It's already too late to think about backing off now. You either shouldn't have started the flirtations, or you should just completely go for it. Heart break is something you also learn from.
I would say go for it. Things always work out how they're supposed to in the end.
We have different definitions of "fling". A fling for me is usually something that doesn't result in a whole lot of emotion.
I had a summer fling last year with a friend of four years or so, which worked out perfect. We hung out a lot, had sex a lot, and broke it off quickly and painlessly. We both have a SO now and are still friends. It was sort of just a trial period to get out all the physical tension we had. Apparently we had a lot.
i'm the same way like you, when i fall, i fall hard also but i had a summer fling about 4 years ago and even though it was only for a short period of time, i still had fun and then he left to go home. we lost touch with each other, went our own separate ways and then just recently bumped into each other. luckily he's single and so am i and we're gonna try it again. hopefully it's more than just a summer fling.
How do you know it will end that way?
Talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel.
Take a chance and talk to him. Flings are great but, never worth it...it's a quick fix.
Go for it. You don't want to look back and think "what if." Love hurts, but sometimes it's a good hurt. Have fun, and if you're lucky, maybe something will work out, but you'll never know if you don't try.
the way you described him sounds like he is relationship material so having a summer fling and hoping that it will be more when you know he is going to fly back to his country isn't something I'd do since you are likely to be attached when you are not the random hook up type but relationship type. I think you'll regret it if you have a fling and want more but he doesn't, which from your descripition, you fall hard. flings are more ideal for people who can detach from their emotions.
You might as well enjoy it while you can. Both of you know it's going to happen. Might as well agree to enjoy what you can before it's too late.
To borrow from Nicholas Sparks, "Summer romances end for all kinds of reasons. But when all is said and done, they have one thing in common: They are shooting stars - a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, a fleeting glimpse of eternity. And in a flash, they're gone."
He can always come back for visits and theres nothing saying you cant visit him is there?? with the way that communication is now adays depending on how hard you hit it off this could be worth it.
i think you should go for it. ending it now would still be hard, so why not let it be amazing until it has to end?
Why not take your chance while it's still available? In the future, are you really going to say, "Boy, I'm glad I DIDN'T take a chance with that guy. Resisting the guy I was completely attracted to was the best decision I've ever made"?
Wouldn't you rather say, "I took a chance, and maybe it did hurt in the end, but I'm thankful for the little bit of love I was blessed enough to experience"?
you only live once!
Haha I'm going to be the cynic here.....I say give up. It's hard to control what you feel for someone especially since you said you know you fall hard. You can't go into it trying to control how you feel. Yet you will feel like you SHOULD or you NEED TO control how you feel because you know he will be leaving. It gets hard to deal with......so spare yourself. That's just my 2 cents or cent...or whatever @.@
Anyways take care!
do it! i dated the foreign exchange student for a month before he left, and i am similar to you in that i am not the "fling" type. it was fun and breezy and there was no pressure, and i learned a lot about myself. so i recommend you go for it. ;D
actually you should go for it. i currently am dating a foreign boy from Ukraine. I worked at a hockey rink for almost 4 years and thats where I met him because he was on the Springfield Jr Blues, which they play at my old work. When we first started dating I didnt think it would last, but weve been dating almost 8 months now and hes been back in Ukraine for 3 months now, and I completely trust him, hes basically, I guess, "obsessed" with me so I know I dont have to worry about him being unfaithful. So you just need to talk with him and see where he wants this "fling" to go.
well, think about it-- do you think you can just stop talking to him for the rest of the summer? cause if you're attracted to him, it's doubtful you can be like, you know, i like you and everything, but i just wanna be friends. so it's either run with it or stop talking to him completely. it might be easy for this fling- you KNOW he's going away, and you can prepare yourself and remind yourself daily. (: just don't 'wait' for him to leave, like don't count down the days. it's summer, just have fun and go with the flow if that's what you choose to do. (: and set up the rules of what you're expecting and what he's expecting if you do go for it. and btw, there's no dignity lost with a summer romance- as long as you don't send him back with nude pics to show to his german friends. :P
Im in a similar situation, except Im the one who will be doing the moving. The thing is, although the guy is awesome, hes not someone I could ever see myself in a relationship with, and that helps. Were honest. I dont feel like I "own" him. Im perfectly fine with him doing whatever he wants with whoever else. The thing is, we always end up spending the day together anyway. We both know that this will be nothing more than a summer fling. Its fun and lighthearted.
If you dont feel like lighthearted is something you can do, then you should probably start taking the steps to make sure you dont get hurt come September. Remind yourself that its not for forever. Maybe dont get as intimate. But I wouldnt say end it now. Theres no reason you cant enjoy each other for the time you have left.