The first guy (Guy A) is a couple years younger than me, but he had proved to me on multiple occasions that his intelligence did not only equal, but sometimes surpass, mine. I decided that I would give him a chance. I didn't expect anything serious to come of it, and I told him that I was uncomfortable with long-term commitment after my dating history. After two weeks I discovered that his maturity level wasn't quite up to par and that he was a bit too clingy, so I ended it. It didn't go very well, but it was a clean cut.
We hung out a few weeks later (something I was very uneasy about), and of course, he ended up kissing me. I can't make myself say no to guys when I believe their feelings to be genuine, afraid to disappoint them, so I let it happen... we dated without the label of dating for a week before I came to my senses and, once more, broke it off with him. This time, it was truly messy, and it ended with him carving my initials into his leg and calling me, crying.
I felt ridiculously guilty, as I knew I should have, but that was it. I refused to see him after that, knowing that things could only get worse until he could sort out his shit.
Guy B is a guy I've known for a long time. He's older than me by about three years and is in college, which automatically gives him appeal, especially considering his awe-worthy talent when it comes to poetry. I went to his house one day and he began hitting on me, but I told him that I didn't want anything intimate unless it came with the assurance that we were dating, and that he was willing to TRY committing.
He told me that I'd never be able to "have" him (aka date him). So he helped me through my problems with Guy A and gave me a confidence boost, and, lo and behold, a new romance began. He's never been the real romantic kind - he's usually more of a free-loving kind of guy, I guess you could say, and he uses his knack for words to his advantage in seduction - so I decided that I'd just go with the flow, that maybe commitment wasn't what I needed. I came to like the freedom of not having a label, and of being able to feel like I wasn't being owned, obligated, or anything of the sort.
Guy C begins talking to me. He's attractive and absolutely sweet, more innocent than the rest of the guys I've dated. I feel like I can get a fresh start with him. He invites me to visit him at work one day (he inspects boats for milfoil, which means most of the day, he's just sitting around in his car at the boat landing, waiting for boats to come in).
I'm shy, so I invite Guy A to come with me, since he's been begging to see me and I figure that no mayhem can ensue if we're out in public. We all meet at the boat landing and spend the day talking. I find myself becoming attracted to Guy C - he's a nice change of pace, a dare-devil sweetheart, if you will. I spend the whole day there with him, totaling to five hours (up to an hour after his shift was over).
Guy A keeps reading perverse things from the picnic table and flirting with me, pulling me into hugs and scooting closer to me, and I feel like he's ruining the whole innocent thing I was going for with Guy C, because I don't want Guy C to think that I'm as suggestive as Guy A is. 8 o'clock rolls around and we're still just hanging out - by now, Guy C and I are very close, and talking to one another - but Guy A is off in the distance, pacing, and acting strange.
Turns out that Guy A is having a drop from the high that his vicodin has given him (his throat had been messed up), and he's in a sort of manic depressive state. I drop what I'm doing, say a reluctant goodbye to Guy C, and drive Guy A home.
Guy B calls and asks if I'm leaving him for Guy C, who I told him I was talking to lately, and was going to see. I tell him that nothing is for certain yet, and that for all I know, Guy C only wants to be friends, all the while wondering why it would matter so much to the commit-o-phobe in the first place. He takes this to mean that I am going to stay with him, and calls again later to tell me how happy he is, and he even calls me his girlfriend, telling me that all he wants to do is cuddle me and watch Scrubs, and that sex isn't even on his mind for the first time in ages.
I don't want to crush Guy B; the reason for his fear of commitment is rooted in a terrible break-up involving his girlfriend cheating on him and the ensuing trust issues stemming from that. I don't even know how to handle Guy A's flirtatiousness, or the fact that he's taken up cutting again... and, well, Guy C, I suppose you could say, is my holy grail until I can sort this all out.
So, friends. I come to you for help. I know I've made a terrible mess of things, but how do you suggest I go about cleaning it up?
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Comments (74)
Drop guy A completely. Sorry, but that is so fucking immature. He's just trying to manipulate you. Not to mention he seems crazy and unstable. Totally not marks of maturity. He'll be more trouble than he's worth. Don't see him again, it'll just keep giving him hope and fueling is crazed nature.
Sounds like you're already in a relationship with guy B, so you probably shouldn't be seeing guy C. Or you need to officially break up with guy B first.
*face palm*
"The first guy (Guy A) is a couple years younger than me, but he had proved to me on multiple occasions that his intelligence did not only equal, but sometimes surpass, mine... and it ended with him carving my initials into his leg and calling me, crying... Guy B is a guy I've known for a long time. He's older than me by about three years and is in college, which automatically gives him appeal..."
this puts you at what, 16? and Guy A at what... 13??
Forget A. Dude is emotionally unstable. Carving initials after 1 week of dating? Most people wait until 2 weeks before that. Flip a coin between B and C.
You need to join a nunnery.
@nimbusthedragon@xanga - my father has said the same... maybe i should seriously consider this xD
I would definitely drop Guy A.
As for guy B & C. That's tough.I'm kinda leaning for Guy C.Maybe I'm crazy, but how could you even begin to think that that was a good idea? The guy (or should I say kid) is so emotionally unstable that he carves your initials into his leg, and yet you think it's a good idea to bring him out with you while you meet up with a another guy?
I think maybe you need to drop all three of them and start from scratch. But I guess if I had to choose, I'd say guy C.
Guy A should be gone. Guy C sounds like the least bad, in comparison. You're still high school? I dunno... Guy B sounds a little sketchy. And Guy A... you need to stop seeing him at all, because he sounds absolutely crazy and also... mad young.
@AuCinema@xanga - Absolutely.
Just have a gang bang with all three like the picture datingish put up.
drop guy a.... before he flips and kills your or himself.
drop guy b. he just wants sex.
get to know guy c a little better.
really i dont think you need to be in any relationship though.
drop guy A. i had a guy A. i met my guy A when i was 18 (i'm 21 now), all to make my current boyfriend (who was driving me nuts back then) jealous. we dated for two weeks. i wound up with two restraining orders, and even more police reports for stalking and harrassment, and i'm not the first person he's done that to. guy A, definitely out of the picture. as for guy B and C, i would say not to commit to either of them right now, guy B sounds shady to me, but you say you've known him a while, so idk. guy C sounds pretty good, but you don't seem to know him well yet. i would tell them both you're not looking for anything serious right now, and just want to feel things out. see how you click with both of them. there's no rush to commit to a serious relationship, you're young ya know? so just enjoy spending time with both of them and see where things go and all. but drop guy A, for sure. that sounds like so many problems.
Guy A. I have been there, "it ended with him carving my initials into his leg and calling me, crying".. He carved my name into his leg and told me that it was so he would always remember who hurt him, and kept telling me that because it was my name I did that to him. It really reallyyy messed me up. I didn't see him for a very very long time, and then we became friends. Just friends. We don't talk about the past. It's kind of okay, but it is on and off, we adore eachother but want to kill eachother at the same time.. Get out, now, and stay out.
Guy B. I have had one of those too, he is three years older than me and I 'dated' him (without that label) in my first year at university.. He made me feel amazing but pretty soon I relied on him for my self-esteem and then when he started making it plain obvious that it was just about sex (before he had covered that fact up with how charming he was) I basically lost all my confidence and crawled into a deep hole and just stayed there. Eventually I realised he wasn't right for me AT all, and after he admitted he wouldn't commit we became 'just friends', except he still hits on me all the time and I just tell him to bugger off, basically. Now we can both freely talk about other guys/girls and we're quite good friends, we just have a cuddle every now and again.
I think guy C is like the guy I'm just starting my 'new romance' with now, I've liked him for so long. (I won't go into detail because he's written about all over my blog)
I think you definitely need a fresh start, having had similar relations with guy A and guy B, and now guy C, I know for a fact that the fresh start is exactly what I needed.
If you go back to A or B, they will know they can mess you around and you'll go back to them..
A is not even an option at this point. he's out of his mind. B is alright, but he told you that you couldn't have him? who says that? it sounds like he's the type who is always going to want what the other guy has. i would keep going on with C, and see where things go.
I took this title literally and thought it was going to be something really sexy -_-
I can't help you with your conundrum beyond saying drop guy A.
@srsly__x@xanga - I agree.
Why are you still with Guy A again? If he cuts or try to attempt anything to harm himself, it's not your fault. You should let a responsible adult know of his actions.
Guy B, if you are not looking for commitment since you "came to like the freedom of not having a label, and of being able
to feel like you wasn't being owned, obligated, or anything of the sort," what's the harm in keeping him as a fwb? Obviously, he told you before that you could never "have" him, so he won't be committed to you. He just wants you around for the time being until he finds himself another fling.
Guy C, I would get to know him better and see if he meets your wants and needs. If you get serious with him, I would let Guy B know and come to an understanding that you two are just "friends" with nothing more to look forward to.
i think this suggests that you might not be ready to be in a relationship yet, just saying. but i think A should be gone - he seems like he could do something absolutely ridiculous to you or himself. as for B, if he really loves you and wants to be with you, nothing will stop him from overcoming his fear of commitment. love is supposed to break that wall of fear. if he's not ready, then he isn't ready for you. you shouldn't have to wait for him to overcome whatever needs he has. as for C, he hasn't even expressed any feelings towards you yet...so don't jump into conclusions...
Hmm... I wonder how being in college makes anyone an instant plus.... =\
You need to GROW UP before you consider dating anyone. I don't know if you're just starved for attention or what, but this is the most immature post I've read in a while.
okay, so the title is kind of misleading (i didn't choose it). i am not even considering guy A - i told him that i was not going to stay in contact with him, because nothing about our relationship was healthy.
also...@WhyHiTy@xanga - maybe you're right, as harsh as you were about it. :P
C
If you even have to ask this question as opposed to basing your answer on who you like, then all you're doing is choosing one for the sake of choosing while keeping two back-ups.
Furthermore, I'm going to tell you the truth about guys. Regardless of who you pick, it's unlikely that any of them will stick with you anyways. So you might as well pick any one of them like you pick the colours of your clothes and use him like a learning experience.
DROP A, guy B seems like he only wants sex with the no commitment even if he changes his mind. Guy C seems the best.
Why the fuck is this between three guys? Seriously? Why is A even in the running?
Secondly, no offense, but you are damn dumb when it comes to dating. To say you're not an expert is a complete understatement. You bring A along to see C? I could almost stub my toe on my jaw at this point. You proceeded to lead on a psychopath, maintain an on-again-off-again pseudo relationship with a dude who obviously shows no real sign of wanting to commit, and you missed an opportunity with a decent chance. I'd say you need more experience in the dating field, but shit, that might just be dangerous to everyone involved, mostly yourself.
OK, so that was a bit rant-y, but honestly, the best way to clean this mess up is to clean ALL of it up and cut them all loose. Maybe another year or so and you'll be level-headed enough to know what you're doing. We all make dumb mistakes when it comes to relationships, but from this description, yours tend to be larger than others.
thank you to everybody for your advice, and for not holding back. frankly, i think that i needed some real advice.
the real question here wasn't who i should choose (guy A was obviously not a choice in the first place), but rather, how i should handle cleaning up my mess. i think that i'll probably go with mcmeister89's advice and just cut off all ties, lay low for a while, and learn from my mistakes before i consider dating again.