Sunday, 18 July 2010
-
"Wait... You're NOT On Birth Control? No Fun."
Since last month when the colleges here let out, my boyfriend,K, and I have also gotten closer. Now, we've been having sex pretty much since we've started dating, I wouldn't have it any other way because it only helps me see that sex isn't the only thing I love about him. In fact I would be perfectly fine if we refrained from doing the dirty until after we're married, if it (hopefully) gets that far. Anyway, when he was in school we really weren't having sex that often, at least to me, and then school let out, which was only about a month ago, and we've managed to find time, and the privacy, to do it. One of the spots he has taken a liking to in his truck...and that's only because we were drinking and our make-out session went a little farther than intended.
Well just a couple of weeks ago we found ourselves in one of those situations where he had managed to get on top. Now make no mistake we don't plan these situations out, they just happen. It's hardly ever a time were we're like "How about we do something a little fun and funky tonight." No, nothing like that. It's always the whole "How the hell did that just happen again," sort of thing, but what was different about this time, was his question that left me speechless, to say the least. If I were to reveal one thing that's unlike me, it would be having nothing to say, so this was also surprising to me that night.
Before I go into what he asked me, I'll tell you about our conversation just a week before. This conversation consisted of me taking the plan-B, and start birth control. I was somewhat surprised that he came to me about it and actually wanted me to start birth control. That would normally mean the guy had no intention of stopping the whole sex thing 'till we're married, right? And we both want kids and all, but that wont happen until a while after the wedding or we're both out of college, or at least me so I could take care of the baby, but that still didn't prepare me for such a question that he had managed to render me speechless with.
He's made sure to pull out each and every time we've had sex and he needed to, but to randomly ask "What would you think if I didn't pull out," to someone who isn't ready to have kids, hasn't started BC yet, and is getting ready to start college, that was a bit of a WTF moment. And he's how our conversation after that sort of went:
Me: "....What?"
K: "Well you're on BC."
Me: "Um...not yet."
K: "Well that kind of ruins that fun."
Me: "Say what?"
So, as you can see that's kind of....awkward. I was trying to figure out what he meant by that while laying there about to say goodbye to him, and nothing came to mind other than the fact that he wants something else perhaps?
Has anyone else been in awkward situations like this? What did you say? How did you handle it? Is that something that should put red flags up for him wanting to add something else to our little world?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: RiRi_Ritchie
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 2 Views: 0 10049 Comments: 0 187 View all posts by RiRi_Ritchie
Comments (157)
Um, well, I would assume he was saying he didn't want to have to worry about pulling out. I can't see that it would be more complicated than that.
I don't really understand this. It literally doesn't make much sense. I have no idea what you're talking about, so I'll just comment based on what I think it is. Are you thinking this is a man's way of hinting that he wants kids??
I have to say that pulling out is a such a STUPID thing to do if you don't want kids right now, because it WILL result in them.
He wants you take birth control because... and here's a shocker, he doesn't want the responsibility of children. Constantly worrying about whether or not your girlfriend is pregnant because she's not on birth control and you're pulling out instead of using protection DOES ruin the fun.
You stated that you're not ready to have kids - it sounds like he isn't either.
I don't think you have to break up with him. He just doesn't want to get you pregnant.
Pulling out for him is a hassle because he has to stop himself from orgasming in order to pull out - do you know how annoying that is? I've stopped myself before .... it sucks.
i agree with the chick above me... its really stupid to think that you are not going to get pregnant using the pull out and pray method. i know a lot of children who were conceived that way. if you are going to have sex get on birth control, or plan on having kids soon.
it means that he wants to have sex without a condom if you're on BC and he doesn't really enjoy pulling out during the best part. and he doesn't want to have a baby yet because that isn't fun either when he isn't ready for the responsibility.
I hate that a lot of guys - definitely not all - seem to think that it's the girl's responsibility to make sure she doesn't get pregnant - ie, take birth control. GRR. No lads, wear a bloody condom.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - I think you got it dead on there.. (:
Here's a thought...use a condom and he wouldn't have to pull out nor would you have to start BC Pills.
Please tell me that you are joking when you say that you are using the pull out method. PLEASE. Also, I don't understand what's so confusing about what he said to you about birth control. He clearly wants to shoot his wad without having to pull out, I don't think there's much more to it than that. Sorry.
Finally, while you are waiting to get on birth control, please research this revolutionary new technology called the condom.
I dont understand the whole scenerio b/c its a bit jumbled up but based on what I understand, pulling out isnt a safe contraceptive. Im not saying abstinence (though that is the best contraceptive)....ehem...im not saying abstinence because its soley your choice (and you're bfs) but I think some sort of protection should be used.
even if he pulls out b4, there's still precum from the penis which can get u pregnant also... wuts so hard abt using a condom
@belladonnabutterflies@xanga - Yes I agree! A woman shouldn't be made to feel that it is all up to HER to take care of the birth control, especially by taking pills that mess with your hormones, can have side effects, and affect future fertility. It is selfish and plain sexism if he just expects YOU to do all the work! If you do not want to alter your body by going on the pill, but he doesn't want to use the pull out method (which is a stupid method, btw..) then he can JUST WEAR A CONDOM. They do NOT hurt if he says so tell him well its that or no sex, k thanks bye!
And he BETTER pull out if you do happen to be having sex without a condom or bc. If he doesn't that's pretty much sexual assault. No excuses of 'oh I just couldn't control myself' will ever be true.
condoms. use them.
condoms=no baby.
@Peppermint__Kisses@xanga - Exactly! (:
Use a condom and don't risk getting pregnant via the pull-out method!! You got four years of very hard work ahead of you. Don't add 'taking care of the baby' to your college schedule. Alot can happen in four years so don't jump the gun just yet by talking about marriage and kids.
You can't depend on plan B to save you every time you have a mishap either. Plan B becomes less effective the more you use it and it can harm your body if you take it frequently. It's not meant to be used as normal BC. Use a condom or see your doctor for birth control options.
uhm are you using condoms at all? You can still get pregnant from pulling out. No offense, but this guy doesn't sound very smart or responsible if he never asked you BEFORE you started having all this sex.
I don't get it! :( You've always had sex ... so you think now that you like more about him than just that? You're closer now because he wants to just have sex with you all the time? He doesn't think condoms are cool or whatever and he's being a little bitch about you not being on birth control, and you think you could stop having sex until you get married?
He doesn't want kids. He's just being a silly boy.
@AuCinema@xanga - Took the words right outta my mouth! :P
Are you not having sex with a condom? Because if you're just having sex and *hoping* not to get pregnant, that is just plain dumb. Either use a condom or get yourself on the pill. Condoms are obviously easier because they don't require a prescription, and if he tries to use the "I don't like sex with condoms" line on you, then he doesn't care about you as much as you think he does. Sex is a decision you make as a couple, and unless he's willing to raise a child with you due to his own lack of common sense in just putting a condom on, then you need to stand up for yourself and make him wear one.
Unless you're ready and willing to have kids (and it's clear that neither of you is) stop having unprotected sex or protect yourself!
@CrossYourHeart21@xanga - Exactly. Plan B is not contraceptive. It's an emergency fix-it.
I believe this should be discussed before hitting the sheets! And it shouldn't just be the girl's responsibility to be in charge of the contraceptives. It takes 2 to tango.
@Coffeebee@xanga - I agree with you, one needs to be smart and prepared. Zero tolerance for lame excuses like, "Sex doesn't feel as good with condoms..." And you're right, Plan B is only for emergencies. Other precautions need to be in place before getting involved sexually.
you can still get pregnant even with the pull out method.. for example: that is why i am alive.
Let me give you a little bit of advice. If you don't want to get pregnant but still have sex, there are only two options to choose. You can use both at the same time for extra measure.
1) Birth Control
2) Condom
Say it with me...NO GLOVE, NO LOVE!
Well, I can't blame him for getting tired of pulling out, because stopping an orgasm, which involves being very self-aware and not letting himself relax and enjoy it fully, really isn't fun for anyone. So going birth control does make sense in some ways. Condoms are simple and could be his responsibility and he wouldn't have to pull out. Somebody needs to do something to prevent pregnancy, and you both seem to know this already. I noticed you put "when he needed to" after the pulling out part, so I think I see that this isn't the only thing you do. According to this, withdrawal has a 26% failure rate, meaning that one in four couples using it as their only birth control method in a given year will have a pregnancy. Even if you don't use withdrawal all the time, is it worth the risk? Condoms and hormonal birth control both have a lower failure rate than withdrawal, anyway. I wish there were birth control pills for guys. That would be awesome.
Use a CONDOM! Hello! If he's not your first and vice versa, the threat of STDs is very really. Or are they STIs now?.. And just because you use a condom, it doesn't mean you're not going to have a kid. Statisically, on a few websites, condoms are 87% effective when used properly. Not everyone can wear a condom right apparently.
If you're not ready to have kids, you shouldn't be having sex.
DUH.
Do NOT trust the pull out method at all. Sometimes you get caught up in the moment and things can happen. And sometimes plan B does not work, even if you take it less than 12 hours after. You have to be very careful or you could end up pregnant. Tell him to wear a condom if you don't want to go on birth control. I hate using anything with hormones, but I hate condoms more. So I got as close as I could to not using hormones with the Mirena IUD. It is awesome.
But once again, I say do NOT trust the pull out method, or plan B.