I always thought it was the guys who were the jerks in the dating game. No offense, guys - I haven't had the most pleasant experiences with them when I was younger. But as I've gotten older, I've come to see that a big reason why many guys act like jerks is because of the way girls treat them.
Over the past few months, I've heard so many times how guys have gotten screwed over by a girl. And these girls are vicious. When a guy screws over a girl, typically it's because he cheats, or he ignores her, or doesn't call her, whatever. But after the girl gets mad, that's pretty much it. Guy's gone, and healing process can begin.
But I hear of these girls who will play these horrible games with these boys. And I feel so bad! No one deserves to be played like that.
One story I heard was a guy who liked a girl, even though she had a boyfriend. The girl and he would write little notes to each other, and then she gave him her number and they'd talk on the phone every night for a few weeks (obviously this was younger). Then one night her boyfriend called. After that she just stopped talking with him.
Obviously she liked the attention. But to lead him on like that just to trash him in the end? He said she never explained why, either. If you're going to ignore me, have a good reason first.
Another story is a guy who liked a girl, went the extra mile for her...just to find out she had this ex fiance who was trying to win her back. When you're trying to fight several people that doesn't sound fun.
And one I heard recently was when this guy and a girl had a fight, misinterpretations occur, and this girl jumps right from him to another guy. While they were dating, she'd ditch him often last minute, but he still held on. Anyway, it turned into a virtual war between them, and she went from him to this other guy and leaked some personal information about him. Wow.
I've noticed girls will continue the battle when it's over, and will lead boys on because they like the attention.
DON'T DO THAT!You see, I think guys are just as sensitive as girls. Our society though tells guys to be all touch and macho and crap, so I guess they just have to hide it or something. And I hear so often from guys that before they get their hearts broken, they would've done anything for the girl - the extra thousand miles, changing themselves, tons of chances...and then she screws him over, and they say "Fuck it" and have a permanent guard up. They don't want to open up. Why should they when so many girls act like this?
Girls, be careful with boys.
If you know he likes you, and you like talking with him, don't get all weird about it. Keep being friends with him. If he really likes you, he'll respect that. Unless he's trying to get in your pants or your intuition tells you otherwise I don't see why you have to drop him from the face of the earth.
If you like someone else, have a boyfriend, or just like being single, and a guy likes you,
let him know from the beginning. Don't lead him on. I know the attention is flattering, but trust me on this one, there's not much worse than seeing a guy's face crumble when you tell him you just had platonic friendly pursuits.
If you're trying to get a boy's attention, please for the love of God don't hook up with other boys or flirt with them. Dating is hard enough without people playing games. The thought of stringing a lot of guys along sounds fun, and for awhile, it can be, but when you've got to tell these guys that they were just a stepping stone, it's a huge blow. And most likely you won't get the guy you're pursuing.
And please,
stop dragging on a heartbreak. Stop telling your ex about how awesome your new boyfriend is. Stop running back to him saying you love him, to only toss him away. Boys are not property. They're people, and can hurt just like you.
Girls tend to be more forgiving. Guys tend to retaliate more. That's what I've seen from my experience.
Please be careful. Guys are generally sweet, but it's hard to bring that out when you're hurt.
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Comments (45)
way to be. you got your post on both lovelyish and datingish p:
It's nice to hear this from a girls point of view. Just last semester I was fucked over by some girl I like. It's cool, I thought I had a chance but then at the end she ends up with this guy she just met.
Maybe it's cause I never had the courage to actually ask her out. But hey, I thought all that time I spent with her actually meant something.
Eh, I play games with boys sometimes. But only boys who think of me as an object that exists solely for them to fuck. And really, those guys don't come around too often anymore. I never do it to any guy who's genuinely interested in me for more than sex, though. That'd be cruel.
I don't know if it's possible to say that women mess with men more or that men mess with women more. I really don't know if that can be proven. I've heard stories from both ends, honestly. I say everyone just be nice to everyone..? :)
Nicely written! Thank you, thank you!
Same with this girl recently that I'm seeing, but she's been getting better so I hope that's a good sign....But personally I've found that it also helps if I declare to the girl what I'm looking for before I even really talk to them. In this case I told the girl I'm seeing I'm ONLY interested in dating or having a relationship with her and if she was taken or whatever then I have no interest in being friends since I know I liked her and I would go a few hundred or thousand miles for her haha =X
But good thing she was single and she was interested in me too but she's still messing with me at times and I allow her.....I really shouldn't.....sigh @.@
Anyways take care!
People should just be nicer, period.
"...guy's face crumble when you tell him you just had platonic friendly
pursuits" <-- yeah, not a very good feeling...
Thank you.
I agree with another user, that the guy should tell her what he's looking for first. But they need to be honest with each other. No crap, no lies. Just be honest. If you like someone, tell them your feelings. It may not be easy, but at least they'll know.
Thank you! I feel the same way, and hate watching my friends play these games with boys who seem to genuinely like them, and have no idea what they're getting into. Girls, we need to be smart about the whole thing, not abusive!
Thanks. I could relate to most of you examples, and your right about most of what you said, it's nice to know some has a heart out
there.
I thank you on behalf of all the guys out there.
It's when you tell them that you have a boyfriend and that you JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS, but they still continue to pursue you.. THAT gets annoying.
@andsoshewrites@xanga - I didn't think both would feature it, and at the same time :P
Yep, this is why it takes a lot for me to want to date a girl. I have to make sure she's not pulling some stupid bullshit first, and that can take some time. Great post.
Just recently I'd been seeing a girl for awhile, when all the sudden contact broke off. I had no idea why. It picked up again a week later like nothing happened, and since I have issues with pushing too hard or over interpreting a situation, I decided to let it slide. Later I found out she had spent that week pursuing another guy, and only came back to me when she couldn't be with him. Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: her.
Unfortunately far too many of my friends have similar stories where the girl holds on until she can be assured a new BF.
At least when a guy is cruel or retaliatory, he'll be damned sure you know why. If a girl is, often times the guy won't even know. I've even been given the line "well if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you." Then don't be surprised when this shit happens again!
Umm???
I've seen my fair share of people (regardless if they are male or female) who screw each other over. I think everyone just need to grow up and respect each other. Treat each other the way you would want someone to treat you. Bc fact is, guys and girls screw each other over. Instead of, "Girls, Please Be Nicer to Boys," it should of had been, "Boys and Girls, Please Be Nicer to Each Other."
I honestly agree, i've been in college 4
years and i cant tell you how many times i have been fucked over cuz i
finally opened up to a girl and got strong feelings for her. If women
would just be honest and say they just want a friendship or a
fuckbuddy, then life would be a helluva lot easier. Ladies i promise
you that 75% of guys are not assholes looking to just get laid and they
really do want a girlfriend. All you have to do is be sincere, if you
like the guy then fan-fucking-tastic i hope it works out, but if you
don't then tell him. Its not hard for a girl to get attention or find a
guy to be nice to her, its how we were raised. But its extremely hard
for a guy to get a girl. I grew up to be a gentleman and show
chivalry....problem is that i do wear my heart on my sleeve and i do
end up falling for a girl way to easy and i can tell i have had my
heart ripped out so many times by girls who just want some attention or
want make somebody else jealous. But i have had girls be upfront with
me and i love that, then i know to not have anything with her. I'm just
sayin, ladies, please be gentle, we are ppl just like you trying to be
happy, find someone special, and love somebody.
I agree with this post... that people just shouldn't mess around with others' feelings.
I've had a guy friend use me (b/c I LIKED him) and then he told me he wasn't interested in me.. I was pretty hurt. He just turned out to be a big asshole. He wasn't even going to tell me that he wanted to be just friends with me. Or if he tried to tell me, he didn't do a very good job. I had to ask him, unfortunately.. meh. Oh well.
Or guys will just stop talking to me and not tell me why. I don't want to play games. I just want the truth, even if the truth hurts.. because face it, truth hurts but it's something everyone needs to hear.
This goes both ways: Don't let them fall if you had no intention of catching them from the start... 'coz that's just not right.
@cherrie_heart03@xanga - I know, I agree with you. I don't understand why people blame one sex or the other. Both women and men need to be nicer to each other.
we blame the opposite sex because they hurt us. we put ourselves out there, and they lied, or cheated or just straight up used us. being around guys and how they talk about girls and relationships is why i act like a bitch.
treat em like dirt they stick like mud.
SOME girls are bitches. A lot of girls aren't like that tho.
Someone finally acknowledges this problem! Props!
Good post! I have thinking a lot about this recently because of a situation one of my guy friends is in with this girl who is treating him horribly. It's time people need to realize that it's not okay for girls to treat guys like shit, just like it's not okay the other way around.
this one guy told me that guys are the way they are because they've had there heart broken so many times. it all makes sense... thanks for bringing this on to the spot light because girls are just as bad!