We often say that we like to live life with no regrets, and sometimes we even say that we don't have any regrets at all. And maybe I'm the only imperfect person in the world, but I definitely have regrets, even in my current relationship. And I don't think there are many people who really do live without any regrets.
But I was talking to one of my closest friends the other day about her and her relationship, and I think they're pretty good in the regret-free department. I had asked her how she would feel if she and her boyfriend broke up, and her answer surprised me and made me evaluate my and other relationships.
She said that she would be sad, of course, because they have already been dating for more than a year and a half. But what got to me was when she said that she would be able to walk away, even be friends with him, with a clear and peaceful heart. There would be no bitterness at all.
She went on to say that even though people may make fun of her and her boyfriend for being careful, especially with their physical intimacy like holding hands or even kissing, she's so grateful that her boyfriend respects her and desires her purity so much that he wouldn't compromise her physical integrity. Ultimately, because he hasn't violated her in any way and she hasn't given too much or too sacred of a part of herself to him, there can't be any kind of bitterness at the end for taking or giving too much.
For we know that's usually the case. We regret what we have lost, even what we, at one point, had given freely. In the moment it all feels right, but in retrospect, we should have hold on to whatever we gave away more tightly.
I came to respect my friend and her boyfriend a lot after that conversation and their care for each other's emotional health. I can only imagine, of course, how hard it is for her boyfriend, who probably wants to be physically intimate with her. But it's also very honorable to me that he would put his desires aside for her sake.
I don't know if it's possible to have no regrets at all, for I know that my friend definitely has regrets in terms of arguments that she has had with her boyfriend and how she had reacted to him. But I think my friend and her boyfriend are doing a great job of leading a relationship to be healthy and regret-free.
Of course, people can argue that it isn't a point to be careful, that couples should just let loose, have fun and enjoy each other while their relationships last. But I don't know how much I can agree with that, especially since, in the end, the emotional damage is so grave.
What do you think? Is it possible to have a regret-free relationship? Do you and your SO to be careful in terms of what you may regret later on?
Recommend
Comments (18)
The thing is, you don't know what you'll regret. So after you've examined the potential consequences and decided what you can live with and what you can't, just do whatever without being afraid of regretting it. Maybe you'll regret something, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll regret taking a risk if it backfires, maybe you'll regret being too careful in the end. You never know. You just have to figure out what you want, what sort of person you want to be, and learn to figure out what sorts of things will allow you to become that sort of person and what sorts of things will detract from it.
I have none.....
no. but for me, it's VERY true that i regret all the things i didn't do, rather than the things i did. well..... most. but either way, you always have choices. even not doing something is a choice to do something else.
I really don't think that she is in a position to say that until said break-up actually happens. It is easy to imagine a positive outcome for a break up with a person you are still getting along with and happy with. What if the lack of physical intimacy eventually starts to cause strain on their relationship? What if it leads him to cheat on her someday? What if she regrets the things she didn't do, rather than the things that she did? It is very possible that things could change and she will, in fact, walk away bitter and regretful. For her sake, I hope none of those things happen, but still, let's be realistic.
i think it's possible to have a regret free relationship but i've never had one without any regrets.
I don't think you can be so sure until it actually happens. They're still in the relationship...and I would feel just as grateful for the guy if he would respect my morals. She sure has a keeper there!
I had regrets even though I wasn't sexually intimate with the guy because it was mainly emotional hurt. the physical part of intimacy may be withheld but you can't really keep your heart safely locked away from being damaged. I think having regrets isn't necessarily a bad thing. often times I have regret when I loved the person and it hurt me that the relationship didn't work out. it depends on the situation. if the person cheated for example, then I think it'd be easier to not have regrets of leaving the person but there would probably still be regret that the person you trusted and loved wasn't who you thought the person was, etc. I think having regrets means that I did some self evaluation, recognized my feelings whether they are good or bad and came to terms with it rather than the negative connotation of having regrets because one made bad decisions.
I have regretted doing more rather than less in my relationships... As a matter of fact, in future relationships I only want to take it so far physically, at least for awhile, because of my last two relationships that did not work out. I feel like sexual intimacy makes it that much harder to let it go in the end because you realize that not only did you give away a piece of your heart, but also your body. Then in the next relationship, you do the same thing again, and if it doesn't work out, there's another person you've been intimate with. I don't think it's possible to KNOW you won't have regrets, but minimizing the physical aspect of a relationship definitely minimizes the possible regrets, in my opinion.
i think everyone regrets. whether in relationship or life. they just do. but to make them feel better about life or situation.. they rationalize that they do not infact regret it.. they say things like.. i enjoyed the experience, i learned smt from it, but in the i think there is regret BUT there is noting wrong with rationalizing or justifiying why the regret is not there. it helps them sleep better and as long as it doest hurt anyone or their mentality .. it couldnt hurt, in my opinion
I think it's very possible.
Regret is a choice. Everyone is going to make mistakes. I know I'm not thrilled with every decision I've made thus far in life. But I wouldn't go back and do anything differently. I've chosen instead to look back, learn from my mistakes, and move on with my life and hope to get it right next time. The truth is, what's done is done, and you can't change the past. To waste your time regretting something is just going to make you miserable.
In this situation especially, I think it's very possible that she wouldn't feel regret. It seems like things are working out for her, so why should she regret anything? The way I see it, if you're happy with your current state, then there is no reason to look back on any part of your past with regret.
You could argue that I'm rationalizing my emotions, which I suppose I could be, but I just hate the idea of regret. I'd rather live without it - you only get one life, you know?
well my ex and I dated for 2 years and we had a very messy and emotional breakup, and even though it took me a whole year to finally get over the pain and hurt... I don't regret him.
He made me who I am today. I loved him and I can't regret something that made me smile and made me feel good about myself. Like that saying goes, "never regret something that once made you smile" because your past is what makes who you are today (and hopefully a lot better and wiser than who you were yesterday).
I've been in a relationship where we didn't go past kissing. I was so relieved when the relationship was over that I didn't give more to him, but regardless, I still had feelings of regret in dating him in the first place. I don't think there is such thing as a regret free relationship, but I do think, and know, some people who live with the attitude that they won't have any regrets.
It's all a matter of perspective.
I don't regret anything, there is nothing I could do to go back and change anything. It's made part of me up. The sadness and the stress. I can say like would have been a little happier without certain events, but where would I be then? What kind of person? I say, if you can live without regrets, then great, if not, that's okay, too.
Believe me, if I were to regret, there would be a lot. To me, there's just bad memories, which over time fade.
It really does depend.
The boy I was with for about 3.5 years, it had its ups and downs, definitely.
I regret some things (like taking him back numerous times after him hurting me), but I guess the memories weren't so bad.
I want to say I don't regret it, because I learned from it A LOT - especially dealing with pain.
Another boy, who was such a dear friend of mine... I regret kissing him because I ruined everything. He was a dear friend and at that moment I was living my life a bit too recklessly.
I guess in all relationships or whatever, there's a lesson learned.
i don't really ever feel regret. not because i'm perfect, far from it, i make mistakes all the time, some of them very serious (though more in my life than in relationships, i sometimes feel like my relationship w/my SO is the only functional area of my life), but because i think it's a pointless emotion. you can't change things, you can only learn from them. i think it depends on how you look at it. i think you can somewhat control how you feel about things by controlling how you think. when i start feeling regret over something, i try to spin on it a little and think about what i've learned from it, or how getting through certain things has shaped who i am today. if all else fails, it's kind of just like fuck it, can't change it anyway, ya know? but i generally think all the bad shit makes you stronger or whatever, so i choose to see it that way, so i don't usually feel regretful
i don't think it's possible to not have regrets. i've tried telling myself i don't, that everything i've done has taught me something or has worked out later on down the line. but honestly, even if i know that's true, i can't help but regret things sometimes. and it's always the same thing too..
I have been living my life so far with no regrets. It is possible.
@chiffon_pixie@xanga - That's a great way of looking at it... like everything that happens is for a reason, stuff that you can learn and grow from. I guess it's just about some things that people wish they could have avoided... whether pointless or not