I've often wondered what place emotion and logic have in relation to one another within the realm of romance. Maybe they're like a system of checks and balances, engaging one another in a never-ending struggle to dictate our behavior.
Emotion provides the ever-popular spark of interest in another person. The heart races. Blood pressure rises. Infatuation sets in. Emotions drive our passion and influence our moods, coloring our rational minds with jealousy, excitement, and irrationality.
Logic, on the other hand, helps us make sense of what we see, feel, and experience. Normally, sound logic can influence us to make good, well-reasoned decisions. Logic keeps our feet on the ground and our heads out of the clouds.
When I was younger, I believed that people could like and dislike whomever they chose, solely through the use of logical thinking. My theory was simple: If I became attracted to a girl, and that girl turned out to be doing something that I disagreed with ethically or morally, then focusing on that disagreeable action would force me to stop liking her. Logic could trump emotion every time. It was a comforting theory - until I experienced firsthand how wrong it really was.
The short version of my story is that I refused to date anyone who wasn't a virgin, but that standard was compromised when I started falling for a girl who wasn't one. My emotions were superseding my logic and betraying my standards. It was then that I realized that emotions cannot always be tempered by logic.
And now, many years later, I'm experiencing that same battle between emotion and logic in romance. I've met a girl whom I like, but I don't know much about her and I am moving out of town in three weeks. Logic tells me, "Forget her. You're moving away, and you don't want to try another long-distance relationship. Besides, she may not even believe the same things you do. You two could be completely wrong for one another. She may not even be single! Just ignore this infatuation."
My emotion, on the other hand, is saying, "You like her. She's beautiful and sweet, and you know that you would love getting to know her. Who cares if you're moving away? You like her! Focus on that." I can't shake those thoughts. Emotion is winning again.
Not surprisingly, our emotions are powerful enough to drive us to betray our most fundamental beliefs. Tiger Woods, Mark Sanford, Bill Clinton, Al Gore, Eric Massa, John Ensign, and John Edwards are just a few examples of prominent men who have let their emotions ruin their marriages, careers, and public images.
Many times, however, men and women in relationships are untouched by unfaithfulness and affairs, because they are committed to one another and don't allow their emotions to go unchecked, straying toward some other person. In these cases, logic overpowers emotion.
So, in light of these examples, I ask: To what degree do we have control over our emotions? Some? None? Does it depend on the person or situation? Moreover, does emotion trump logic more often than not, or is it more complicated than that?
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Comments (29)
I'm not sure that, in the case of infidelity, emotions are trumping logic. I think in that case it's simply emotions checking other emotions. But I think logic is a big problem when we don't keep them somewhat in balance- like when people stay in abusive relationships because they "believe" the other will change rather than follow their logic and realize that is improbable.
Fuck that shit, man. Use your head, not your heart. There are more than enough fish out there to choose from.
I think control of emotions depends on the individual.... I usually rule with whatever my heart believes, but I still use logic and reality in my relationships. However, that being said, I focus more on the negative things when I'm using my logic.
I think there should be, somewhat of a balance with emotions and logic (I can't say perfect balance... nothing is perfect). Too much of either is no good.
In previous relationships I solely acted on heart. My previous relationship I solely acted on logic. All have ended.
Although, I feel that following ones logic cuts through a lot of BS and in a weird sort of way, cuts to the heart of the matter. In a way it allows one to fully embrace our own heart and the heart our partner is giving us.
Here's a GREAT example! For those of you who know my blog and have read it, you can skip my comment.
My recent ex Pete and I broke up for the third time over 1 1/2 years. He's been very stupid, pushing me away when all I wanted to do was get close to him and love him. He did this by criticizing me when he was depressed, drinking too much, smoking weed too much, and generally just lying to me a lot. Logically, looking back, this was a really bad relationship to be in. Through counseling, I've been able to see that I shouldn't have subjected myself to this and should have walked away when the bad signs started popping up. Emotionally, I still care for him, deeply. I still want to marry him and have his babies and just live a long, happy life with him. BUT, that can't happen until he rebuilds my trust in him and until I finally feel it's okay to give him another chance.
the heart is completely unreliable. logic FTW.
Neon Trees' album cover.
In my current relationship, I rely soley on my heart, not my head. He is controlling--and I'm aware of this. But I love him so I put up with it all. Stupid, I know...
those men in your examples are respected in their field of work and thought they were getting away with the perfect crime of cheating but they were eventually caught and criminals or people with a criminal mindset, which I think infidelity behavior is considered criminal, so criminals tend to use more logic than emotion. then again, there are dumb criminals
although it seems like emotion got the best of them, I think their logical conniving mind was working at full speed so they knew what they were doing but did it anyway out of emotion and mostly their calculating logic to deceive others by sneaking around with sociopathic personas. it depends on the the situation though and I'm talking about infidelity. your situation is different. I've let emotions control me but in the end, logic kicked in or my guilty conscience won over my emotions or reality set in and I had to accept it. I'm in denial often so my selfish emotions usually win.
If your logic says something is wrong, never ever trust your emotions.
I lol'd with the checks and balances of relationships.
i like this post :] my logic and emotions are at war right now
@MeStripped3@xanga - WALK. THE. FUCK. AWAY. OR BETTER YET, RUN!!!!!!!
none. in actual love, emotion trumps logic to such a complete extent you don't realize when you are or arn't behaving logically. the euphoria is just too overwhelming
welcome to my life. you just do what you can to try and get by, i'd say. it's quite difficult to always maintain an equal balance.
I've experienced pretty much the full spectrum of emotions to very strong degrees. Logic can win every time, but for a while it takes a very significant effort. When emotions, or especially hormones, are overwhelming it's best to back out of the situation to meditate.
I wish I could think more with my head, but I can't... because my heart always fucks me over. I fall in love with the ones I shouldn't fall in love with. I don't even know how to use logic to somehow force myself to stop loving them. It sucks.
I prefer logic 99% of the time. So much so that it sometimes scares me. Things that would normally hurt emotionally can be retired to things that logically aren't that important and there for set on a back burner.
Of course, that 1% of the time that I'm not logical, you'd better run like hell.
It's not one or the other. It's a good balance of both that produce the best relationships. Either choice won't work 100% of the time.
You might not be able to control your emotions, but you can always control your actions.
A couple of questions: Why would you think your decision to only want a virgin was logical in the first place?
What emotions do you think the powerful people are being swept away with when they're unfaithful? They don't "Love" the people they're fooling around with, they might not even like them or be particularly attracted to them (Monica Lewinski was no beauty queen, and she was no rocket scientist either). In my cynical opinion, almost anyone would cheat under the right circumstances. If I hear someone bragging that they would never cheat, I imagine that person in a hotel bar, away from home and alone where there's little chance of being caught, and being pursued by a very attractive, sexy, charming, intelligent person that hands them their hotel room key. Add a few Martinis into the mix, correct lighting, soft music, I think nearly anyone would take the keys. If he or she does, does that mean they've stopped loving their spouse? Of course not. They took advantage of an opportunity. Is it logical to take advantage of opportunities? Maybe; if you can live with yourself and you know you won't be caught. Rich, wealthy, powerful people cheat because they can and because they feel they're entitled. More often than not, the only emotion involved is the sense of entitlement.
Logic should rule. Think, don't feel; prove, don't claim; show don't tell. Think about what virtues you'd like in a partner, and what faults you couldn't live with, start from there.
I tend to veer more to logic side of things. But I think that depends on how you were brought up and your experiences. I've learnt not to wear my heart on my sleeve.
Sometimes it's easier to bow to logic, and not go for it. I think emotion lends to spontaneity, most definitely and I'm not the most spontaneous. I prefer to go for the safe, comfortable, sensible option. The one that makes most sense. Therefore I have missed out on experiences, loves, excitement. Whatever. But I guess a part of that is definitely influenced by my faith, and setting myself standards and waiting for that guy that God has got for me, etc. etc. So I'm not making do with the 'in-between', make-do relationships. I'm very much a believer in gut instinct. haha if all that makes sense at all!!"http://www.slumberparties.com/checkout/productdetail.aspx?ID=575"
That should help w the gag reflex it numbs your throat :)
From my past experiences, using my head instead of my heart really helped me.
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