Thursday, 15 July 2010
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The Relationship Hoppers
I find it somewhat amusing when people jump from one relationship right back into another.
I have this one friend whose relationship status will stay “In a Relationship” consistently - she won't even change it back after a break-up, as long as she can find somebody quickly enough after her previous relationship ends. Sometimes we’ll be on the phone talking, and she’ll say “My boyfriend acts so dumb sometimes,” to which I say something like “Jay always act foolish. But don’t you just love him for it?.”
She’ll pause for about 10 seconds, and then say: “I broke up with Jay yesterday. I’m talking about my new boyfriend, Steven.” There’s always this long, awkward, wtf silence between us - until one of us hangs up.
There are times when I feel sorry for her - can I blame her for not learning to love herself first, before she gets herself involved with someone else? Still, I know there are times when I do become lonely and somewhat desperate, but I will NEVER EVER jump into a relationship.
My friend isn’t the only one who does this. I have plenty of friends who can’t wait to start another relationship immediately after one ends. I have a guy friend who views being single as a sort of sickness, and that its only medicine is to start up a relationship….WITH ANYONE. He’ll talk to a girl, claim he likes her, start a relationship, and she ALWAYS end up breaking it off with him.
Why? Because he’s a damsel in distress, seeking another damsel in distress. He’s just a train wreck waiting to happen.
My friends tell me that I'm not in a relationship because “Well, you’re used to being single.” Well, no, I actually love being single. If I went out with every guy who claimed he liked me, I would be so fucked with a bad reputation, and probably a shitty personality. Either way, I don’t jump and will not jump into any relationship - under any circumstances.
Do any of you know relationship hoppers?
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- From: NeoSoul
- Name: NeoSoul
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Comments (58)
I know waaaay too many people that do this.
Yeah, my friend was like this..and eventually she ended up with a kid and not knowing who the father is..geez.
wow, I have never known anybody that extreme. I have friends who don't like being single but they will take time to grieve over a breakup. I couldn't tolerate that kind of hopping from any of my friends as you just described. I get easily annoyed. I'd be the one hanging up for sure. I'm glad none of my friends are like that though.
Seems like nearly everyone who isn't just a bed hopper. I'm neither btw.
those people crack me up. i literally get so much amusement from following them via facebook and whatnot.
i am a different sort of relationship hopper. i love being single, but as soon as i break it off with a guy, i usually either wind up getting back with him, or meet someone and start dating them immediately, despite the fact that it's not what i want. it makes no sense really. i guess i'm easily lured; affection is always tempting.
I have to say I "used" to be a relationship hopper - do not get this confused with a bed hopper (lol). I just love being with someone, but I wasn't that extreme. I knew when I had to take time off to heal myself from the last relationship before I get into another one. I just don't jump into a relationship with anyone either. I have to know him for a while before I actually get into a relationship with him. The time frame from my last relationship to a new relationship would be three to five months in between.
Or who knows. Maybe what I'm doing isn't considered a relationship hopper. I just move on fast.. *shrugs* And the guys that I date are people that I already know.. mm.
Haaa yeah my best friend.
Her and her boyfriend, who became her fiancé -way- too soon if you as me (he proposed over Facebook as well, wtf), well anyway, they were always arguing and would break off their "engagement" because of something silly like my friend getting him the wrong drink... Anyway, they had a pretty unstable relationship and tbh I wanted them to break up. Eventually they did, again, and this surprisingly was actually the last time! Amazing. Anyway, she was severely depressed about it and was going on constantly about how she was going to wait and wait for him even if it took years blahblah.
2 days after the end of her engagement she was with her new boyfriend.
That is what happens EVERY time.
SO MANY. Codependency is a bad, bad thing.
My last two relationships overlapped each other by a few days (long story). However, that was the only time it ever happened, and I highly doubt it will happen again.
I prefer being in a relationship over being single - I like choosing the path that is less predictable. But since I don't actively seek relationships, I don't consider myself to be a relationship hopper.
I always feel the need to think really, really hard about going into a relationship with anyone, even if it's someone I like. x_x
i'm a relationship hopper. not gonna lie. i just find myself attracted to a lot of guys... the last relationship i hopped into lasted 3 years. its probably going to end soon, and if it does i will be with someone else immediately. i just tend to keep a list of back up guys. that's terrible i know.
im sadly one of them
Man, I am sick of people hating on those who go from relationship to relationship. It's not always bad and unhealthy. The people who do it sometimes already know how to love themselves. And everyone is codependent in a relationship. EVERYONE. Unless you just don't give a fuck about the other person. Their actions are going to affect yours.
I know what I want in a relationship. I tend to get what I want. In the last seven years or so, I have been single for maybe a total of 4 or 5 months. I am always in a relationship. I have yet to be abused, gotten knocked up, been cheated on, or even dated a complete asshole. When I'm single though, I kind of turn into a self-destructive slut. I'm happier in relationships. I function better having someone else. This doesn't mean that I'll settle for just about anyone. I just know how to move on, identify men that I want to be with, pick one, and stick to him.
I know myself. I like myself. In fact, I'm probably a little egotistical and overconfident. I have a nice collection of friends who I talk to and see on a regular basis. I do well in school. I have a wide variety of hobbies. My life is in order and I am a serial monogamist/relationship hopper/whatever you want to call it.
I'm just saying that it works for some people. And I am honestly a little sick of my single friends judging how "serious" my relationships are when the guys they pick to fawn over are horrible choices. I'm sick of them questioning me about whether or not I'm in it for the right reasons or if I'm moving too fast, etc. I understand that their being single sucks, but that doesn't mean they should use it as an excuse to bash my relationship or relationships in general. Not to say that you're doing this! I mean...it sounds like the only thing your friend and I have in common is that we're always in a relationship. Anyway, I just wanted to show you the other side of relationship hopping.
Me. I'm totally guilty of this crime. :( Sorry I'm not perfect.
Oh my god!!! My very best friend is the same way!! She broke up with her boyfriend 3 weeks ago and a week later she was already seeing someone. They're officially dating. She can't breathe without having another guy wrapped around her arm. It's ridiculous and i find it kind of disgusting. I always tell her to take some time out of the dating world and be single. Do single things or just simply hook up with people but she doesn't get it. I feel bad for the new guy cause it doesn't seem like he's 100% on the same boat as she is. It's a disaster waiting to happen.
I've never done this, and I know I'll never be able to. It's just too weird for me. I broke up with my last boyfriend 3 years ago, and I'm still patiently biding my time...
The reason I'm personally against relationship hopping is because it seems like the hopper wants the relationship for the sake of being in a relationship, not for the person. In a way it's kind of selfish.
Of course, if hoppers only date other hoppers, then fine. But I think some people who are looking for a long-term relationship would feel insulted knowing that a hopper is probably just dating them for the moment.
I don't date and I prefer to be single so I'm not too sure, really. I just find it unsettling when a person I know is so dependent on a relationship that they don't know how to be happy otherwise.
I have been guilty of this. I ended up being in a relationship two months after a relationship of a year and a half ended. Then high school? Oh geez, don't even get me started! Back then, I'd be single for 2 weeks to a month, then'd I'd find myself with another boyfriend. =P The longest I've been single for since I started dating was 9 months.
The thing is, I am NOT afraid of being single, but while I am still pretty young, I'd like to play the field a bit, with the intention of finding someone who wants a long term commitment. I wouldn't jump into a new relationship a few days after breaking up with someone else (for me... that's a bit much... high school maybe, but now? no) But if I meet someone who I like, and who likes me, I like taking a chance and giving chances, because you never know who you might end up with.
There's a bit of a difference between just going from relationship to relationship.... and then there's sleeping around... which is a worse version.
I feel the EXACT same as you do. I do not jump into relationships and I would be f*cked if I went out with every guy who said he liked me. Unlike a lot of girls, it sounds like WE see if THEY are good enough for US first; unlike many girls who just go for any guy who likes her.
I love this post! I have friends who do this... and know a lot of people who do. I wonder how they can do that.
hmm... I did this once... But the relationship I was leaving was such a lonely one. I felt like I wasn't with anyone at all. I would see him maybe once a week for three hours, talk to him ten minutes every three days, and he lived right across town! I spent too much time grieving the relationship while I was in it that when I finally met someone else, I didn't need to spend any more time crying over him.
It's not my type of thing. However, you speak of it as if it's a bad bad habit. To me, it's just a personal preference. No need to be so judgmental :)
This year has been a relationship hopping year for me.
It sucks to love two people at once.
Amen, sista. I've learned to love the single life and these "relationship hoppers" annoy me so much. I feel sorry for them in a way. Learn to be on your own! Once you're comfortable, you will love the lifestyle.
I know people like this too... I'm not sure how they do it, honestly. I simply can't do it. After one relationship ends, it usually takes me some time to really be attracted to someone else anyways. I'm over a month after my last relationship ended, and I've had no interest to start another one. Now, I can definitely DATE new people after a relationship ends (usually takes about a month before I even want to think about someone new), but a real relationship just can't happen for me until I'm happy with who I am again.
how do they do this! i can hardly find a guy i want to be with period, much less have them lined up?
Yeah my friend Kristin. She's pretty fucked up. She's a community college drop out stoner now, we hardly talk anymore.