Wednesday, 14 July 2010

• To All My Single Ladies: Respect Yourselves!

  

  Why is it that even some of the strongest, most successful and independent women I know find themselves lacking confidence when it comes to men? Although not purposely, women constantly worry about how they appear in front of men, with the exception of women who have been seeing someone for a relatively long time. 

  The insecurity starts when a man asks a woman out on a date. (This is assuming that we are talking about an older, more mature crowd, rather than men who seek relationships with women for different reasons.)

  "What if he finds me unattractive?" "What if he doesn't like me?"

  1. Women, if a guy asked you out on a date, it means that he has already seen something in you that he likes. He wants to get to know you better, which is why he took a chance and asked to spend some time getting to know you. 

  2. Don't sell yourself so short. You are a very unique individual. You may have flaws, but so does everyone else. Rather than focus on that, focus on the qualities you have which make you a great catch. Do not think even think for a second that it is your sole duty to impress him. He should consider himself lucky to get to spend time with you. In any case, it is important to remember that this so-called "impressing" goes both ways. Rather than stress yourself out wondering what he thinks of you, ask yourself whether or not this guy is truly worth your time. Does he possess the qualities which you consider important? Have the self-confidence and courage to not settle for just any guy. By being confident in yourself and in what you could potentially offer in a relationship you are letting him know that you are not someone he can take for granted. You are showing him that you should be treated with respect. Otherwise, later down the road if you start to feel that your efforts are unappreciated and that he does not respect you as he ought to, ask yourself if he is really the one to blame when from the beginning, you showed him that it is only he who matters in the relationship.

  3. Do not be afraid to be yourself. In fact, in the long run, this is easier and less messy. If a guy cannot appreciate you or accept you for who you are, do not conform to be his ideal woman. This goes back to what I said previously: believe that you are a woman of worth and it should not be expected of you to mold yourself into the woman of his dreams. There is someone out there who will accept and love you for you. The second part to this is that you should never try to be someone you think he wants you to be to impress him. Unless you want to spend the rest of the relationship playing a role that does not depict who you truly are. In the end, this will just lead to more stress and disappointment for both of you. 

  Once in a relationship, it is very important for women to remember that we should not give up the person we are to be someone who is at every beck and call of our significant other. Someone once gave me some great advice, "A relationship fails when a person fails to realize what parts of their life can be given up in order to make the relationship work and what parts must not be compromised because it is an essential part of who they are." This implies two things.

  1. In any relationship, compromise is a must. There will be times when you have to give certain things up in order to make the relationship stronger.

  2. At the same time, don't bend yourself backwards trying to make the relationship work. This is more difficult to do when you've been in a relationship for several years because after a certain amount of time, it becomes easier to let our significant others define who we are. This is not only unhealthy, but it will also give them the impression that they can treat us however they want to and get away with it.

  The main idea is this: if we don't respect ourselves, they will never respect us.

  Yes, I realize that this is all good in theory but much harder when it comes to application, but it should never be hard to respect yourself. 

  As for my own life, I did everything that I said not to do in this post. When it ended, I had no idea who I was anymore. It will take some time, but at least I can say that the lesson was not wasted on me. Here's to not making the same mistake twice.

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