Tuesday, 13 July 2010
-
Keep Yourself Busy, Just Forget You're SINGLE!
As you step into your early-mid twenties, your friends, cousins, people around your age started to get engaged, married, or even started having babies. You are happy for them and wish them the best. At the same time, however, doesn't it get very depressing when you keep hearing about it and you're nowhere near that stage of life? The fact is, many people are in the same situation, where they just can't seem to find the "right" person. I've heard this from many of my friends and families too, including myself. It seems like our lives have always been dictated by looking for a significant other.
College Dating
In school, there are always homework and exams waiting for you to finish, always things to keep you occupied. You go to class, and you sit with friends (if they are in your class) or you sit alone until class is over and then you head to the next class. At least for my college, unless you're in a class with lots of group projects or you're just super outgoing, you can't really meet new people. I pretty much met my ex/dates through friends and parties. It's nice to be surrounded by people your age, then you'd have a lot more options. But it doesn't always work out, especially when you have to leave after you graduate. Once you begin your "real" adulthood, then the dating scenes just got that much harder.Online Dating
For our generation, a lot of us are addicted to online dating websites, where we just keep browsing for guys/girls until we see one that looks like a good match. It's the most shallow activity that anyone can do because 99% of the users look through pictures first before they read any words. Do you agree? Yes, and to the other 1% -- I give you kudos for not being as shallow as the rest of us. Anyway, these websites are just like meeting someone on the streets, except for the fact that you can ignore people and not feel as bad as if you did that in person. Searching gets boring after a while when you see the same faces over and over again. So, instead of focusing on your interests and hobbies, you keep going on those websites hoping you'd find your "soulmate". You end up meeting a bunch of dates who would be in one of these 3 categories: good (but not good enough), mediocre, or horrible. This cycle never ends and before you know it, you will be back on them doing the same as you were a few weeks ago. Now I'm not on it anymore, but I write from experience. Anyone in the same boat as me?Friends always say, "Keep yourself occupied, so you won't be constantly thinking". It's a good idea, and I try to, but the mind will always wander back to the whole dating thing until you find the one.
Dating and relationships are such big part of our lives, how do you managed to stay happy with your single life?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: taylorailana
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 2354 Comments: 0 32 View all posts by taylorailana
Comments (32)
when i was single, i had a lot of fun even though a lot of my friends were in relationships or married. i still hung out with them but i always made sure that i had a really good friend with me so i'm not excluded from anything, i'd hang out with a lot of my single friends and if i didn't have any, i would make them and always remembered that i'm not the only single person in the world. sometimes you just have to keep your head up high.
I completely agree with everything you said here. I tell myself this ALL the flippin time "forget I'm single and just work hard and keep busy" ... but then I always seem to fail lol. I end up thinking about how I am single and wanting to find a guy.... sigh
I have two friends that have boyfriends, one of them with her own daughter, another friend that's engaged, and an older brother who's getting married in just a few days. At 21, fresh out of college and still single as I have been for years, do I feel depressed? Nope. I've tried suggesting to my single friends that they focus on school, but they never listen to me. I can see myself being happy and single for the rest of my life, but if God decides that I need a companion, then so be it.
Drinking helps. lol. Really though, the best thing that keeps me happy is realizing I don't have the problems people around my age have. No kids, means i'm free for anything (around my work schedule of course.) No drama from a engagement or wedding, plus i'm more financially stable then almost everyone I know. So it is nice to always think about. However when all three of my roommates have their girl friends over it can be very depressing.
I stay happy by thinking of all the drama and failures of my friends' short term relationships and have this content feeling that I'm glad it wasn't me
"I understand that in most
relationships, we prize how the other person makes us feel. In other
words, we are really in love with ourselves."
- Lydia Lunch
Yeah, that about sums it up...
It's funny that I should happen to have read this... I was just thinking the other day about my own very single life.
It seems like I just keep trying for guy who are either "taken", "not ready for a relationship", "too busy", or "lives far far away". I try to keep busy (just like everyone else says, as you well know) but it still seems to creep into my mind. I try to keep that "I'll meet him eventually when the time is right" thought in my head and sometimes it helps.
Mostly though I think the more I try not to think about it... the more I am going to think about it. So I might as well just think about it.. eat my "sucks being single food"...then go on with my life!
I know I'm still young and I have plenty of life head of me... and when "he" comes into my life it will be wonderful, until then.. I can't stop my thoughts, I just have to keep going on.
I can't imagine how intense it feels at your mid-20s!! I just graduated from high school and noticed that many people have been pairing off into couples this year. It's like a reflex to think that they're not gonna last, but at the same time, I'd wish the best for the very serious ones. A friend and I often feel the way you feel too, so this is apparent even during late-teen years. I try to keep busy but, you know, how busy can one get?! I think the mind always needs to have something to think about. So the best way might be to go have fun and do things that require undivided attention.
It's ok to think that way I wouldn't try controlling it. I say stop making an effort to forget about it and just live your life. By trying to forget something, you're thinking about it. So that's a neverending cycle. I'm still single and of course I think and hope about the one, but when I'm not, I'm having a blast and working for my goals. Things will fall into place.
I've started playing guitar and practicing to keep myself busy. It's fun and it works, but maybe I'll start taking some classes at a community college to focus on something else.
@givemecoke@xanga - wow, this is exactly how my mind runs! omg, you said everything that I do/did/experienced.
@lil_KyungMin@xanga - yeap, it seems like the more I try to forget, the more I think about it. It is so annoying.
@taylorailana@xanga - =) I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that thinks this way!
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - haha that's true, I do the same thing :)
@DoRi_dOrI@xanga - yea...it is very frustrating and dangerous too. super unhealthy :(
Relationships are hard work. SO's can act like idiots at times, they can/might frustrate you more than anyone else you know.
When you're single, you don't have to deal with them.
story of my life. i just do things that make me happy like reading or working out.. im a more introverted person so i like some alone time.. by the time i'm done, my friends will have had their SO time and are ready to catch up again so its kinda like a cycle. it can get frustrating but the only other option is to find some random guy and get with him lol. i'd much rather stay single until i find someone real =P
get some interesting and fun hobbies...you gotta have some material to talk about when you do get that date!
how i get myself to entertain myself while being single? I like to play video games, go hang out with friends, go eat out in a restaurant, go to the movies with a friend or a group of friends, watch movies at home, watch youtube videos, go work and make some cash!, look at houses to invest or play the stock market to make more cash, or sometimes lose more cash.... look at my pet fish swimming around, play with my dog... throw a bbq and invite some friends over. Exercise helps too... and go on xanga and read some blogs. yup all of these keep me busy and happy =).
I am focusing myself on things that will keep me busy such as writing thigns I wanna accomplish, shopping, talking with my friends and a lot more stuffs! focusing on my career, improving myself, tapping into my talents..and not LOOKING FOR A DATE!!!
It seems like everyone I know is getting married or having babies...I feel completely left behind and my internal clock is SCREAMING at me on a daily basis....I totally do online dating too haha...but like you said they're either good (but not good enough), mediocre, or horrible haha. FRICK!
I try to keep myself as occupied as possible. The worst part though is when you are trying to fall asleep, but you can't... So then, I usually get out of bed and read lots of Xanga posts.. X(
A lot of people who are unhappy all the time when they're single have self-esteem issues. It's not true for everyone, but everyone can benefit from reminding themselves how awesome they are. Besides, it's important to be comfortable with yourself so that when you do get in a relationship, your happiness isn't completely dependent on how the relationship is going. Learn to be happy with yourself and single life will be much easier.
geez, can we stop treating singledom like it's something awful from which we need distractions? o_0
I cant say I love being single cause I honestly hate it. I am going through a separation right now from my husband and it hurts like hell. I dont know how to be single or how to keep busy so my mind wont think about being single. What the hell? It doesnt work like that. Moving back to my parents (I am only 23) and waking up every morning alone and in the room I had as a teen is a constant reminder of what I dont have anymore. So fuck all the people who think its just soooo easy.
This post is based on an erroneous assumption that everyone will wind up having babies and/or getting married at some point in their life. A majority of people do, it is true, however not everyone does. Being single has it's plus and minuses, just like being married does. If you are single, you have freedom to travel and go to events and flirt with someone if you feel like it. Sometimes single women especially have this very mistaken view that if you are married then you are on cloud nine every day. No... any relationship has its moutaintops and valleys and even one day can have much of both the good and bad. Once children are added into the mix, many married women secretly envy the single woman's ample free time. I enjoy writing poetry, short stories, now a novel and I know that if I was to be married I would not have much time to devote to this artistic expresssion which means a lot to me.
If you are single and don't want to be- pray, read the Bible, go and meet your friends, do volunteer work, and enjoy your life! But if you are married and you don't want to be married- that is a big difficulty there! If you are single- don't rush into a relationship. Wait until God brings you the right one. Is it better to be in an emotionally unsatisfying relationship or to be single? Far better to be single! The Apostle Paul also agreed with me on that.
So is it better to be single or married? The media and the vanity fair of the world would always say it's better to be dating or married than single. That is DEFINITELY NOT the case. Don't believe the hype. The truth is that there is much good in the single life my friends.
Online dating is despicable. People think they see a "spark" through someone's picture. It's horrible.