I have joined a good portion of America in...well...keeping up with the Kardashians. Much as I could never get into the Hills and Laguna Beach, there's something about these girls that I just absolutely love, and want to...keep up with!
I love all three of them, but I think Kourtney is my favorite. Nothing phases that girl - she is always cool and collected and rarely seeks excess attention. Plus, let's be blunt here - she's just as frickin gorgeous as Kim.
But this is what just absolutely kills me. What the HELL is up with that boyfriend of hers? I mean, he is just a ridiculously obvious loser. He can't hold a job, he's always drunk and yelling obscenities (and fighting with absolutely everyone), and he's not subtle - in front of her entire family, not to mention the speculating national population - about cheating on her. Over, and over, and over, and over......
And she had his child! So, determined to make it work (and I guess probably in love with him, too), Kourtney always tries to talk it out with this douche.
"Scott, why did you tell me you were doing errands and then meet up with a girl?" and "Scott, why are you getting so shitfaced in front of your boss at my sister's publicity event?" and "Scott, why did you hang up the phone right after I heard a girl's voice in the background at your hotel, and then accuse ME of hanging up?"
It's absurd. She knows, her sisters know, her family knows, all of America knows - Scott's a total ahole! There's no point whatsoever in talking anything through with him. He's going to treat whatever woman he's with like plain shit. He doesn't care about ANYTHING - dude's got some problems, duh!
But here we are, just watching it happen. We're watching someone who I believe is quite a nice girl continue to get wrapped and re-wrapped up (and consider a family with!) this piece of total trash. We can't do anything about it - we can just watch it, hoping that she makes the right decision in the end.
And that's one thing - I mean, yeah, we watch Hollywood trainwrecks all the time, and usually they're much worse than this. What got me thinking, though, was how her SISTERS are also powerless - as is her mom, brother, dad, etc. etc. Everyone who is actually CLOSE with this girl is pretty much just as powerless as we, the faces on the other side of the TV screen are.
I'll venture to say we've all been there, too. I know I have, and most men and women I know have experienced something similar at one point or another throughout the courses of their lives thus far - where someone they truly deeply care about is caught up in an awful relationship, causing them to be always miserable and complaining (likely to you), but from which they show no signs of pulling away anytime soon, perhaps ever.
I can't even tell you how many friends and family members - both male and female - that I've watched get trampled on time and time again by a person they run right back to with open arms. I can't even estimate how many minutes I've wasted hearing someone complain relentlessly about the horrific aspects of a relationship that they're willing to drop everything for at the drop of a hat (or, more accurately, at the vibration of a cell phone).
And it's always the same cycle - A loves B, everything's wonderful for both A and B for a little while, B makes a shitload of dick moves, A is sad and miserable and experiences self-worthlessness, A tries to get mad at B but pretty weakly, B makes up for it somehow and A is relieved because of A's failure to remain mad at B anyway, A and B get back together, and the cycle starts over again.
And all anyone can do is watch the cycle continue, hurting for the person they care about but completely unable to do anything except be the shoulder to cry on at the same stage of the cycle every time around.
Which ends up making YOU feel pathetic. You know you should be doing more to help them - you know that friends don't let friends date a-holes.
But, I'd seriously like to know - how do you stop them? Can you?
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Comments (29)
We could voice out our concerns about their relationship and be there as a shoulder for them to cry on, but that's ALL we can do. Making the decision to leave their significant other who treats them like crap will be their responsibility to man up, leave, and realized that they deserve someone better. We obviously can't make them do anything they don't want to do - even though we and they know its the best decision for them in the long run.
That guy sounds like a dick. But the thing is, you can't stop them. You can try and try and try but it won't happen unless that person is ready to move on.
All you can do is express your concerns and be there for them when they need you. After all, it's possible that you don't know the full story --so what you perceive to be a bad situation might not actually be a bad situation. Alternatively, even if it IS a bad situation, your friend is an adult and has to make their own decisions. You can be there to help them once they do decide, and you can definitely try to help them see that they do have other options, but you can't force them to leave the relationship.
The truth is you really can't stop someone from doing this. They will only end up resenting you. The only way they will stop is if they realize it themselves. The best thing you can do is just be there for them so when they decide to finally leave the loser, they have someone to talk to.
I have a hard time sympathizing with people who go back to the same loser over and over again, even when the world around them is telling them that they're only hurting themselves. A controlling, abusive person that locks their partner in the house and monitors their activities is one thing, but when someone has the freedom to leave a jerk, there isn't much of an excuse not to. Okay, so they have a kid; but I don't think being a single parent is worse than having the kid grow up and watching one parent treat the other like dirt.
@carsiiia@xanga - agreed and usually they would also have to learn for themselves too...
I've dated a douche and had friends that dated douches and still tried to justify it. You can voice concerns but I think it's a phase that most people go through. It's called being young and stupid really.
and that show is awesome =) I got hooked when I watched it the first time..but yeah...and I agree with most of the comments up here..
well the thing about reality television... is that it can be edited. we're seeing what people want us to see... but i do agree, that sounds bad and they probably should break up. my friends in a similar situation, they also had a kid... and i know they both want not each other, even though they're in love and plan to get married. but they treat each other horribly... and when the situations really bad like that, you kind of hope they just figure it out and end it.. because idk. technically we cant really step in.. ive tried before with a different relationship and realistically no one ever listens to you anyways because "they think they're different" lol. by different you mean miserable?
My friends planned operation cock block. He was allowed to come around, but they were blunt about their feelings towards him. If I complained, then they told me it was my own damn fault. It took a while, but I finally listened, broke it off, and then they comforted me. ta-da. Operation Cock Block: success.
You women have an amazing ability that we men don't: you can hit each other without major (legal) repercussions usually.
I suggest you smack a bitch.
@coffeelovermia@mancouch - you have good friends. i can't believe that worked!
You really can't stop the relationship from continuing. It's the person's responsibility and choice. It's definitely frustrating when you're close to the person and you witness the drama and it's so obvious that it's a really bad relationship, but they just don't see it. When you tell them to get out of it, it's like it goes in one ear and out the other. You just have to let them go through it and learn. It won't end any other way. I also don't understand feeling bad for them. They are choosing to stay in the relationship. No one is forcing them. I know that relationships like this can be hard to get out of since it basically controls you. The person kind of has this hold on you that you feel like you can't get out of or you tell yourself that it isn't all bad. But still, no matter how hard that is, you have the choice of leaving. Unfortunately it takes some people a while to realize that and act on it. This happened to my brother, too. The relationship lasted for a few years, and he just recently got out of it. I never felt bad because it was his choice, but it's definitely relieving to see that he has learned and has moved on to experience a life that isn't hell for him.
you can't really stop them, you just have to be a good friend and be there for them during the hard times.
I think the best thing to do is be there for them during the relationship and do once they get away from the jerk... DO NOT let them get back together with him. Wait for that fight, wait for that call when she screams enough is enough! Get her out of there, put the fear of God in the guy, and keep her away from him.
Once they are in the relationship, it is next to impossible to get them out, but if they are seperated, it is a little easier to keep them that way.
I had this same problem with one of my besties. Her boyfriend (no ex, thank god) would lie to her, bum money off her with empty promises of paying her back, and cheated on her multiple times with different women. She kept going back to him, and I kept telling her he is no good for her but she wouldn't listen. In the end, she knew this asshole was suffocating her emotionally and she needed out. You can only reassure them that you're going to be there for them when they need it most. And, I like to say "I told you so," so I get to do that often. She's now more inclined to listen to my opinion on a guy she starts dating. :)
@mcmeister89@mancouch - ....unless there's a landslide win.
That picture of Kourtney and Scott serves as a brilliant example.
All you have to do is be a complete bitch, make him act like a bastard in return, and then cry BROS BEFORE HOS at the top of your lungs. If they're smart, they'll listen. Girl code, bitch.
How do you stop them from this neverending cycle?
EASY!
You kill them...
hahaha just kidding...
No really all you need is to just put them in a coma.
Don't date assholes, put your dick in them. Yeah.
i spent 4 years doing so... now i have given up hope... @@;
You stand by, say nothing, make no disparaging remarks about the one they have chosen. When your friend makes a comment about their date, you ask your friend to continue explaining how s/he feels about the date, why they feel that way about the date, and ask what can be done about the situation/s that your friend is dealing with about the date. Let your friend make that pros and cons list independently until your friend discovers that that date is nothing but Bad News. Be there to pick your friend off the pavement, stating that your friend deserves [don't say "better"] to be loved, cherished, cared for, and respected at all times [and let your positive comparisons contrast - entirely on their own - against the negativity the date has been giving].
Some lessons - hard lessons - have to be learned by experience - so you have to let your friend date @$$holes before s/he can ditch the person already, and we move on...
You can't and from the moment I layed eyes on him I knew. It's not a good situation.
I read in a magazine that even though he always cheated on her and such that her mom/family wanted them to get married anyway. Khloe got married and it was televised (I think?) and they got money for it or something so the mom wanted Kourtney to do the same for more publicity.
Hello dear one ,
How are you today? hope fine and well sounded in good health?.Dear, to be brief ;my name is 'Miss' calista'a young prety girl.'i first check your profile at( www.datingish.com) and was so excited about what your profile says ,that speaks what i consider very well and sound to me ,i am now saying ,lets come together and talk about that word ''love''in truth and honest no matter our differences we are one people if we can speak with one word ''love.''sky will be our limit. Dear, i have my email address here (calistagarba@hotmail.com) for you to send me email for easiest and possible communication.my email address is where i will read and reply you your message immediately with my picture i hope you don't mind .
thanks and still remain bless while i awaits for your love and kind response..
calista.
calistagarba@hotmail.com
ive tried they never listen they say its a "learning experience" delusional if you ask me. if you have to start making excuses for someone then you know its not right