My thoughts about relationships, love, and all that bullshit are going through some possible restructuring. There is one thing, however, that I am certain about: Communication is the key to a stable relationship.
Yeah, OK. Let's all have a big 'duh' moment. "Of
course communication is the key," you might be saying. But I've come to realize a few things about this skill that we all seem to take for granted.
It's tough to do properly, for one. Anyone can open their mouths and spew words out, but it takes something different to form a clear and concise representation of an idea in your head. It also takes someone actively listening to properly understand the idea you are trying to put across.
This process is so easy to mess up. Hell, my friends and I will be talking about something and it's not uncommon for the conversation to stop, just so something that wasn't quite understood can be explained. We're all just guys - hanging out, smoking, talking - but we somehow manage not to consistently communicate clearly.
If I, as a man, am not able to make conversation with a fellow man without some sort of confusion arising somewhere along the line (on a subject we're all very familiar with, I might add), then how much bloody worse is it gonna be when I'm trying to talk with a
woman?
I mean come on, people. They're wired COMPLETELY differently than I am. The things they think are important - aren't. The things they do - are retarded (the overwhelming majority of the time).
Yes, I am aware that most women think the same of us men. And that's exactly my point.
Most folks don't seem to understand the simple basics of good communication in a relationship.
The first is clarity. Be succinct and complete to start with. Don't bounce around with what you're saying. Now I'll be the first to admit that I tend to wander in my words from time to time. It can't be helped. Expecially if you're nervous or uncomfortable with something. But try to keep it as clear and simple as possible.
Make sure you shut the hell up! Ya got two, count 'em, two ears. One mouth. So if you're partner's trying to communicate something then by the gods shut your bloody mouth and listen.
Don't yell, man. For real. There are times when having a good knock down, drag out fight can be good for a relationship. But when you're trying to get across a legitimate point, keep your voice calm and level. Otherwise your other is gonna be on the defensive. Automatic fail
Repeat shit. Over and again if necessary. Hammer things out and when you've come to an agreement/compromise/conclusion/decision/resolution or whatever the hell else, go over the end result again. Example. "Ok, so I'm gonna stop drinking. And you're gonna stop posting slutty Facebook pics."(Randomass example, I'm aware) The purpose of this is to make sure you're both clear on what just happened, not to rub shit in.
It's pretty simple, really.
Have you ever had communication problems in a relationship? Do you think that following these steps might help?
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Comments (17)
Wow, that whole part about the things we think are important really aren't and that we do retarded things wasn't true at all. And I don't believe the same about men, contrary to what your post says. However, it is true that communication is so freaking simple to screw up. It happens a lot to me and my husband. We both just let our emotions fly instead of trying to get a clear thought of what we are feeling so that it's easier to convey. I will say, at least for my marriage, that communication has become easier over the years. We have come to understand each other better in the way that we communicate. I just can't believe that your thoughts on love and relationships are undergoing construction!!! You always came off as a misogynist to me. -_- Could these changes be for the better?
Men are from earth. Women are from earth.
Let's face it, we're not that different.
Only good thing that came out of this post was the fact that communication is key. The other bullshit about women (e.g. "The things they do - are retarded (the overwhelming majority of the time).") was uncalled for.
I adore this post. It's humorous and has great advice. But take a little time to think about how your comments might be received by females. If it's how you truly feel, leave it and prepare to get blasted. If not, take your own advice; say what you mean and mean what you say.
I adore this post too
And I'm a woman too..wow..
"The things they think are important - aren't. The things they do - are retarded (the overwhelming majority of the time)." That was unnecessary, but a common thought I suppose.
Yes, many people have trouble communicating in relationships. I try to keep communication open because even if something seems implied, you hurt later when the assumption is wrong. The best way to get something discussed is to be straightforward and to mean business! Yelling and arguing, especially in a relationship like mine since my SO and I are both pretty stubborn, gets nowhere. :p
it really goes both ways.
I hate it when I'm arguing with a man or woman and they are constantly using the interjection, "...I know, but...."
raWrRrR!! It's like they are not validating your argument!
A lot of people do pointless things they think are important, and think you are lazy for not or stupid for not getting why it's "important," when in your mind there are more and/or better reasons not to or to do something different. I'm not gender biased. I see pointless stereotypical behavior in most of both sides. The only thing that annoys me about it is that I'm worth less to people because either I don't fit their mold or I do (they think) but won't admit it.
Just hug them, and hold :)
Actions=1000 words
I think this advice is good for pretty much anyone living on earth. People in general need to listen more.
I just finished writing a post about Communication Basics in the digital age if you want to check it out.
I hope you work shit out my friend. Interestingly enough your situation sounds like a the process of stonewalling which statistically men are more prone to doing.
Unfortunately for me, I feel this way about most people.
I agree with everything but the last one. If you keep repeating the same thing over and over, its just going to sound like your repeating the same thing over and over. When Im trying to explain something to someone else and I feel the need to repeat things, I try to maybe provide another example (or an example for that matter), elaborate differently because not everyone sees it from my point of view. Good post though, ive been working on this w/ my boyfriend and its nice to get things off my chest, him understand, and us not having to argue like the rest of my (ex)boyfriends.
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I think the most common problem is that when someone else is talking, we are too busy thinking about what we want to say next, instead of listen carefully and think what it really means.
@Lydia_Lynne@xanga - I am very much a misogynist. But I'm thinking some changes might be on the horizon. The extremely distant horizon.
@donspike@xanga - Assumption is the mother of nearly all fuckups.
@Sophannieta@xanga - My situation? What exactly are you referring to?
@SicTransitGloria19@xanga - That's something I picked up from the Army. It cuts down on so much confusion when you repeat things once or twice just to confirm all around that everybody's on the same page. I will probably never stop doing that.
@chocosunshine@xanga - Holy shit we've got a winner. I couldn't have said it better myself. And that says a lot.
I hope some woman who is actually retarded reads this and makes you realize just how wrong your statement is. You aren't a man, you are an arrogant idiot.
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